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August 07, 2005

Son of scourge of customer service reps

Back in January, I wrote about Gene Weingarten, the Washington Post wiseguy who has a shtick of calling toll-free customer service numbers and asking dumb questions.

From today's column:

The Gillette Co.

Me: I am calling about Gillette Foamy shaving cream with "comfort glide." I am very dissatisfied with this product.

Kelly: Okay.

Me: I am a political activist, and I express my displeasure about corporate greed through concussive acts of civil disobedience for the purpose of strategic humiliation. And I have found your product to be insufficient for the purpose.

Kelly: I'm sorry, you kind of lost me.

Me: I am a pie-face assassin. I hit people in the face with pies. Traditionally, we use graham cracker crusts filled with shaving cream. That is the accepted industry norm. But your shaving cream does not have sufficient adhesion.

Kelly: So, the problem is it doesn't stick to the face?

Me: Right. And I'd like a refund.

Kelly: I don't know that there's a whole lot I can do for you.

Me: But I have 150 cans!
I think what Weingarten fails to mention is that when he calls the customer service line, the caller ID shows "Washington Post."