Home furnishings we can believe in

From the ridiculous to the merely tacky.

Today, it's not the plastic surgery industry that's seeking to profit from the Messiah's election; it's the home furnishings industry.

Last night, I was on the Metro platform at Gallery Place and noticed two large banners hanging from the balcony (the mezzanine, in Metro-speak). Two large banners in yellowish-gold reading "Embrace Change." I walked up a little closer to see what the fine print said, and it turned out they were ads for IKEA. Yes, IKEA, the furniture outfit.

In my search this morning, I haven't found anything about this ad campaign, but I wrote down the URL last night, and here's the campaign's website.




"Where do you stand on domestic policy?" it asks. "Speak out and let the president know your suggestions for fiscally responsible home furnishings." Very cute.

Also: "Enter your email to be updated when the Oval Office planner is up and running to make your voice heard!"

OK, I'll make my voice heard now. This is almost as tacky as the Obama camp's solicitation of money in a lottery for tickets to the inauguration. (At least IKEA is a commercial enterprise. I mean, at least IKEA is a self-described commercial enterprise.)

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A wedgie ad campaign

When I was in college, a woman I knew told some friends of mine that she thought I should go into advertising. We all found the idea ludicrous at the time, and a couple of years later, I ended up in law school.

But I'll tell you this: If I had gone into advertising, I probably would have come up with a campaign to advertise women's underwear that's "wedgie-free."

As Dave Barry would say, I'm not making this ad campaign up.


If you'll notice, the ad mentions a website at Hanes, which I didn't really want to go to, but despite my own feelings, I did it, anyway. It was for you. That's just the kind of guy I am.

The first thing I learned at the site (which redirects to wedgiefree.com) was that some chick named Sarah Chalke used to suffer from embarrassing underwear wedgies. It turns out Sarah Chalke is an actress or something, which may explain her talent for re-enacting embarrassing underwear wedgie scenes, like this (from the site):

The wedgiefree.com site has some useful videos of ol' Sarah prancing around until she gets a wedgie and tries to correct it. In my opinion, the best video is the one taken by a "security camera." All of this being conveniently unstaged, mind you. She's only an actress.

As far as I can tell, not being a person of the female persuasion, an underwear wedgie is sort of like what happens when men have the need to rearrange their personal regions in public. You women readers, we men call this Code Blue. You may think we're just digging and scratching, but we're not. We have really serious business to take care of.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. If you visit the site, you'll find what might be called the Wedgie Monologues, if you catch my drift. It's actually called The Wedgie Stories, but we all know what they're talking about, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, right? It's a "book" where you can read Sarah's personal wedgie story: At the Emmys, she twisted around in her four-inch heels trying to unwedgie it (I'm pretty sure that verb is found in the Oxford English Dictionary) but tore her dress doing so. You can also read the wedgie stories of something like 25 other unfortunate women. For example, the board room wedgie, the air cadet wedgie, the rainy day wedgie.

But my truly favorite feature of the site is, if you click on "Wedgie-free Wednesdays," you can send an e-card to your friend, which will arrive on Wednesday. I'm totally serious, by the way. Try it for yourself.

What's troubling to me, however, is that if you want to send an e-card, you'll have to agree to the terms and conditions posted there, which include this: "I also agree that my submission does not contain defamatory, obscene, threatening or otherwise unlawful material . . . ."

It would have been a lot simpler if they had just made you agree that it's not that time of the month.

Previous underwear ad campaigns: Bras that do tricks, Thank goodness it fits.

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The manly scent

This fake ad for a product called Mandles is a hoot. Mandles, referring to candles for manly men.

Back when I was in high school, we saw a hilarious anti-smoking movie called "Too Tough To Care," about an ad agency's efforts to counteract the increasing evidence that smoking is harmful. After several failed campaigns, the advertisers decided to run commercials showing manly men who were "too tough to care." The construction worker who lights up . . . and falls off the girder. You get the picture. The final scene shows the advertisers congratulating themselves as they drive down Lombard Street in San Francisco. The camera focuses on a building near the bottom of the street, and the car carrying them comes through the screen and out again. After which you hear the inevitable sounds of a crash.

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Those ads

Sure you watched the ads during the Super Bowl, and sure you know where to go to watch them again, in the order they were ranked by a panel of viewers.

But do you know the "sleaziest Super Bowl ads of all time"?

I'm taking guesses on which descriptions made me laugh most. Hint: Immaturity.

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I'll have the necklace she's having

Today's movie short: "'When Harry Met Sally' met jewelry advertising."

Or: "When the director tells you to 'fake excitement while lying down, without smiling,' don't be too surprised when you're not portrayed giving a speech before a joint session of Congress."

Video at Ace's. As he says, Moderate Content Warning.

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