Pillage Idiot advisory system

Considering I don't have the faintest idea how to use Photoshop (limited edition), this isn't all that bad:



However, if anyone actually can do a professional- or almost-professional-quality version that would look just like the Homeland Security version . . .



. . . I would be willing to offer a free Pillage Idiot mug, full credit, and a link, assuming the image can fit on my sidebar. Please email me first, because I might want to fool around with the text.

UPDATE (8/6): In light of the overwhelming response I received to my offer, I decided to try it again myself. I figured out the font used in the real chart, and I applied what I learned about Photoshop. This is probably an improvement, but let me know if you prefer the one I did earlier: