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September 09, 2005

Things I've learned

When you get older, you start trying to make lists. Then you forget where you put them. So I'm putting my list of things I've learned right here.

10. Your wife is right.
9. Some people swear by scotch, but beer's pretty good, too.
8. You should never talk about "mid-life crisis" in the singular.
7. Always seek wisdom from your mistakes, but don't plan on getting an advanced degree.
6. Some people are late bloomers, but when you're pushing 50, there's a good chance you'll always remain a bud.
5. Men get older, but women stay the same age, and pretty soon they're the same age as your daughter.
4. Hair is proof that God has a sense of humor.
3. If you attend a reunion, for every classmate who invented the latest breakthrough in laser technology, there are four ex-con alcoholics, who are delinquent on their child support. (That's good news, by the way.)
2. When people accost you on the street, don't assume they're looking for a handout; they might be offering you shelter.
And the Number One thing I've learned is: If all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, someone owes me a damn refund.