What, another linkfest? Yes, another linkfest.
1. Major scoop: Supreme Court justices might be influenced by their clerks.
2. Baltimore efficiency: "Members of Baltimore's Board of Fire Commissioners will receive their final paychecks at the end of this month, after a recent discovery by the city's Finance Department that the members have not been eligible for a city stipend since 1996."
3. New doll: "I made a stinky."
4. Try it with a photo of Wolf Blitzer.
5. Talk about pollination!
6. Rockville in the news: If you get a speed camera ticket, you might be the victim of a prank; "students duplicate the license plates by printing plate numbers on glossy photo paper, using fonts from certain websites that 'mimic' those on Maryland license plates. They tape the duplicate plate over the existing plate on the back of their car and purposefully speed through a speed camera, the parent said. The victim then receives a citation in the mail days later."
(4 and 5 via The Corner, 6 via Ace)
UPDATE: 7. The Weekly Standard's parody imitates Pillage Idiot. ("**** them!")
Showing posts with label toilets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toilets. Show all posts
December 22, 2008
Monday linkfest
November 30, 2008
The gift season
Now that we're past Black Friday, death toll approximately one, it's time to focus on gifts for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever holiday the wiccans are currently planning for.
Dave Barry has his annual gift guide, which I find rather disappointing this year. Judge for yourself.
It's hard to believe Dave Barry left this off his list: Talking TP.
Even NBC mentioned it on the Today Show, along with a few other novelty gifts. You can see the video here.
October 28, 2008
Tuesday linkfest
1. Joe the Plumber is more concerned about Israel than two-thirds of American Jews. (via HotAir)
2. Ouch. "That Colin Powell. What a great judge of character."
3. A federal judge is caught having made a campaign contribution to Obama. She describes her occupation as government lawyer. Well, I suppose it's literally true, but can you say "misleading"?
4. Hillbuzz confident about Pennsylvania?
5. Headline of the day: "Near-nude man runs down street firing crackers from head." (via BOTWT)
6. Bonus from the previous link: A photo gallery called "The Joy of Streaking." Really.
7. Quotation of the day about the incident in #3 #5: "'He was new in town, I think,' Mr Annas said." Mr. Annas?
8. This is 7-1/2 years old, but it never loses its charm: "Hi-tech toilet swallows woman / Temporarily." Even with the qualifier it's pretty good.
8. With evil toilets on the loose, maybe this isn't such a problem: "Japanese officials fret about toilet shortage in event of big quake."
September 28, 2008
Sunday morning mini-linkfest
I was going to leave you a mini-linkfest on my way out of town for the weekend, but it happened too fast. So with your indulgence, I'm going to give it to you a little late.
1. 1. S.Weasel has discovered Abraham Lincoln's YouTube account. It's actually a Joe Biden joke.
2. Out of concern for the sensibilities of certain very quiet and unassuming people, the Brits are installing toilets at the 2012 Olympics that face away from Mecca. (via HotAir) You can't face Mecca when you're doing your business. Brits have previously dealt with this in their prisons. As the article notes: "Muslim prisoners complained of having to sit sideways on toilets so as to not break code." They're in prison and they're worried about breaking the law? I've always complained about Jewish prisoner who commit crimes and then demand to keep kosher in prison. Same thing there.
3. Maybe we should check with Muslim prisoners first, but PETA wants Ben & Jerry's to use breast milk for its ice cream, instead of cows' milk. (also via HotAir)
4. An article that actually exists: 5 Insane Devices From Kids Cartoons (That Actually Exist) (via Ace)
September 17, 2008
Wednesday linkfest
After I do a long photo comic, like the one I posted on Monday (Bill Clinton agrees to campaign for Obama), it's hard to get back to normal posts. Unlike most of the garbage I post here, photo comics take a long time, and the hardest part is working out the text, not doing the voice bubbles, which can be done in an hour or two.
So I'm going to coast a little longer by giving you some links I've been accumulating for the past several weeks.
1. This is actually not a link, but I'm including it, anyway. The son of our friends, a good friend of my son, is in Taiwan, where he applied for a scooter license. Among the questions on the exam were these:
1. When a motorcyclist is not happy, usually he/she: (1) is emotionless (2) is not compassionate (3) is angry.Then, there were a bunch of signs with Chinese on them, and he had to guess what they meant.
2. Time for honking, each time is: (1) within 2 seconds (2) within 1 second (3) within half a second.
3. Motorcyclist's clothing: (1) is free (2) slippers are ok (3) must be clean.
2. No linkfest would be complete without a link to a post about an incinerating toilet. Be sure to watch the video at the company's website. No butt hair was singed in the preparation of the video. Bonus: Also at InventorSpot: Russian scientist solves problem of smelly feet.
3. We all hate grammar ignoramuses, and some of us are annoyed by typos, but few of us engage in vandalism over them. (via How Appealing)
4. A reader at Instapundit creates a political ad about the meltdown at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
5. We'll have to take Obama's criticism of a McCain ad on comprehensive sex education for kindergarteners with a grain of salt.
6. Is Obama too tight with his teleprompter? (hat tip: fee simple)
7. A follow-up by Steven Plaut related to Soccer Dad's post below on Michelle Obama's "rabbi" relative.
8. A columnist at Haaretz is scared to death of Sarah Palin. But the Republican Jewish Coalition flips Congressman Robert Wexler's idiotic linking of Palin with Pat Buchanan and shows that Buchanan's views on Israel are like Obama's.
9. "Tryst turns into $50K robbery for RNC delegate." Plus, quotation of the day: "'As a single man, I was flattered by the attention of a beautiful woman who introduced herself to me. I used poor judgment. If there is any good that can come from this humiliation, it is to caution others that date rape happens to men, too,' he said."
June 25, 2008
Japanese toilets cause global warming?
Well, Japanese toilets don't literally cause global warming, but then again, what really does?
In any event, the Japanese are hooked on, er, high-END toilets that consume massive quantities of electricity. (via Volokh)
Japanese toilets can warm and wash one's bottom, whisk away odors with built-in fans and play water noises that drown out potty sounds. They play relaxation music, too. "Ave Maria" is a favorite.They actually don't sound terribly expensive to me. The start-up cost is high, but the electricity cost seems fairly modest, given the luxury: "Luxury models cost up to $4,000 -- plus at least $2.50 a month per toilet in higher electricity bills."
High-end toilets can also sense when someone enters or leaves the bathroom, raising or lowering their lids accordingly. Many models have a "learning mode," which allows them to memorize the lavatory schedules of household members.
These always-on electricity-guzzlers (keeping water warm for bottom-washing devours power) barely existed in Japan before 1980. Now, they are in 68 percent of homes, accounting for about 4 percent of household energy consumption. They use more power than dishwashers or clothes dryers.
You should definitely read the whole article; anything that uses the phrase "toilet-smitten masses" is OK in my book.
But I want to highlight a couple of factoids for you. First: "The final report of the Electric Toilet Seats Evaluation Standard Subcommittee noted last year that 23 to 30 percent of Japanese men now sit while urinating. They do so, the report said, for comfort and for 'prevention of urine splash.'"
Second: "The report also included findings from the Warm-Water-Shower Toilet Seat Council (an industry group) that women urinate eight times a day, with an average on-seat time of 96 seconds."
Third: "For the addicted, Toto and other manufacturers -- with government encouragement -- have invented the intelligent toilet. After a few days on the job in a household, it memorizes when and how family members do their business. Then, with history as its guide, the toilet intermittently heats up its seat and warms its water."
I want one. Now.
Finally, on a related note, every Japanese man should be able to spend quality toilet time with his robot, so take a look at these "Love Seat Toilets" by Amigo Zhou. A potty deux, one could call it.
UPDATE: There's a short video on YouTube that shows how to make the toilet seat rise with a remote. Click on the image to view it.
June 05, 2008
Flush it
MEMORANDUM
TO: Some guy who shares the men's room with me
FROM: Attila
I don't really know who you are. Given my location, you almost certainly work in a different office. But I do know one thing about you: You are deeply concerned about the environment.
How do I know this? I know because you're trying to save water by not flushing the urinals.
Now, please come a little closer to me so I can whisper something into your ear:
FLUSH THE FREAKIN' URINAL, ALREADY!
I'm sorry for speaking in capital letters and boldface, but dude . . . .
Let me spell it out for you:
Point 1: Although I'm personally certain that your motivation is pure, everyone else assumes you're just an a**h***. You probably think I'm kidding. But trust me, the rest of them walk in and see what you've left behind and they shake their heads at you for your terrible manners. They think you're an immature little jerk whose mother never taught him to have the slightest regard for others. (Yeah, that's right; I'm talking about your mother.) And they think you probably don't wash your hands, either. I've noticed that people are reluctant to shake hands nearby. I'm sure they're wrong about you. I know you're not a schmuck, just an eco-sensitive kind of guy, like Albert A. Gore, Jr., or Sean Penn, but nobody else does. You're developing a very poor reputation around here.
Point 2: The reality is you're not saving any water. Do you know how I can say this with confidence? Because every single time I walk into the men's room after you, I flush the urinal. Not to get too personal about this, but I flush it whether or not I'm planning to use it. In fact, everyone else but you flushes it. Because no one wants to stand there inhaling your urine. Sure, Gandhi drank his own lemonade, and I'd admire you a little more if you tried to save the environment by drinking yours. But we don't want to partake of yours. It lacks the usual, uh, health benefits for us.
Point 3: Since you probably have never had a relationship with a woman, let me clue you in on something: This will not stand, even if you do. If you've heard that women hate it when men leave the seat up, try leaving her a yellow surprise.
Look, I'm actually trying to help you. Your heart's in the right place. But if you keep refusing to flush, I'm going to rip out that heart of yours and flush it right down with the rest of the stuff.
Thank you for your support.
March 12, 2008
Stuck
I have to say I still think this whole story is a hoax. It's so inconceivable that it just can't be true. But toilets are really important to us at Pillage Idiot, so I did a little research.
The story I'm referring to was aptly described by Allah at HotAir as follows: "Dude. I say again, dude."Sheriff: Woman sat on toilet for 2 years
Which is far worse than the last stuck toilet seat I wrote about.
By ROXANA HEGEMAN Associated Press Writer
Article Launched: 03/12/2008 10:20:26 AM MDT
WICHITA, Kan.—Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years—so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.
Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."
There's more to the story, of course, but first I have to tell you that Editor & Publisher apparently believes this story because some dopey journalists heard a tip that a person had been found stuck to the toilet seat, dead.CHICAGO The strangest and likely most e-mailed story in many parts today -- on a day when the governor of New York resigned because of a call-girl scandal -- belonged not to New York City's tabloids, but The Hutchinson News in far western Kansas.
Sure, this is in the somewhat remote locale of Ness City, Kansas (population 1,299), about 50 miles north of Dodge City, but how could it possibly be true?
"Oh, I knew this one would get picked up," Newsroom Editor Jason Probst said with a laugh.
The story was a classic phone tip, Hutchinson News' Probst said.
"One of our reporters got a tip from someone who said he'd heard about a woman found bound to the toilet," Probst said. "Everyone here was operating on the idea that she was dead. You get that sometimes, someone in an abandoned house."
But when the reporter, Edie Hall, called the Ness County sheriff, he didn't want to release any information, Probst said. Eventually he laid out the story to assure the reporter the woman was not dead.
The ASS-ociated Press (sorry!) has an article about this incident that provides hope that someone will be able to verify it.Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.
"Something wrong with his girlfriend?" I'll say! She has a boyfriend who leaves her stuck on the toilet for a couple of years.
"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."
He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.
"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."
The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.
The AP article, by the way, has this stunning scoop from a neighbor:The case has been the buzz of Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.
But getting back to the helpful information in the AP article. Here it is:
"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.
Now, when a name is mentioned in a story like this -- at least, one that involves toilets -- I run to do a Google search. There's a single entry for "Kory McFarren" (with quotation marks), a listing for him at classmates.com under -- get this! -- Ness City High School. If you scroll down to his name, you notice he attended NCHS from '86 through '90, which would make him about 36 years old now, as the AP article stated.
Also, you can look him up on an online phone directory, and even find his address, although I suspect by now that he's not answering his phone or his doorbell, even assuming he's not in custody.
If I were a journalist, I would pick up my phone right now, just in case. But I'm not, and besides, I feel kind of sorry for the guy. Because there sure seems to be something just a little odd about him.
I'm still expecting this to turn out to be a hoax. If it isn't, Mr. McFarren's got some 'splainin' to do.
UPDATE: A random walk through the blogs on this story shows (a) an interesting photo concept; and (b) one of the better headlines for a story crying out for smartass or immature headlines.
UPDATE (3/13): If this is a hoax, there are a lot of people in on it. It's real, sadly real. And here's the video, via HotAir. Not what I expected Kory McFarren to look like, but I guess it's really the guy. The woman, who's obviously not seen there, is named Pam Babcock.
UPDATE (3/13): Via charles, in the comments, the sheriff is now saying it was about a month: "The sheriff said that judging by the woman's condition — she had open sores on which the toilet seat would stick — it appeared she likely sat on the toilet continually for at least a month." C'mon on, charles, ya gotta give me the link so I don't have to find it myself.
UPDATE (3/21): Now, McFarren has been charged with mistreatment of a dependent adult. The County Attorney: "I looked at the statutes and spoke to the attorney general's office. This was a very unusual set of circumstances, and this is the law that most closely applied to the situation." Well, given the nature of this case, someone's got to say it: "The law is a ass."
February 27, 2008
Wednesday linkfest
I've been pretty busy, so the best I can do for you is another linkfest. I would apologize, but that would presume there's anyone actually reading this to whom I can express my regrets.
That said now, let me catch you up on some interesting articles. There are a bunch of unrelated topics here, so stay with me until the end.
1. The science is settled, but the facts are apparently unaware what the science is. "All four major global temperature tracking outlets (Hadley, NASA's GISS, UAH, RSS) have released updated data. All show that over the past year, global temperatures have dropped precipitously." Supposedly, the one-year temperature drop has nearly wiped out the past century of temperature increase. Look, I'm not a scientist; I don't even play one on TV. And maybe this is a temporary drop in a long-term rise. At the very least, though, it tells us we shouldn't be as certain as we seem to be.
2. If the fourteen Starbuckses on your block were all closed at the same time last night, that was deliberate. Memo to Starbucks: The word "re-education" has some horrible connotations. And it wasn't a coincidence that a billion newspapers used the term; check this from Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. In case you missed the three-hour closing yesterday, I hope these two old posts will make up for it: Mr. Smith goes to Starbucks (photo comic); O.J. Simpson goes to Starbucks.
3. An article (via MetsBlog) discusses great brawls in Mets history, including my all-time favorite, a duel between Ray Knight of the Mets and Eric Davis of Cincinnati in 1986. There were so many ejections that when the game went deep into extra innings, the Mets had to use one of their relief pitchers in the outfield -- well, actually, two of them. Relievers Jesse Orosco (a lefty) and Roger McDowell (a righty) alternated on the mound, depending on whether the batter was righty or lefty. The pitcher who wasn't on the mound would then take his position in the outfield, in the position opposite from the batter's side, to reduce the chances he'd somehow have to field a ball that was hit out there. So Orosco and McDowell kept trotting back and forth from the mound to the outfield. It doesn't get any better than that. (Note: The article says that Cinci manager Pete Rose "furiously tried to find a rule that prevented the Mets from rotating pitchers, to no avail. The Mets won the five-hour, 14-inning marathon on a three-run Howard Johnson bomb.")
4. Scary toilet alert: "Don't Sit on That Toilet!" (via BOTWT) "An employee of an Auburn nursing home called firefighters for help on Tuesday because the toilets were exploding with steam." A boiler explosion set off a sprinkler system, which led to flooding of the nursing home.
5. Always looking for ways to support this country, Hollywood has developed (with the able help of the ACLU) the orange ribbon and wristband, to protest our treatment of Al Qaeda detainees at Guantanamo. See this, too. (both via HotAir) And if that were not enough, we get the "Torture Playlist" of music allegedly used by the military "to induce sleep deprivation, 'prolong capture shock,' disorient detainees during interrogations—and also drown out screams." (via BOTWT) I'm sure I'd confess to anything if I had to listen to that dreck.
6. While Hollywood is blaming us for detaining Al Qaeda members and fellow travelers, the British are showing us what happens when you follow Hollywood's advice: "Terror trial exposes network of terror camps in picturesque rural England." (via LGF) The trial described in this article "exposed a network of alleged British terrorism training camps with a serious intent to prepare recruits for mass murder."
February 26, 2008
Flushathon update
I complained the other day about missing out on the flushathon at the new Nationals Stadium, where they tested the plumbing by repeatedly flushing the toilets at the same time.
But a guy who was there wrote about it, and if you read his report, you'll know why he was there and I wasn't. Not a single stupid joke about synchronized periods. (via Baseball Crank)
And by the way, one of his commenters suggests selling the naming rights to Hebrew National, which would be pretty cool, given the name of the team and the fact that Ted Lerner is a big supporter of Jewish institutions.
February 24, 2008
Taking the Green Line, not the 7 Train, to Flushing
When I was in college, you probably will not be surprised to learn, some of my friends were pretty immature. One of them used to make cracks about synchronization among the female students. At "that time of the month," he'd say, there'd be a mass simultaneous flushing of toilets, putting the entire plumbing system of the college at risk.
This was actually one of the less immature versions of the stories I heard. Supposedly, it's a common college prank to have the guys engage in coordinated flushing of the toilets, with the goal of actually breaking the system. My buddy's joke was a lot less destructive, I'd say.
But all of this was brought back to me by an article in the Washington Post today. I am very unhappy that I was not asked to participate in this project, which would have been a blast. And you couldn't even call it immature, because it was part of a planned testing program to ensure the plumbing in the new Nationals Stadium can handle 30,000 or so beer-sodden fans (assuming they ever get that many).
The project I'm referring to is this: "A Test of 7th-Inning Stretch Proportions, Flush by Flush."
It was an important, if not highly skilled, job required of 175 volunteers yesterday at Nationals Park. They were present for a synchronized swooshing, a choreography of commodes to test whether the new stadium's plumbing could handle the nearly steady flushing of more than 500 toilets and urinals.Synchronized, eh? Did they invite the women from the college dorm?
Just as with the immature pranks I described above, you have to test the system to the max. How often would each urinal be used during a game? Every 30 to 45 seconds, perhaps? Well, you have to test it with a shorter interval.
"Please instruct your people: every toilet every 10 seconds, every urinal every 15 seconds," Howard reminded over the radio. "No more, no less."The trouble is that when you let the women get involved in a project like this, which is really saturated in male immaturity, they don't quite get it right.
And the volunteers took their jobs to heart. Inside a ladies' room on the 300 level, Emily Harris, 24, kept a steady eye on her watch. "Five, four, three, two, one," she counted off as she and her mother, Kit Harris, 54, and another volunteer, Morgan Dodd, 56, alternated their way down the row of stalls, flushing one toilet every 10 seconds.Ladies, it's not one toilet every 10 seconds; it's every toilet every 10 seconds. If they had invited me to participate, you can be sure I wouldn't have screwed that up. And I would have earned my commemorative tee-shirt.
"We were nowhere near straining the system," Kirlin project engineer Tony Giampapa said happily as he handed out commemorative T-shirts after the test.I'll bet I know what the tee-shirts said. "My brother flushed more than 500 toilets and urinals, and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt."
I hope the Nationals realize it'll be a long time before I get over my bitterness about having been excluded from this.
February 21, 2008
Is that a paintbrush in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
The jokes write themselves.
That is, if you happen to be a guy whose shtick is painting with your male member.
SYDNEY (Reuters) - A cheeky artist who uses his penis as a brush has entered a racy self-portrait for Australia's top art prize.I thought I'd heard it all when I learned about a guy who painted with his butt. But that's old hat; as Mr. Patch explains, "'I had to use my bum to paint in the background, because you have to have the occasional break,' Patch told the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper on Wednesday."
Australian Tim Patch, who calls himself Pricasso, usually exposes his talents at sex product fairs around the world, but has decided to go upmarket by entering a painting for Australia's Archibald Prize -- the nation's top award for portraiture.
In a unique painting style, Patch does not use paint brushes, but his penis to apply paint to the canvas.
Because, in answer to the question you've got all bottled up inside, it's not the most pleasant sensation in the world:
"Painting on canvas for hours on end is not very kind to your skin. It's pretty tiring and it gets really sore."So, what does his oeuvre look like? Well, you may recognize this guy:
Exit question: What does this artiste think of the new enhanced-privacy urinals? (via Toner Mishap)
Personally, I find it a little creepy, sort of on the level of a photo of the President painted with some dude's hingie-dingie.
February 19, 2008
Headlines of the day
1. Man Found Naked, Intoxicated, Urinating From Lookout Tower In Park (Bonus: there's a video at that link.)
2. Nude burglar in video cock-up
3. Toilet break to last five days
(first two via Fark; third via BOTWT)
February 12, 2008
Primary Tuesday linkfest
You may have heard that the Maryland primary was held today (as were the primaries in Virginia and the District of Columbia). I showed up at 7:00 in the morning as the polls opened. Why I bothered I'll never understand. It was down to a decision between my fourth and my fifth choices for the nomination. (I registered a protest vote by voting for my first, who was already out of the race.) But I did vote for the Mission Impossible guy to run against our Democratic congressman in November, and I voted for school board, too.
Although I declined it, the election judges foisted an "I voted" sticker on me. I tried to convince my 16-year-old son to wear it to school today, but he doesn't like his father's sense of humor.
Anyway, here's tonight's linkfest, starting with the political:
1. In last week's linkfest, I pointed you to a video of Obama supporters in a Luntz focus group being asked to name a single accomplishment for Obama. Today, we have the second installment in the same quest. Not as good as the first one, but one member tries to "pass," as if this were law school, and another says Obama's accomplishment was being the only black senator.
2. From a few days ago . . . Mickey Kaus: "Marion Barry to endorse Obama: Isn't there something Obama can do to stop this?"
3. The Republican Jewish Coalition begins an ad campaign that hits home for Jews on the most sensitive issue ever: "I Used To Be A Democrat." Truly hitting below the belt. At this rate, within no more than 50 years, the Republicans will increase their share of the Jewish vote to 30 percent.
4. The BBC: "With Valentine's Day around the corner, don't trust your instincts when it comes to selecting a mate." No, you should choose mathematically. Yes, mathematically. Or, to quote the Brits, you should use "maths." (In America, we can't even do math in the singular, let alone the plural.) Here is the formula, in case you were wondering:
Putting this into an equation, we could come up with the following (W=Witty, G=Aggressive, Ay=Your Attractiveness, AH=Her Attractiveness, R=Her "Amount" of Current Relationship; all variables from 1-10 with 10 being high):(via Fark)
You would, of course, have to evaluate the results on some type of scale, like the one here:
If ASK is less than zero you should lower your standards
If ASK is between zero and 1, you have exactly a snowball's chance in hell with her
If ASK is between 1 and 10, game on!
If ASK is greater than 10, consider her more attractive friend instead
5. Don't hit the "Reply to All" button. And don't reply to a message where the settings are borked and any reply is treated AS IF it were "Reply to All." That's the lesson from a Department of Homeland Security contractor's experience, related in The Belmont Club. Bonus: The distribution list for this intelligence report somehow included a fellow in the defense industry of Iran. Yes, that Iran. (hat tip: fee simple)
6. If you've been dissatisfied with the current generation of composting toilets, I have good news for you: "The Next Generation of Composting Toilet Technology is Here." (hat tip: Son of the Right Hand) But if this toilet won't dispose of the dead bodies I have lying around, I'll just have to wait until the next generation after that.
January 13, 2008
Toilets of the Times
If I told you that the New York Times had a review of toilets on Friday, you would naturally assume I had been reading the Arts pages. You know, perhaps a review of Serrano's "Piss Christ -- Number 2."
But you would be wrong.
You would be wrong, because New York City has been trying to provide public toilets for years, perhaps centuries. Which is a very, very long time to hold it.
And the future is finally here: "Greetings, Earthlings. Your New Restroom Is Ready."
I don't want to spoil the review for you, so I will just give you some highlights:
* Indecent exposure:
What follows is possibly the longest and most awkward 20 to 30 seconds of a person’s day. The door slips open like an elevator, but then it stays open, to accommodate those who need extra time getting in. Meanwhile, men and women in suits walk past. It is very difficult to look inconspicuous in a bathroom on a sidewalk in New York with the door open. There is just nothing to do but stand there. And the delay will not please those who are in distress.* The cost and size:
This toilet, which cost more than $100,000, is very spacious, large enough to accommodate a wheelchair. One cannot touch the side walls with arms outstretched.* The toilet itself:
Sadly, these little surprises are forgotten with the first look at the toilet itself, an imposing, metal, cold-looking receptacle in the corner. There is no little stall around it, and so it looks exposed, like the facilities available in many prisons. It, too, is quite damp, for perfectly good reasons explained later, but the image first evokes a dungeon or a scene from one of the “Saw” pictures.Surely, by now, if you haven't gone back to click on the link I gave you, you're thinking, "Is there a photo of this monstrosity?"
Why yes, yes there is.
With toilets like these, it's really no wonder Mayor Bloomberg has his eyes on the White House.
(hat tip: Mrs. A)
UPDATE (1/15): When you write things like what I wrote just above about Mayor Bloomberg, some people just don't pick up the ironic tone. I'm now on the Draft Bloomberg mailing list. Bwahahaha! I'm as likely to support him as Hillary. Not very.
November 21, 2007
Pre-Thanksgiving linkfest
Things I'm thankful for:
1. That mine don't itch (video).
2. That I've never had to do this while on TV (video).
3. That my wife doesn't have one of these blenders (also check out the video at the end).
Reposts from previous Thanksgivings:
1. PSA: Don't deep-fry your turkey. And you must, you absolutely must, click on the link where it says "Click here to download the movie." In fact, I've pasted it in here to make it easier for you.
2. A bunch of turkeys tried to get on a commuter train at Ramsey, New Jersey.
November 18, 2007
Potty mouth
In one of his routines from the 1960s, Bill Cosby asked why women go to the bathroom together. Have you ever been out on a double, triple, or fourple date, he asked, and one woman said, "Let's go to the ladies' room" and they all got up? Men would never do that, he said. If a guy stood up and said, "Let's go to the men's room," they'd say, "No, I think you'd better go by yourself." After he left, they'd say, "What's wrong with that guy, anyway?"
It turns out that if you're in Taiwan, you can go to a restaurant where this scenario never has to occur, no matter how many women are in your date group.
Because now, there are toilets right at your seat. In fact, your seat is a toilet.
And in case you don't like surprises, the restaurant's name is Modern Toilet.
I would have thought this type of themed restaurant would reach Japan first, or certainly Korea (whose toilet situation I discussed last week). But I guess Taiwan is trying hard to avoid reunification with the commies. By any means necessary.
So I'm sure you're wondering how this could have come to, uh, pass. Here's how:
The restaurant's Duty Manager, Wei Duo-Yi, explains how the idea developed:I remember back in the early 1980s, when I lived in Manhattan's West 70s, there was a restaurant on Broadway called Ernie's, and one of my sisters told me that if you ordered pasta, it was brought to you in a huge, white bowl. She called it "pasta in a potty."
- It was an ice shop decorated with toilets before. Most of the customers like the decorations so we tried to expand it into a restaurant -.
It turns out that Modern Toilet takes this concept all but literally, serving food in toilet-shaped bowls. (Which we'll just have to assume are not real toilets.)
The seats are all made from toilet bowls, tables are glass-topped jumbo bathtubs, customers eat from mini plastic toilet bowls - and the WC themes run through the food and drinks menus.Mmmmmmmm, appetizing!
Last, no one should finish this story without first checking out this video, at the same link, from ITN, which apparently does not stand for International Toilet News. (Mild content warning: Infantile toilet puns, and a poo-shaped chocolate dessert.)
November 11, 2007
Stowing thrones
"People who live in ass houses shouldn't stow thrones." OK, I'm glad I got that one out of my system.
Perhaps if Sim Jae-duck were a Brit instead of Korean, he would have demanded the address "No. 2 Downing Street" for his new toilet-shaped house.
"Hmmm," you're thinking. "My toilet doesn't have a windowed bowl." Ha! You are so not thinking outside the box.
This project is the brainchild, if you want to call it that, of Mr. Sim, a Korean known to all -- to all, that is, who are in the know -- as "Mr. Toilet." Now there's a name I wish I had chosen!
Sim is building the two-story house set to be finished Sunday to commemorate the inaugural meeting later this month of the World Toilet Association.In case you think this is some weird Korean humor that you just don't understand, let me set you straight. The World Toilet Association is a real group. It even has a real website. Well, it has a website. Whether it's real or not I'll leave for you to ponder.
By the way, the WTA has some goals you ought to know about:
The World Toilet Association, supported by the South Korean government, says that it aims to launch a "toilet revolution", getting people to open up about what goes on in the privacy of their bathrooms for the sake of improving worldwide hygiene.I'm not sure I personally want to open up about what's going on in there, and I certainly don't want to tell it to some government-funded group.
Now, I hope you get an idea from the photo above how huge this house is.
Billed as the world's only toilet house, the 419-square-metre (4,508-sq-foot) concrete and glass structure rose on the site of Sim's former home in Suweon, 40 kilometres (24 miles) south of Seoul.Naturally, a house that large could be rented out for parties and whatever for a large amount of money. (Think luxury boxes at the Washington Nationals' new stadium.) Sim says that before his family moves in -- I don't think "moves" is meant as a joke -- he'll rent out the toilet house for $50,000 a day, "with proceeds going towards providing poor countries with proper sanitary facilities."
If $50K a day seems a bit expensive for that party you were thinking of throwing, you should consider what you'll get for your money:
In the centre of the house is a glass-walled bathroom which features a device producing mist to make sure users do not feel too exposed. The loo's lid is raised automatically and music is also turned on when people enter.But wait! There's more!
The house, which has a stream and small garden in front, is nicknamed in Korean "Haewoojae," meaning "a place of sanctuary where one can solve one's worries."
A showpiece bathroom at the centre of the 4,520-square-foot house is on display through a floor-to-ceiling window made of glass that can be turned opaque at the touch of a button.If this description doesn't, er, bowl you over, you can read more details about the house and see more photos here. (I note that one commenter thinks this is miserable feng shui. About 15 years ago, there was an article in the Rockville Gazette about feng shui, and the subject advised not to locate your bathroom near the front door. He said he once had an apartment with a bathroom there, and every time he put his key in the front door, he felt he needed to use the bathroom. I remember the article, because I sent it to Dave Barry and got a real note back from him. Those were the days . . . .)
When guests enter to do their business, a motion sensor activates classical music.
The home has a total four bathrooms, others which offer amenities such as a whirlpool bathtub, urinals and large glass showers.
Finally, I wouldn't want to eliminate from my account of this architectural marvel the quotation of the day.
"The toilet is not merely a place for excretion — it can save humankind from diseases," [Sim] continued. "A place of relaxation and purging, the toilet is a place for introspection. The toilet is also a central living place that possesses culture."And even better is Mr. Sim's essential philosophy:
"Toilets stand central to people's lives."I would say this definitely ranks up there with Kant's views: "Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law." In other words, build a toilet house only if you think everyone should live in one.
Next up: Hillary's universal toilet insurance.
May 02, 2007
BYOTP
Yes, BYOTP means exactly what you think. That's the advice of the town manager of Walkersville, Maryland, near Frederick, after vandals set fire to some paper inside a bathroom at one of the town's parks, although for some reason the town's web site doesn't yet publicize this.
My suggestion, never having visited Walkersville myself, but being a veteran of skanky park restroom facilities, is BYOT. I've even found a page recommending five of them. Just from the looks of the photos alone, you might want to check out #1 (no pun intended) and #5.
I'd really advise you to stop here. If you click this link and especially the ones it contains, don't say I didn't warn you.
UPDATE: The twits at the AP use the same lame joke about BYOTP. And the Frederick News-Post adds this information about "inappropriate behavior" at the parks: "A resident told commissioners at the April 11 town meeting that he had found crack pipes, condoms and profane graffiti in the park, which is designed for children ages 12 and under, Rollins said." If this were Montgomery County, I would suspect the condoms were given to the under-12 kids in school.
April 25, 2007
Late April linkfest
I barely have time to yawn these days, but I didn't want a few classic stories to go by unnoticed. So you'll excuse me if I put them in a linkfest.
1. You know how little kids have potty mouths these days? Well, check out the newest fad: potty heads.
LONDON (Reuters) - Firefighters said on Wednesday they had come to a [2-1/2 year old] boy's rescue after he got a toilet seat stuck on his head which he couldn't get off.That must have been some party!
2. Florida: A state senator who was "convicted of grand theft for paying his office staff with state money while he worked on his re-election campaign" but is still in office has introduced a bill that would allow schools to suspend students for up to 10 days for showing their underwear. The bill is called "Pull Up Your Britches." The link contains video.
3. A British documentary on the "telly," called "Human Footprint," makes a remarkable claim: "The average person will eat over 10,000 bars of chocolate, shed 121 pints of tears and have sex more than 4,200 times" over a lifetime. The article at the link is accompanied by a chart stating how much or how many in a lifetime for a whole variety of things.
Particularly relevant to Pillage Idiot is this: "35,815 litres of wind passed." This figure might make sense to me if I knew how many inches there are in a litre.
And if you believe all of these figures, that means you had better get going if you want to have sex 4,239 times in your lifetime, which coincidentally is the exactly the same number of rolls of toilet paper you'll use. Unless, of course, you're Sheryl Crow.
4. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi speak to the press, and Harry puts his hand on Nancy's shoulder. Nancy pretends she doesn't mind. But she's faking it.
(1-3 via Fark, 4 via Hot Air)
UPDATE: 5. Ace updates a post from HuffPo about how to tell if your husband is gay. My answer: "Are you a man? If so, your husband is gay. So are you."
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