Joey Biden is sent to the principal's office

"Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."

-- Joe Biden

Principal: Joey, Mrs. Ballenchain tells me you've been saying bad words in her classroom.

Biden: No, Mr. Whacker, it's all a misunderstanding.

Principal: Really, Joey? Pray tell.

Biden: Well, Mr. Whacker, when she turned off the lights to show a movie, I said, "It's as dark as a ship's hold in here."

Principal: Be honest, Joey. You didn't say "ship's hold," did you?

Biden: Well . . . uh . . . I . . . er . . . I guess not.

Principal: Because Mrs. Ballenchain says you used a four-letter word.

Biden: Gosh, no, Mr. Whacker. It was actually only three letters.

Principal: Three letters?

Biden: Yeah . . . S - H - I - T. Three letters.


Biden video here.

.

Click here to read more . . .

Sunday morning mini-linkfest

I was going to leave you a mini-linkfest on my way out of town for the weekend, but it happened too fast. So with your indulgence, I'm going to give it to you a little late.

1. 1. S.Weasel has discovered Abraham Lincoln's YouTube account. It's actually a Joe Biden joke.

2. Out of concern for the sensibilities of certain very quiet and unassuming people, the Brits are installing toilets at the 2012 Olympics that face away from Mecca. (via HotAir) You can't face Mecca when you're doing your business. Brits have previously dealt with this in their prisons. As the article notes: "Muslim prisoners complained of having to sit sideways on toilets so as to not break code." They're in prison and they're worried about breaking the law? I've always complained about Jewish prisoner who commit crimes and then demand to keep kosher in prison. Same thing there.

3. Maybe we should check with Muslim prisoners first, but PETA wants Ben & Jerry's to use breast milk for its ice cream, instead of cows' milk. (also via HotAir)

4. An article that actually exists: 5 Insane Devices From Kids Cartoons (That Actually Exist) (via Ace)

Click here to read more . . .

The barbecue

Is it just me, or does Mr. Obama seem to be past his "sell by" date?

I'm just wondering, because it seems to me that if you're running as the Second Coming of Jesus, you sort of have to keep throwing out for us a new miracle every couple of weeks. Right about now, Jesus -- I mean, Obama -- looks more like he's struggling to keep that fake hair and beard attached to his head.

Maybe I'm wrong.

I'm sure I could be. But I'd like you to read about the barbecue described by Kat-Mo at Ace's, featuring these characters: "Uncle John" McCain; Psuedo-Professor, Professional Community Organizer Obama, MA, BS; "Uncle Joe" Biden; and "Cousin Sarah" Palin. It sounds a little odd in my description, but if you read it, it makes a heck of a lot of sense.

Click here to read more . . .

Anagram time once again

The names OBAMA and BIDEN seem to work well with Boggle, but I wanted to try to get some anagrams out of them, too.

BAD NAME, BIO (Obama himself)
BAD BIO, MEAN (Obama and Biden)
BOMB AN IDEA
I BOMB A DEAN (the semi-official Bill Ayers anagram)
ON A DIM BABE
DEAN, A BIMBO
NO MAID, BABE
NAB MOB AIDE (the inevitable Chicago anagram)

If you add first names, as in BARACK OBAMA / JOE BIDEN, you can come up with a few doozies.

RABBI MADE A BACON JOKE
A BAREBACK MAID, JOB ONE
MAC JOB: A BARE NAKED BIO
I JAB A CROOKED MAN, BABE
A BAD MAN, O CABBIE JOKER

Well, that's all I had time for this morning. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

Previous: Anagrams. More anagrams here and here. And "Columbia Journalism Review mocks Pillage Idiot."

Click here to read more . . .

Joe Biden works with his speechwriter

Through the miracle of electronic eavesdropping, we here at Pillage Idiot were privy to a conversation between Joe Biden and the speechwriter he's using to draft his acceptance speech as the vice presidential nominee at the Democratic convention this week in Denver.

Here is a partial transcript.

SW: I do understand, Senator. I see what you're trying to do. But . . .

Biden: Don't "but" me like that, Butthead. I've served in the Senate since before you were born.

SW: Technically, Senator, I don't think . . .

Biden: You don't think, is right. I'm the one who thinks here. Remember that.

SW: What I was saying was, I see what you're trying to do, but you really can't start your speech with "Four score and seven years ago."

Biden: What's wrong with it? Language a little . . . archaic?

SW: No . . .

Biden: Because it wouldn't work for me to say "87 years ago." I mean, try it. "87 years ago, our fathers and mothers brought forth . . ." No, it just wouldn't work.

SW: I realize . . .

Biden: You don't realize anything. Listen to me. I got simultaneous law degrees at Harvard, Yale, and Oxford. I'm the one who realizes.

SW: I realize that, Senator.

Biden: Don't you understand what an important year 1921 was?

SW: Yes, but . . .

Biden: There you go, "but"-ting me again.

SW: But Senator, there are millions of people who will be watching your speech. If you start it with "Four score and seven years ago," people will . . . they'll think . . .

Biden: People don't think. They're like you.

SW: They'll know where that line . . .

Biden: Get this through your thick skull. My IQ is at least two score and ten points higher than yours.

SW: All right, OK. But can't we at least take out the part about dedicating a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives? Please?

Click here to read more . . .