Not news: Massachusetts legislator Dianne Wilkerson takes a bribe.
News: Massachusetts legislator Dianne Wilkerson takes a bribe and stuffs the money in her bra.
Pillage Idiot: Massachusetts legislator Dianne Wilkerson takes a bribe, stuffs the money in her bra, and discovers that the money has been stored in Congressman William Jefferson's freezer.
(hat tip: fee simple)
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Showing posts with label underwear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label underwear. Show all posts
October 29, 2008
When corruption meets underwear
September 02, 2008
Boxers, briefs, or . . . V-Neck tee shirts?
One of the pleasures of not working in a law firm is that I don't have to worry about what to wear. In particular, I don't have to worry about what's appropriate for business casual.
My personal view of business casual is that it's foolish. Either poop or get off the pot. In other words, dress like a man (in a suit), or dress regular casual.
In case you, too, have avoided the farce of business casual, you might not realize what kinds of problems this creates.
Here's an important question (via Above the Law):
Q. My son will be working as an intern in one of the big Wall Street firms this summer. They do not have to wear ties but will be wearing dress shirts. Should he wear a crewneck T-shirt under his shirt, which will obviously show at the neck, or a V-neck? Thanks!I'm going to tell you the correct answer (my answer, that is). Wear a crew neck shirt with a collar that at most peeks out. Never wear a V-neck tee shirt. The V is not a masculine shape, if you know what I mean. You'll look like a freakin' metrosexual. And, no, you may not skip the tee shirt entirely when you wear a dress shirt. No bare chest for you. Because if you don't wear one, the armpits of your dress shirt are going to look as if your personal glaciers have been melting from global warming. End of story.
I didn't like answer of the columnist who posed the question, so here's a second opinion, also via ATL:
According to Carney, "in some circles it's seen as risqué and trashy not to wear an undershirt." And I'm sure a lot of people would argue the display of chest hair could potentially paralyze an otherwise promising career. However, the case study after the jump demonstrates that for some people, and only if you are sex on a stick like the subject that follows, letting your curly q's stick out can be the ticket to the big leagues. Bow chica wow wow.And if you click on the link, note the problem with the men in the photo. They have TWO buttons open. Only one, guys. Only one.
Now, in light of the models at the top of the ATL post, and the lustful comment from a German reporter-ess when seeing Barack Obama work out at the gym, I had planned to photoshop the Democratic nominee in various tee shirts.
It turns out that wasn't necessary. I found a site called Dress Up Barack Obama. There aren't tee shirts there, but there are a lot of other clothing options at the site. To play, click on "Let's Get Dressed."
If you want to see what I came up with there, copy and paste this into the appropriate box at the site:
{f:1,mc:_level0.character_mc},{d:5013,c:hat,y:-72.95,x:1.55000000000001,mc:hat003},{d:4011,c:glasses,y:42.5,x:30.55,mc:glasses001},{d:3011,c:shirt,y:111.5,x:15.5,mc:shirt009},{d:2007,c:pants,y:201.6,x:22.8,mc:pants002},{d:1009,c:shoes,y:340.05,x:16.1,mc:shoes003}
August 07, 2008
When "bullet-resistant" bras are not enough
The Germans think they can protect their female law enforcement officers by buying "bullet-resistant bras," but we know better. (via HotAir) When you buy a watch that says it's "water-resistant," you don't wear it in the water. All that means is that if it gets rained on, you're OK. So even if your bra is "bullet-resistant," it's not "bullet-proof," and I wouldn't advise you to get shot in the chestal area. You'd better still carry that Bible in your pocket.
That being said, we do have anecdotal evidence that some bras can protect you from a bullet. And even if they're not bullet-proof, the bullet-resistant bras do look pretty cool, what with the word "Polizei" written on the underband. I'd definitely like to have that written on my own underwear.
Now, right about now, you're probably wondering whether the police chicks could pack some heat in those bras. I'm glad you asked. Here's an article from the BBC from 2001 that says:
An American inventor has designed the world's first - and so far only - combined brassiere and gun holster.If that's correct, it's hard to believe the bra has room for the woman herself. So call me a skeptic. But I'm willing to venture a guess what the Germans would call this device:
The underwear is designed to hold a .38 calibre snub-nose revolver, and also has room for a pepper spray.
ein Pfefferspritzpistolentaschebüstenhalter
It's almost enough to make me want to invest.
June 23, 2008
Monday mini-linkfest
1. Isn't this always true about men? "Doubts Raised Over Whether Md. Inmate Will be Committed" (Well, that was the headline when I first linked the story, anyway.)
2. Next time you're lost in the Alps and need to be rescued, try attaching your bra to a logging cable line. Especially if it's a size 36 DD. [UPDATE: Regrettably, the bra size has been debunked. Via Ace.]
3. Remember the Obama campaign office with the Che flag? Turns out that the woman who mans that post has been prohibited from talking about it.
4. And speaking of Che and Obama, I realize this has been around the 'sphere, but here's the office of the Ohio judge who overturned the state's death-penalty procedures.
5. We'll soon see, perhaps as early as Wednesday, whether this prediction is right. SCOTUSblog figures out that the Supreme Court's gun-control decision soon to be released in the Heller case is going to be written by Justice Scalia. The blog has a good track record. In April, it correctly predicted that Justice Kennedy would write the opinion in Boumediene, the Guantanamo case.
June 04, 2008
On my 100th
You know, it's always a little traumatic to have a major birthday, and by major, I mean one that makes you suddenly a lot older than you were just a few days earlier.
The first major birthday I had was what we called the "QC" -- or quarter century. I was in law school at the time, and it didn't really bother me, because I had a few other things to worry about.
I've had one or two major birthdays since then, but I want you to know that when I turn 100 and Mrs. Attila is 99, my goal is to drive the wrong way down the highway, with her sitting next to me, because I've never done that before. As I always say, trying new things keeps you young. (Incidentally, the story says that the couple will "probably" be asked to turn in their licenses. Probably?)
And just to clarify my goal for a minute: I want to drive the wrong way down the highway after mooning someone in a restaurant so hard that I broke the glass and injured the part of my anatomy that rhymes with it. (In the story it was a 21-year-old, but anything he can do, I can do better.)
And in case you were wondering: My goal is to drive the wrong way down the highway after mooning someone in a restaurant on my get-away flight after robbing a convenience store while wearing thong underwear. Wearing it not on my "glass," mind you, but on my face. To disguise me.
Why is this my goal?
Because whenever the press talks to a centenarian, they always ask this question: To what do you attribute your long life? And I'm going to borrow a line from Admiral Hargrade, known as "the Admiral" on Get Smart.
When they ask me that question, I'm going to state firmly and without a second's hesitation: "Prunes!"
May 27, 2008
Put it on and keep it on
Underwear: Can't live with it, can't live without it.
"Employees counting donations at a popular Hindu shrine in southern India will no longer have to take off their underpants at work after the local human rights commission intervened."
"Officials say visitors to a southwest Ohio jail can't wear plunging necklines, Spandex or see-through garb. The Hamilton County jail said the new dress code also requires guests to wears shirts, shoes and underwear."
And in somewhat distantly related news, you know those unlicensed performance enhancement drugs you bought? Well, you should probably keep your underwear on.
And in even more distantly related news, here's another in our series of stories about the dangers of externomingent acts, this time the canine edition. Dog to lamp post: Take that! Lamp post to dog: Bzzzzzztt! (via Fark)
April 09, 2008
Wednesday linkfest
This is the place where I drop links that I've been collecting but haven't had time to write about while I've been trying to figure out my mother's taxes.
1. From the distaff side of the moronosphere, S.Weasel has a delightful tribute to Charlton Heston. Well, to his buttocks, anyway.
2. Speaking of the moronosphere, check doubleplusundead regularly for his daily roundups, called "around the moronosphere in 80 iq points." I think the Moron-in-Chief was responsible for that name.
3. Since it's tax time, I'd like to bring you this: "Woman Apologizes for Pitbull Attack on IRS Employee." (via TaxProf Blog)
4. Here's the barbecue guy who loves the NoKos. The FBI already knows about him, thanks to his dad. Really. Will there be a place for him as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration? And this: A coincidence?
5. Will you be more in love with your wife if she learns to play poker? This article says you will. It sounds totally asinine to me, because you play poker precisely to be alone with the boys, but there are some other tips for women that sound a little better than that.
6. If you live in Minnesota, your tax dollars are funding what may be a madrassa.
7. Ace writes about a post by a user at Obama's site attacking the Jews. A commenter finds the cached link after the post is taken down.
8. From the Department of Old: "Woman's Lawsuit Claims Bra Injured Her / Victoria's Secret Denies Claims." (via Ace's headlines last week)
9. From the Department of Not So New: Starbucks won't let you customize your card with "Laissez Faire" but will let you use "People Not Profits"? (via Volokh)
10. Child "maths" genius-ette becomes a call girl (with probably NSFW photo) (via Fark)
11. Get your ice cold Mets motivational poster, courtesy of Baseball Crank. Not that I've already given up on them -- that'll take another few days like yesterday.
March 15, 2008
A wedgie ad campaign
When I was in college, a woman I knew told some friends of mine that she thought I should go into advertising. We all found the idea ludicrous at the time, and a couple of years later, I ended up in law school.
But I'll tell you this: If I had gone into advertising, I probably would have come up with a campaign to advertise women's underwear that's "wedgie-free."
As Dave Barry would say, I'm not making this ad campaign up.
If you'll notice, the ad mentions a website at Hanes, which I didn't really want to go to, but despite my own feelings, I did it, anyway. It was for you. That's just the kind of guy I am.
The first thing I learned at the site (which redirects to wedgiefree.com) was that some chick named Sarah Chalke used to suffer from embarrassing underwear wedgies. It turns out Sarah Chalke is an actress or something, which may explain her talent for re-enacting embarrassing underwear wedgie scenes, like this (from the site):
The wedgiefree.com site has some useful videos of ol' Sarah prancing around until she gets a wedgie and tries to correct it. In my opinion, the best video is the one taken by a "security camera." All of this being conveniently unstaged, mind you. She's only an actress.
As far as I can tell, not being a person of the female persuasion, an underwear wedgie is sort of like what happens when men have the need to rearrange their personal regions in public. You women readers, we men call this Code Blue. You may think we're just digging and scratching, but we're not. We have really serious business to take care of.
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. If you visit the site, you'll find what might be called the Wedgie Monologues, if you catch my drift. It's actually called The Wedgie Stories, but we all know what they're talking about, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, right? It's a "book" where you can read Sarah's personal wedgie story: At the Emmys, she twisted around in her four-inch heels trying to unwedgie it (I'm pretty sure that verb is found in the Oxford English Dictionary) but tore her dress doing so. You can also read the wedgie stories of something like 25 other unfortunate women. For example, the board room wedgie, the air cadet wedgie, the rainy day wedgie.
But my truly favorite feature of the site is, if you click on "Wedgie-free Wednesdays," you can send an e-card to your friend, which will arrive on Wednesday. I'm totally serious, by the way. Try it for yourself.
What's troubling to me, however, is that if you want to send an e-card, you'll have to agree to the terms and conditions posted there, which include this: "I also agree that my submission does not contain defamatory, obscene, threatening or otherwise unlawful material . . . ."
It would have been a lot simpler if they had just made you agree that it's not that time of the month.
Previous underwear ad campaigns: Bras that do tricks, Thank goodness it fits.
February 25, 2008
Monday evening linkfest
I've been collecting items that don't necessarily warrant their own post, and I'm going to dump them all here. Don't thank me. It's for your own good.
1. Have you ever thought to yourself, "Sure, Barack Obama is a well groomed and articulate young Negro, but what has the gentleman done for me?" Think no longer. Barack Obama is your new bicycle. Don't forget to keep clicking once you get there. (via Ace)
2. I'll tell you, though, what Barack Obama's done for a little townhouse in Greenwich Village that disappeared one day in 1970. Undoubtedly out of compassion for their loss, Obama has befriended some of the folks in the Weathermen unit with the guys who blew it up.
3. Speaking of Obama, an Obama supporter was choking his Hillary-supporting brother-in-law, who responded by stabbing the Obama supporter. Did you understand that? No? Well, read this, then. (via JammieWearingFool, via HotAir) And here's the punch line from the article: "On a side note: Voter registration records reveal that Ortiz, who supports Clinton, is registered Republican." Although that doesn't mean a heck of a lot these days.
4. Nobody but nobody gives Governor O'Malley credit for dealing with the crime problem other than the superannuated WaPo columnist David Broder. Maryland Conservatarian has got the goods.
5. Martin Kramer has great news for you if you enjoy being majorly depressed about the state of academics at certain Ivy League universities located in Morningside Heights. Amnon Rubinstein, a visiting Israeli professor has written a column about his time at Columbia. In Kramer's words: "Rubinstein discovered that the only truly active friends of Israel on campus were orthodox Jewish students. For him, a self-avowed secular humanist, it came as crushing disappointment that like-minded Israelis weren't standing up." Disappointment, yes; surprise, no. As Kramer points out, a professorship of Israel studies was set up in 2005, but the search committee included two notoriously anti-Israel professors. The result is that an Israeli was hired who "isn't a hard-left post-Zionist, but [is] far enough left to have signed a May 2002 open letter by some Israeli faculty" supporting Israelis who refused to serve as soldiers in the West Bank and Gaza.
6. On the lighter side, if The Graduate were being produced today by the U.N., it would not be "plastic" but rather "bugs." The headline says it all: "U.N. Conference Promotes Insect-Eating for Everyone From Famine Victims to Astronauts." (via Fark)
7. For those of you who are afraid to undergo a colonoscopy, please read this important public service announcement. From Dave Barry. (also via Fark) This will ease the fear, or at least keep you laughing about it. Regarding the "prep" -- that stuff you're supposed to drink to clean out your colon -- Barry writes: "The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground."
8. How do you know if your newspaper is on life support? One answer is: The entire 8-page sports section has two quarter-page ads, and they're both for non-medical remedies for erectile dysfunction. And I use the word "remedies" loosely. (via Ace)
9. Related: How do you know if your country is on life support? Answer: Your hospitals buy unisex underwear for the patients: "Male and female patients admitted to Swedish hospitals will soon be required to wear the same underwear." But there's a silver lining to these underwear. Now, some moron on MTV can ask Hillary this question: "Boxers or briefs?"
February 05, 2008
Super Tuesday linkfest
It's Super Tuesday today. So if you've come here to get informed political commentary, you'd better find another site right away.
But if you want a few interesting political links, try these:
1. Sean Hannity gets Frank Luntz to ask his focus group of Obama fans to name one specific accomplishment of Barack Obama. As the Fark line goes, hilarity ensues. Watch the video here. I swear one guy says Obama's a "great oratator."
2. In all the numerous bills of particulars that conservatives are posting against John McCain, the one I haven't seen yet is that, in the days when Cindy Sheehan was a big deal in the media, McCain met with her as if she were a respectable person. I did a photo comic at the time, which I think caught the essence of the encounter: "Cindy and John: He said, she said."
3. A Weekly Standard review (subscribers only) of a couple of books about the United States from Spain is illustrated with a photo of protesters in Madrid in 2001 when Bush visited the city. Sadly, it's not in the web version of the review. Take a look at the photo. Notice what the signs at the lower left and in the middle say? I'm famous. Sort of.
4. This amusing story of voting in the Republican primary in Brooklyn has the ring of truth to it.
**********************************
OK, that concludes the political part of the linkfest. On to other topics. First, sports.
5. You may have heard that the Super Bowl was played on Sunday. But have you heard of the Puppy Bowl? (hat tip: Mrs. Attila)
6. I know that more people read this site than Instapundit, Ace of Spades HQ, and Best of the Web Today combined, so I doubt you'll have seen this one before. First they came for dodgeball and I said nothing. Then they came for Intentional Flatulence, which by all rights should be an Olympic sport. This is nuts: If you force them to hold it in, they'll explode. (hat tip: Soccer Dad, but don't mention that to his kids) [UPDATE 2/6: Story is an exaggeration, apparently taken from a gag sheet prepared by eighth-grade girls. The true school newsletter says: "I just want to make sure parents know this actually is not an official ban or new school rule. Some eighth grade teachers did tell eighth graders that if they continue to disrupt class by intentionally farting, they will get a detention. There is truth to that. Intentional flatulence can be a disruption to class, and we already have rules addressing disruptive behavior." Is that clear?]
And now, other bodily functions.
7. Remote control to undo vasectomy? Surely, you jest:
A man would then use the handset, or fob, to open it around the time of having sex if he and his partner wanted to conceive.This was a "Dude" headline at HotAir. With good reason.
Once the handset is pressed, it sends a coded radio signal through the skin to the implant, which contains a tiny antenna. The antenna picks up the signal and converts it into sound waves that "ripple" through the valve.
Since the valve itself is soft and flexible, the sound waves make it flap open - allowing sperm to pass through. As with cars, each device would have its own unique code so it could not be opened by anyone else.
"It's based on a radio signal, like the device on your key ring, which is coded so that you cannot open someone else's car," Professor Abbott says.
8. Today's headline of the day (via Fark): "Booze bra gives women a wine rack."
9. Leave it to the Brits: "THE minefield of lingerie shopping for lovers can be avoided this Valentine's Day with a new website which lets you visit a virtual dressing room and ask models to try on underwear." Nearly as good as the Tower of Boobel I wrote about two years ago.
January 02, 2008
Do-it-yourself news story
Tonight, we're going to try to make a do-it-yourself news story.
1. Start out with a catchphrase for the story. Pick a short phrase that combines words that are funny and memorable together. Let's go with "flying bra." You can't get much better than that.
2. Next add a humorous premise for the story, like this: Some girl is in a car with three friends and decides to hoist her bra (we'll make it a red one, just for fun) up the car's antenna, and the wind lifts it off into the air. She claims she removed it because the family dog had chewed it earlier in the day and caused it to fray. But a witness says the girls were making gestures with their mouths and lifting their shirts at some men in the car behind.
3. Fold in an element that makes you not sure whether to laugh or feel awful: A couple of goobers in the car behind suddenly swerve to avoid hitting something that turns out to be a flying bra. They crash and are injured.
4. Bring in "the law": The girl who hoisted the bra is charged . . . with littering.
5. Tie it up with the obvious: Litigation ensues. And before long, after getting settlements from the girls in the car, the passenger in the car that crashed sues the driver, his buddy.
Voilà! Here's your headline: "Friend sues buddy over 'flying bra' crash of '06"
And, of course, you'll need a photo showing the two unfortunate guys, with the passenger-plaintiff wearing a teeshirt that reads "The 4 Stages of Tequila."
(Via Patterico and Iowahawk)
November 20, 2007
Flaunting it and groping it at the airports
Not long after I started Pillage Idiot, I wrote a series of posts on what I called "lawyer groping" at the airports. (Google it; I'm at the top.) A lawyer named Rhonda Gaynier had complained about having been subject to a bra-and-breast exam by TSA screeners at the airport. I concluded: "Brought to you by TSA, whose motto is: Better that 100 innocent lawyers be groped than that one suspicious Arab be inconvenienced."
It turned out that the groping was not limited to lawyers, or even to people who were mistaken for lawyers. In early 2006, a class action suit alleging illegal pat-downs and strip searches of black women at O'Hare International Airport was settled.
Today, we learn through HotAir, that if you're a Canadian newspaper columnist who's "a robust 34 FF," you might be subject to TSA screener groping, too. (Paula Simons: "If my bra is a threat to national security, we're in big trouble.")
Most people would agree that subjecting women who wear bras with underwire support to groping at the airport makes little sense. The TSA ought to be trying to figure out who's suspicious, not who's large-bosomed (which, I admit, is a lot easier). But as I argued in the first series of posts about Ms. Gaynier, we do stupid things precisely in order NOT to profile people. The lesson is that we need to change our approach to airport security through increased profiling and intelligent scrutiny of travelers.
Sadly, Paula Simons learns the wrong lesson. She says: "When we blindly follow rules, when we waste time and energy defending ourselves from imaginary enemies, we actually create the potential for real threats to overtake us." Like the imaginary enemies who flew jets into the World Trade Towers and Pentagon.
When someone is such a total fool, it's very hard to summon any sympathy. Grope away!
November 06, 2007
Wedgie 2.0
I once wrote "A lexicographical wedgie," describing the addition of the word "wedgie" to Webster's dictionary. But that's nothing.
Check this from Ace: "An Age of Miracles And Wonders: Kids Invent Wedgie-Proof Underwear." Go to the link and check out the video of the two 8-year-old inventors on Fox News.
And on the same subject, at Gizmodo:
The quotes by the kids are the best part of this video, laced with lament and hope deeper than we could expect from youngsters: "When someone gives you a wedgie, it hurts, and when we made wedgie proof underwear, it won't hurt anymore." Cheer up kid, you'll get fewer wedgies as you age towards your nobel peace prizes for these things.Trouble is, as one of Ace's commenters points out:
Unfortunately once these dorks have been given a wedgie and their breakaway undies are pulled off, those undies will be shown to every other kid in the school as a trophy of their humiliation. A normally 5 minute embarrassing event will be transformed into a chapter in school pwning history.Now, if they could only invent tear-away underwear for, uh, adult women. It's called empowerment.
September 25, 2007
New evidence of global warming?
Miriam thinks so. Maybe that's what the "hockey stick" chart should have been.
Me, I'm skeptical. I'm waiting for a similar chart for the burqa. Then, I'll be a believer.
July 15, 2007
Merger made in blogger heaven
From this week's business news: "Energizer purchases Playtex Products for $2 billion" (hat tip: fee simple)
We'll throw out a couple of immature jokes first. "Take off my clothes, bunny." (You remember that joke, right?) How about: "Is that a battery in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
And then, we'll head right over to the immature post-merger corporate image.
June 05, 2007
Linkfest
It's been a little while, but now it's time for a linkfest.
1. This one's been lazing around in my in-box for a few days, kind of like your dog, who sleeps about 23/7. Cafe Press has removed G-strings and tee shirts for dogs that had pictures of Buddha on them out of possible offense to the Thais, who are acting more and more like Muslims every day. The article notes that "items depicting Jesus and Shiva remained." What a surprise! (hat tip: fee simple) Image and video at this link.
And in case you were wondering, another article on the subject says that "Top underwear designer Victoria's Secret withdraw [sic] bikinis emblazoned with Buddha images after similar protests in 2004." First they came for Muhammed thongs, and I said nothing. Then they came for Buddha thongs. Well, you get the idea.
2. I've been wondering why I've been getting lots of hits lately based on searches for Hillary and plastic surgery. Now I know. (via Hot Air)
3. In case that link isn't stupid enough for you, try this: Another column by Margery Eagan, this time about the wives of Republican candidates for president, with an emphasis on their "ample - and aging - display of decolletage." (also via Hot Air)
4. Speaking of aging, if you think getting older means you can't be a badass dude any more, think again. A guy on a plane starts acting all weird, and a 65-year-old former police commander takes charge, accompanied by a retired U.S. Marine captain of unspecified age. (We can surmise he was not young; the two were referred to as "grandfathers" and he had been married for 42 years, about which more in a second.)
The former police commander:
"I had looked around the plane for help, and all the younger guys had averted their eyes. When I asked the guy next to me if he was up to it, all he said was, 'Retired captain. USMC.' I said, 'You'll do,' " Hayden recalled. "So, basically, a couple of grandfathers took care of the situation."And this is classic. The retired Marine captain's wife of 42 years:
Hayden's wife of 42 years, Katie, who was also on the flight, was less impressed. Even as her husband struggled with the agitated passenger, she barely looked up from "The Richest Man in Babylon," the book she was reading.Guys, that's how you know your marriage is a good one. (via Fark)
"The woman sitting in front of us was very upset and asked me how I could just sit there reading," Katie Hayden said. "Bob's been shot at. He's been stabbed. He's taken knives away. He knows how to handle those situations. I figured he would go up there and step on somebody's neck, and that would be the end of it. I knew how that situation would end. I didn't know how the book would end."
May 22, 2007
Brief question
"Isabodywear underwear fends off cellphone radiation" (engadget)
But if the concern with cellphone radiation is brain cancer, shouldn't you wear this underwear on your head?
(hat tip: fee simple)
May 13, 2007
Course hazard
If your teenaged daughter calls you up to ask you how to get the car out of fresh cement, she may not be pulling your leg.
State Police say a teenage girl drove through construction zone markers on the West Virginia Turnpike and got stuck in freshly poured concrete.Then again, you might be in the passenger seat yourself when this happens.* * * * * The minivan then sank in the concrete, Kincaid said. Concrete covered the two axles of the vehicle.
"She went in deep," Kincaid said.
The 17-year-old girl from Durham, N.C., was driving a Dodge Caravan southbound Wednesday night when she came upon a construction zone near Mossy, Sgt. D.R. Kincaid said.But I guess it can happen to anyone.
Kincaid said the girl saw construction zone signs alerting her the right lane was closed ahead but panicked when she entered the zone and saw traffic behind her. The girl screamed for her mother, who was apparently asleep, and asked her what to do. Her mother told her to change lanes.
The girl, who was in the open left lane, then cut into the closed right lane, through construction cones positioned 40 feet apart, Kincaid said. The girl ran across small spots of fresh concrete that had dried, but when she reached a "super long" spot, that concrete was still wet.
Related by location:"Man with panties on face attempts to rob W.Va. store"
(via Fark)
April 25, 2007
Late April linkfest
I barely have time to yawn these days, but I didn't want a few classic stories to go by unnoticed. So you'll excuse me if I put them in a linkfest.
1. You know how little kids have potty mouths these days? Well, check out the newest fad: potty heads.
LONDON (Reuters) - Firefighters said on Wednesday they had come to a [2-1/2 year old] boy's rescue after he got a toilet seat stuck on his head which he couldn't get off.That must have been some party!
2. Florida: A state senator who was "convicted of grand theft for paying his office staff with state money while he worked on his re-election campaign" but is still in office has introduced a bill that would allow schools to suspend students for up to 10 days for showing their underwear. The bill is called "Pull Up Your Britches." The link contains video.
3. A British documentary on the "telly," called "Human Footprint," makes a remarkable claim: "The average person will eat over 10,000 bars of chocolate, shed 121 pints of tears and have sex more than 4,200 times" over a lifetime. The article at the link is accompanied by a chart stating how much or how many in a lifetime for a whole variety of things.
Particularly relevant to Pillage Idiot is this: "35,815 litres of wind passed." This figure might make sense to me if I knew how many inches there are in a litre.
And if you believe all of these figures, that means you had better get going if you want to have sex 4,239 times in your lifetime, which coincidentally is the exactly the same number of rolls of toilet paper you'll use. Unless, of course, you're Sheryl Crow.
4. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi speak to the press, and Harry puts his hand on Nancy's shoulder. Nancy pretends she doesn't mind. But she's faking it.
(1-3 via Fark, 4 via Hot Air)
UPDATE: 5. Ace updates a post from HuffPo about how to tell if your husband is gay. My answer: "Are you a man? If so, your husband is gay. So are you."
March 21, 2007
A Night NOT at the Opera
You just have to love a story that elicits this headline: "Opera star wins 'underwear throwing' case." I'm not making that headline up. Here's the first paragraph of the story:
SYDNEY (Reuters) - New Zealand opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who refused to perform with an Australian singer because his female fans threw underwear at him, on Wednesday won a lawsuit against her for pulling out of the concert.As an Associated Press article explains:
The trial made headlines when the 63-year-old soprano testified she watched a Farnham concert DVD and was disturbed by what she saw.For the answer to that last question, watch this movie.
“I was concerned about the knickers or underpants ... being thrown at him and him collecting it and ... holding it in his hands as some sort of trophy,” said the singer, whose international performances included the 1981 wedding of Britain's Prince Charles and Diana Spencer.
“How could I, in my classical form, perform in this way?” she told the court in February.
The decision was not a total victory for the defendants, however. According to the BBC, the judge held that there was no contract but that the company that employed the opera singer had failed to inform the concert promoter that the singer was wavering. The judge awarded damages for the costs incurred by the promoter.
Bonus: I never thought I'd write something that would call for the two labels below.
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