Traveling in pairs

One of the benefits of getting a ride home from the Metro earlier this week, instead of driving, as I usually do, is that I got to look around at what's happening around me. Sure, it's only Rockville Pike, a particularly hideous six-lane road that goes through Rockville, but still, it lets you can catch up on who's no longer in business, who's starting up, and so on.

You'll be happy to know that there's a new Hooters starting up along the Pike. But strangely enough, it's located only about a block south and across the street from the existing Hooters. To give you an idea of how close they are, here's a fragment of the map. The arrow represents the existing location (actually, the restaurant is set back from the road), and the X that I drew on the map represents the new location.


I forced myself to visit the Hooters website, and there's no indication that a second location exists in Rockville. Which I find puzzling.

In any event, you have to wonder about the strategy of locating two restaurants so close to each other. Unless the original site is closing and moving to the new site, this looks a lot like the Starbucks strategy, which is called "infill," defined thus: "adding stores in cities where its mermaid logo is already commonplace. In some cases, that means putting a Starbucks within a block of an existing store, if not closer."

Now, let your entrepreneurial imagination warm up for a minute. If you're thinking Starbucks and Hooters combined -- you know, coffee delivered by women in skimpy clothing -- forget about it. It's been done. It's called Cowgirls Espresso in Seattle. Go ahead. Click the link. It's to me, and I have the photo there.

So after all this, we're left to ponder two Hooters locations within, maybe, 200 yards of each other.

I think, though, that I have the answer. Remember the Woody Allen movie called "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex *But Were Afraid To Ask"? There's a sketch in the movie in which Woody is pursued by a giant breast, which is trapped in . . . you got it, a giant brassiere. (Fragment here.) After it's trapped, he says he's still worried, because "these things usually travel in pairs."

Just like Hooters.

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Wednesday linkfest

This is the place where I drop links that I've been collecting but haven't had time to write about while I've been trying to figure out my mother's taxes.

1. From the distaff side of the moronosphere, S.Weasel has a delightful tribute to Charlton Heston. Well, to his buttocks, anyway.

2. Speaking of the moronosphere, check doubleplusundead regularly for his daily roundups, called "around the moronosphere in 80 iq points." I think the Moron-in-Chief was responsible for that name.

3. Since it's tax time, I'd like to bring you this: "Woman Apologizes for Pitbull Attack on IRS Employee." (via TaxProf Blog)

4. Here's the barbecue guy who loves the NoKos. The FBI already knows about him, thanks to his dad. Really. Will there be a place for him as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration? And this: A coincidence?

5. Will you be more in love with your wife if she learns to play poker? This article says you will. It sounds totally asinine to me, because you play poker precisely to be alone with the boys, but there are some other tips for women that sound a little better than that.

6. If you live in Minnesota, your tax dollars are funding what may be a madrassa.

7. Ace writes about a post by a user at Obama's site attacking the Jews. A commenter finds the cached link after the post is taken down.

8. From the Department of Old: "Woman's Lawsuit Claims Bra Injured Her / Victoria's Secret Denies Claims." (via Ace's headlines last week)

9. From the Department of Not So New: Starbucks won't let you customize your card with "Laissez Faire" but will let you use "People Not Profits"? (via Volokh)

10. Child "maths" genius-ette becomes a call girl (with probably NSFW photo) (via Fark)

11. Get your ice cold Mets motivational poster, courtesy of Baseball Crank. Not that I've already given up on them -- that'll take another few days like yesterday.

Click here to read more . . .

Coffee au naturel

When I saw this headline -- "Marlborough man orders his coffee in the nude" -- I naturally figured this guy had wandered into Starbucks. Without his shirt and jeans.




It's a strange image, really, because a tough he-man like that doesn't belong in Starbucks even with his clothes on.

Starbucks doesn't allow smoking.

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Visitor of the day -- 3/3

Now I can see what our next generation of underqualified presidential candidates from brand-name universities is up to: scientific research. Would you like some, er, froth on your espresso?

Click here to read more . . .

Wednesday linkfest

I've been pretty busy, so the best I can do for you is another linkfest. I would apologize, but that would presume there's anyone actually reading this to whom I can express my regrets.

That said now, let me catch you up on some interesting articles. There are a bunch of unrelated topics here, so stay with me until the end.

1. The science is settled, but the facts are apparently unaware what the science is. "All four major global temperature tracking outlets (Hadley, NASA's GISS, UAH, RSS) have released updated data. All show that over the past year, global temperatures have dropped precipitously." Supposedly, the one-year temperature drop has nearly wiped out the past century of temperature increase. Look, I'm not a scientist; I don't even play one on TV. And maybe this is a temporary drop in a long-term rise. At the very least, though, it tells us we shouldn't be as certain as we seem to be.

2. If the fourteen Starbuckses on your block were all closed at the same time last night, that was deliberate. Memo to Starbucks: The word "re-education" has some horrible connotations. And it wasn't a coincidence that a billion newspapers used the term; check this from Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. In case you missed the three-hour closing yesterday, I hope these two old posts will make up for it: Mr. Smith goes to Starbucks (photo comic); O.J. Simpson goes to Starbucks.

3. An article (via MetsBlog) discusses great brawls in Mets history, including my all-time favorite, a duel between Ray Knight of the Mets and Eric Davis of Cincinnati in 1986. There were so many ejections that when the game went deep into extra innings, the Mets had to use one of their relief pitchers in the outfield -- well, actually, two of them. Relievers Jesse Orosco (a lefty) and Roger McDowell (a righty) alternated on the mound, depending on whether the batter was righty or lefty. The pitcher who wasn't on the mound would then take his position in the outfield, in the position opposite from the batter's side, to reduce the chances he'd somehow have to field a ball that was hit out there. So Orosco and McDowell kept trotting back and forth from the mound to the outfield. It doesn't get any better than that. (Note: The article says that Cinci manager Pete Rose "furiously tried to find a rule that prevented the Mets from rotating pitchers, to no avail. The Mets won the five-hour, 14-inning marathon on a three-run Howard Johnson bomb.")

4. Scary toilet alert: "Don't Sit on That Toilet!" (via BOTWT) "An employee of an Auburn nursing home called firefighters for help on Tuesday because the toilets were exploding with steam." A boiler explosion set off a sprinkler system, which led to flooding of the nursing home.

5. Always looking for ways to support this country, Hollywood has developed (with the able help of the ACLU) the orange ribbon and wristband, to protest our treatment of Al Qaeda detainees at Guantanamo. See this, too. (both via HotAir) And if that were not enough, we get the "Torture Playlist" of music allegedly used by the military "to induce sleep deprivation, 'prolong capture shock,' disorient detainees during interrogations—and also drown out screams." (via BOTWT) I'm sure I'd confess to anything if I had to listen to that dreck.

6. While Hollywood is blaming us for detaining Al Qaeda members and fellow travelers, the British are showing us what happens when you follow Hollywood's advice: "Terror trial exposes network of terror camps in picturesque rural England." (via LGF) The trial described in this article "exposed a network of alleged British terrorism training camps with a serious intent to prepare recruits for mass murder."

Click here to read more . . .

Visitors of the day -- 11/13

Today, we have two visitors of the day.

I wonder what this person thought about the "Mr. Smith goes to Starbucks" post that turned up in the search.




And I've had many visitors looking for ways to get out of jury service, but this is the first time someone's tried a search from the courthouse. Must be one heck of a trial coming up.

Click here to read more . . .

O.J. Simpson goes to Starbucks

Starbucks barista: Good morning, sir. What can I get for you today?

O.J. Simpson: Get me French roast, or else you be toast.

Starbucks barista: OK, sir, what size French roast would you like?

O.J. Simpson: Just gimme what I said, or you gonna taste lead.

Starbucks barista: Will that be all, sir?

O.J. Simpson: If that coffee ain't hot, you gonna get shot.

Starbucks barista: Would you like room for cream, sir?

O.J. Simpson: If you don't fill, I'm gonna kill.

Starbucks barista: That'll be $1.94, sir.

O.J. Simpson: If this happened in L.A., you'd be dead yesterday.

Starbucks barista: Is this a robbery, sir?

O.J. Simpson: I'm O.J. Simpson. How am I going to think that I'm going to rob somebody and get away with it? You've got to understand, this ain't somebody going to steal somebody's drugs or something like that. This is somebody going to get his private s--- back. That's it. That's not robbery.

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"I'll have a double espresso with skim and cleavage"

It's hard to believe it's taken so long for the Hooters approach to take over Seattle coffee shops.

The naughty baristas of Cowgirls Espresso represent a new trend in and around Seattle — perhaps the most caffeinated city in America — and illustrate how cutthroat the competition can be in the hometown of Starbucks, which has multiple coffee shops competing on the same block.

Among the other coffee stands that are showing some skin: Moka Girls in Auburn, The Sweet Spot Cafe in Shoreline, Bikini Espresso in Renton and Natte Latte in Port Orchard.

One recent afternoon, there was a long line of cars at the tiny, black-and-white, cow-painted Cowgirls stand in front of a Tukwila casino.

Candice Law, leaning provocatively out the drive-through window in a black bra that didn't quite cover her shiny purple pasties, and Toni Morgan, wearing a skimpy halter top, see-through red lace panties and chaps, seemed to know every customer.

Go ahead, click through. There's a photo. I know that's why you're here. And, amusingly, there's a place under the photo where it says "Enlarge."

So I did, and here it is:


In case you were wondering about the law, the article advises: "As long as the employees' breasts and buttocks are covered, they aren't breaking the law. And the owners of the stands say they get few complaints." I'll bet they do.

Now, let me be the first to say that this just wouldn't work for me. Half the time, when I go out for coffee, I'm with my wife. The other half of the time, I'm actually trying to work.

Which, really, is quite OK with me. There's something just a little weird about the whole thing.

And the real problem is what this does to the market.

Coffee-stand owner John Cambroto couldn't compete against the bikini-clad women selling espresso up the road.

"We had a much better atmosphere, good coffee. Unfortunately, they ran around half-naked and we didn't," said Cambroto, who finally threw in the towel last spring and sold his business to his rival, the operator of six Cowgirls Espresso stands in the Seattle suburbs.

I guess that's life in a capitalist society. After all, at some point Cowgirls is going to have to throw in the towel itself, only it probably will just throw in the bikini.

And that may well be the best time to grab an espresso.

Click here to read more . . .