Bloomsday

Today is 104 years from the original Bloomsday, the day on which Joyce's Ulysses occurs. In celebration, I've decided to quote the book here. Out of nearly 800 pages, one has many, many choices, but I think I have the one right here.

In the chapter that takes place at the National Library in Dublin, where the characters are discussing or debating Shakespeare, Buck Mulligan offers this spoof of a poem by Yeats:

I hardly hear the purlieu cry
Or a Tommy talk as I pass one by
Before my thoughts begin to run
On F. M'Curdy Atkinson,
The same that had the wooden leg
And that filibustering filibeg
That never dared to slake his drouth,
Magee that had the chinless mouth.
Being afraid to marry on earth
They masturbated for all they were worth.

If you think that I suddenly became immature in my middle age, let me assure you it isn't so. When I was in college, I took a couple of years of music theory courses. One year, for our final exam project, I set Buck Mulligan's poem above to music. When the professor invited us to his house the following week, he told us he wanted us to perform our pieces. So I had the pleasure of singing my song with these lyrics for the class. And just to make it more pungent, the song called for a repeat of the last couplet for emphasis.

Click here to read more . . .

The Pillage Idiot novel

I'm the kind of guy who has a cell phone but doesn't use it very much. And I've never -- repeat, never -- sent a text message.

The Japanese, on the other hand, appear to be inseparable from their cell phones. And they're now writing "novels" on them. I put the word "novels" in "scare quotes," because some Japanese, by which I mean the ones with any dignity, think there's something just a little wrong about the concept of a cell phone novel, which they fear will "hasten the decline of Japanese literature."

Now, as someone who does the very serious writing you find at Pillage Idiot, I can sympathize. And I want you to have my assurance that nothing at Pillage Idiot is likely to hasten the decline of Japanese literature.

Even my novel, which I'm going to outline here:

Our protagonist is a brilliant government lawyer who is, of course, also extremely good looking, as is his wife, in case she reads this. He decides to write his serious thoughts on serious topics unrelated to his day job. But he soon discovers that the world isn't interested in his serious thoughts. So he turns to flatulence and mutilated male members. Bill and Hillary make fairly regular appearances. As does Ron Paul's cocker spaniel. There's lots of sex, for reasons I can't fully understand, and there's even a side bit about sexlessness in Japan, which may or may not have anything to do with the Japanese attachment to cell phones.

Our protagonist spends a lot of time sending useless zeroes and ones into the ether and meets his condign punishment. He's forced to atone by writing a novel on his cell phone.

Publisher?

Click here to read more . . .

Wednesday mini-linkfest

[Ed.: Technically, it was a late Tuesday mini-linkfest, not Wednesday. Sue me.]

1. True headline of the day: "Author protests ban over phrase 'generous bazoongas'" (via Fark)

2. Our newest cause for which to raise massive sums of research dollars: "The cause of vulvodynia is unknown. This is partly because there has been a lack of research on the disorder in recent years." (via HotAir, where a commenter posts this video link. Subject-matter content warning, as if the initial link could be justified in the name of Science.)

3. Runner-up true headline of the day: "China recycling used condoms as cheap hair bands" (via Fark)

4. A classic example of the "Nanny State" -- at least where the nanny is dressed in a black leather halter with studs, spiked heels, and a riding crop: "Norway's largest erotic chain store was forced to change the labelling on products such as penis pasta, candy cuffs and chocolate bodypainting, to comply with Norwegian food regulations." (Need I say: also via Fark)

5. Finally, in the category of "Things We Wish We Had Said But If We Had Actually Said Them We'd Wish We Hadn't," Tim Page, the classical music reporter for the Post, responded thus to a blast email press release from an aide to Marion "Bitch Set Me Up" Barry: "Must we hear about it every time this crack addict attempts to rehabilitate himself with some new -- and typically half-witted -- political grandstanding? I'd be grateful if you would take me off your mailing list. I cannot think of anything the useless Marion Barry could do that would interest me in the slightest, up to and including overdose."

Click here to read more . . .