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November 10, 2005

Yet another white meat

If you've ever been sitting around on a Sunday afternoon wondering what to have for dinner, and you're sick and tired of chicken, have you ever said to yourself, "You know, what I'd really like to chow down on is a nice leg?" By which you mean a nice human leg? We know that some people have said this to themselves, so we can be pretty sure there's a market for it.

So what do you do? Do you walk into your supermarket and tell the guy behind the meat counter that you want some of that other white meat, and when he says "Pork?" you say, "No I meant the other other white meat: human"? No, you don't, because the man is holding a butcher's cleaver.

What you do is, you go back home, boot up your computer, and go online to order some Hufu(TM), a human flesh tofu-based substitute. Those of you who have been around here from the beginning may remember that I came up with the idea of tofu-based duck (for infantile reasons explained here), but this one is a topper. (Thanks to Jonah Goldberg for the pointer.)

The FAQs for Hufu are worth reading, especially this discussion of the name:

Where did you get the name HufuTM?
The original concept name was "hofu," a combination of human and tofu. However, one of our business associates was describing the product with a friend on a Eurostar train going from London to Paris. Milla Jovovich, the actress and super-model, overheard the conversation and intrigued, turned around to join in the conversation, and commented, "Hofu" sounds like [the male organ] -- you should call it "hufu." We thought her insight was highly original and insightful, and we thought HufuTM definitely had a better ring to it.
I'm not quite sure which male organ "Hofu" sounds like, most certainly not the male organ many of us are thinking of. Maybe Milla Jovovich (whom, I admit, I had never heard of before) is familiar with another type of male organ. Or perhaps something was lost in translation from the Ukrainian.

Apparently, the latter. An article here about Mark Nuckols, the founder of Hufu (TM), provides this explanation:
He also claims that the name "hufu" was actually coined by actress and model Milla Jovovich. Several years ago, a business associate was discussing Nuckols' idea, then called "hofu," with a friend on a Eurostar train going from London to Paris. Jovovich, intrigued, allegedly turned around to join in the conversation, commenting, "'Hofu' sounds like 'c*ck' -- you should call it 'hufu.'"

"As far as I can speculate, she meant 'ho food,'" Nuckols said. "She's a supermodel -- she doesn't have to make sense."

Jovovich's publicist has not replied to inquiries from The Dartmouth
Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out. Or not.

Finally, the question I'm sure everyone now wants the answer to: Is it kosher? Well, you know that real human flesh isn't kosher. People don't have cloven hooves and chew their cud -- well, at least they don't outside of a few well known left-wingers in the blogosphere. But is this vegan variant produced under rabbinical certification? As of last May, the answer, sadly for those who care, is no (scroll down at that link):
5/23/2005 3:51:41 AM - "Kosher Hufu?"

Shalom, Your product is intriguing, but is it kosher? Kol tuv, Reb Moishe
- Reb Moishe Kahanne Ba'al

HUFU, LLC responds:
We are not yet certified Kosher, but we're working on it. Mazel tov!
I hope certification won't depend on whether the "male organ" is circumcised.

UPDATE: I didn't notice that there were further posts at the Corner on Hufu (TM). Here's the best one. And Cliff May has just suggested an advertising slogan based on "the other, other white meat." I wouldn't assume he's read my post above. It's really pretty obvious.