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January 04, 2005

Double talk

You would think that I could blog for a whole three months without discussing a man who speaks fluent French from his buttocks, but you would be wrong.

Thanks to the Scrapbook column in the current (but not so newly released) issue of the Weekly Standard, I have learned of an article in the Weekly World News, a frequent source for "Sixty Minutes." The article (WARNING: link contains photo with partial view of the "moon") describes a Detroit man who suddenly discovered that he can speak French out his tuchis. An expert in "Intestinal Linguistic Amplification" or ILA is quoted as distinguishing this "Type II" ILA (dual language) from the more common "Type I" or single language. The Detroit man has become a successful furniture salesman in a store that caters to French-speaking Canadians.

This article, or I should say the whole phenomenon of speaking French through one's derriere, raises some troubling questions, among which are:

  • Can he sing "La Vie en Rose"?
  • Is it possible to avoid puerile jokes about cheese?
  • Or about Pepe Le Pew?
  • What happens if his tailpipe decides to surrender?
  • Last, has anyone seen John Kerry around lately?