As I've said on many occasions, one of the benefits of having a low-traffic site is that, if you feel like it, you can check out a lot of the visitors as they come by.
Today, a visitor operating from a Baltimore-based personal injury law firm called Ingerman & Horwitz LLP came here searching on Google for "severed penis found on street in Baltimore."
Of course, all Marylanders know about "patriotic gore/That flecked the streets of Baltimore," but somehow the writer of our horrendous state song seems to have left out the part about the severed penis.
Occasionally, when a visitor arrives through an odd search, I'll check to see what else turned up in that search. So when I checked this particular search on Google, I was surprised to find that, at the top of the page, Google had a link to a map of "severed penis found on street in Baltimore, MD." Intrigued, I expanded the map and discovered, by asking for directions to what appeared to be the nearest interesection, that the "severed penis found on street in Baltimore, MD" was located 71 feet from the corner of North Calvert and East Fayette Streets.
So if any of my readers should happen to find themselves near that intersection in Baltimore and should discover a severed penis, please notify the appropriate authorities. (Namely, the personal injury law firm of Ingerman & Horwitz LLP.)
August 31, 2006
Found on the street in Baltimore
Baseball in Israel
Last year, when we were in Israel, my wife's cousin told us that there's baseball there but that the "Anglos" are pretty much the only participants.
This article by Jerry Crasnick over at ESPN suggests that maybe things will change when the Israel Baseball League opens its season next June. (hat tip: "Harold Clark")
And you don't even have to be Jewish to play.
The league's commissioner, Daniel Kurtzer, the former U.S. ambassador to Israel and later Egypt (or was it the other way around?), says this about baseball: "Baseball is a hard game to learn, but it's not unlike studying Talmud. It's very complicated, but once you get it, it's interesting. You have a lot of statistics you can follow, and you can spend hours discussing it."
If Cynthia McKinney, and not Kyra Phillips, had been heard over the mic in the bathroom
Unidentified woman: [unintelligible] ASSHOLES!
Cynthia McKinney: Sheeeyit, yeah, the Jews!
Unidentified woman: [unintelligible] campaign contributions.
Cynthia McKinney: Damn Jews, pourin' that money in from New York for that man Hank. No brotha's gonna get that kinda gelt himself.
Unidentified woman: Gotta find the right kinda brotha, right?
Cynthia McKinney: Damn, yeah. Like my brother.
Unidentified woman: But your brother [unintelligible].
Cynthia McKinney: Yeah, my brother's protective. And my dad. But my cousin, I gotta protect him. He's married, three kids, but his wife's a Jew.
Voice: Cynthia?
Cynthia McKinney: Yeah, sister?
Voice: Your mic is on. Turn it off. It's on the air.
Cynthia McKinney: You f---in' with me, girl?
Voice: You're on the air, Cynthia.
Cynthia McKinney: F---in' Jews, always settin' me up.
(With apologies to Jeff Goldstein, who does these things much better.)
NOTE: Video here, transcript here.
UPDATE: Hot Air now has video from Letterman with Kyra Phillips giving her Top Ten excuses for the glitch. Number 5 is precariously close to the McKinney punchline. Kyra: "I was set up by those bastards at Fox News."
August 29, 2006
Linkfest
Still lazy hard at work on other things.
Here's my somewhat eclectic linkfest:
1. Mary Katharine Ham reviews the bidding on why people don't trust the media. (via Instapundit.) [UPDATE: Link fixed.]
2. Real headline: "Delta uses Attila to reduce fuel costs." Fill in your joke here. No flatulence humor permitted.
3. Bryan at Hot Air posts video from CNN in which Kyra Phillips's bathroom chatter is broadcast on top of Bush's speech. I couldn't catch everything she said, but I suspect it would have been worse if it had been Anderson Cooper. [UPDATE: An update at Hot Air now links to a transcript of the bathroom conversation. As a friend notes, this will make future family get-togethers a little uncomfortable.] [UPDATE: Suppose Cynthia McKinney, and not Kyra Phillips, had been overheard in the bathroom.]
4. Matt Cerrone at Metsblog writes about a proposal to name the Mets' new stadium after Jackie Robinson, and half a gazillion commenters go nuts.
5. In the Washington Post, Dana Milbank writes about an event at which the dynamic duo of John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt, of "The Israel Lobby" fame, spoke before an organization that, of course, never would try to advocate for a cause. In this case the cause (terrorism and terrorism fellow-traveling) is actually antithetical to American interests.
6. A new member of the group at Kesher Talk defends KinkyJews, which had been the subject of some jokes by other bloggers at KT. His defense, though serious, is misguided. The comments toss about references to Jewish p*rn stars, and someone feels the need to try to elevate the discussion. Would you believe it's me? I make the Jewish case for sexuality within marriage as a means of making a morally neutral act holy. ("You shall be holy, for I, the Lord, your God, am holy.")
7. A writer at Slate explains her issues with Conservative Judaism. (via The Volokh Conspiracy) I have some of the same issues, but the article is not entirely satisfying, and it makes a couple of mistakes and oversimplifications. Still, since I've been unwilling to write my own, I link it now.
8. Maryland blogger David Wissing of The Hedgehog Report (who, for some inexplicable reason, is not a member of the Maryland Blogger Alliance) lists some searches that led people to his site. Like "toilets flushing the wrong direction" and my favorite, "pulchritude possesses soley cutaneous profundity." I can identify. (hat tip: Soccer Dad)
August 28, 2006
Because I'm lazy
I mean, because I'm very busy with important things, I'm going to link someone else's funny.
John at Wuzzadem interviews people at a Berkeley political rally to see what they think of the upcoming fifth anniversary of September 11. The results are as expected, only funnier.
August 27, 2006
Reconsidering 20th-century music
Tim Page has a "Top 25" list in the Arts section of the WaPo. The Top 25 works of 20th-century "classical" music.
Back a couple of years, when some literary types voted on the top 100 novels, everyone laughed at them. "Ha, ha! You voted for Joyce's Ulysses because you want to make us feel guilty if we've never read it." (I actually have, even though I have a fairly superficial understanding of it.) I got the same feeling about some of the compositions listed in Page's list. There's sort of a castor-oil quality about some of the recommendations. For example, here is his tribute to Alvin Lucier's "I am Sitting in a Room":
Alvin LucierOK, you got that? He recorded a speech, then re-recorded and re-recorded it over and over again and played each new version in his recording one after the other. Wow! Too bad the NEA wasn't around to give him a grant when this was written.
"I Am Sitting in a Room." (Alvin Lucier, performer. Lovely Music.)
After 10 minutes, you'll probably hate this piece, but by the time it reaches the half-hour mark, I'll bet you are fascinated. The idea behind "I Am Sitting in a Room" is very simple, rather akin to making a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy with the inevitable fuzzy dissolution of the original image. What Lucier (born 1931) did was to take a tape recording of a brief speech, play it into another tape recorder, then take that tape and play it into another recorder, and so on, until all language was filtered away and what was left was a mercurial patina of sonic residue -- the "ghost" of the speech, if you will. It may sound arty and pretentious, but it couldn't be more lovely, especially as the distortion moves in to stay. Words become music, sound becomes shimmer and a natural process of acoustics is demonstrated in the most elegant and strangely beautiful fashion.
Page also lists Carmina Burana, which I think I dislike more each time I hear it. And it's hard for me to get around Orff's Nazi sympathies.
I don't mean to be too hard on Page, who certainly comes up with some good ones -- Strauss's Elektra, Berg's Lulu, Bartok's Concerto for Orchestra, Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, for example.
So I will take the bait and offer my own mini-list. These are not my Top 25, or Top Anything, but they are all wonderful to listen to.
Stravinsky's Rite of Spring is one I can't recommend enough. It's arguably the greatest composition of the century.
Leonard Bernstein's Overture to Candide. (The rest of Candide is spotty. Some of the songs are absolutely brilliant, while others are deservedly unknown.)
While we're on Berstein, don't miss his Chichester Psalms. Make sure to get a recording with full orchestra and boy soprano.
Shostakovich's Piano Trio Op. 67. I must have listened to this over 30 times.
Poulenc's Flute Sonata. About as fine an examplar of 20th-century French music as there is.
Ravel's String Quartet. Usually coupled with Debussy's late-19th-century string quartet, which unfortunately doesn't qualify for my list. Some of Ravel's music really does nothing for me, but this quartet is a winner.
Alban Berg's Violin Concerto. One of the most hauntingly beautiful serial compositions. The last movement integrates a Bach chorale into the tone row.
Arnold Schoenberg String Quartet No. 2. This quartet, which features a soprano in the last two movements, dates from just before Schoenberg formalized his twelve-tone method.
I may have forgotten a few of my favorites, which I'll add in updates if I think of them.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.
UPDATE: My wife says I need to include Prokofiev, so I'll go with Symphony No. 5. And I'll add Faure's Piano Trio. I'm told his requiem is wonderful, but I confess I'm not familiar with it.
UPDATE: I can't believe I forgot Mahler's Ninth Symphony.
August 25, 2006
For your viewing pleasure
Jeff Goldstein does the "Citizen Journalist Report" at Hot Air's "Vent." Soliciting signatures for "anti-Zionist" petitions from the left and the right. Good fun.
The women in the comments section are ga-ga. Almost as much as the men over the two women who did the "Vent" earlier this week.
August 24, 2006
It's "frat" spelled sideways
Remember this chick?
I do.
Which is why I'm going to have to avoid discussing this at any length. I will, however, quote for you the original note in U.S. News by Paul Bedard:
Animal House in the West Wing
He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that.
Beyond this, you'll just have to read the expanded version in Capitol Hill Blue. And if you want the flatulence jokes, try Margery Eagan's column in the Boston Herald.
And if you really, really can't get enough, try (cough, cough) Keith Olbermann, all 5:37 worth of video, including an interview with Mo Rocca. (I personally don't recommend the video, because it exceeds Code Red/Infantile on the Pillage Idiot Advisory System. There simply isn't a color for it.)
The next Ned Lamont?
When I did a photo comic last Sunday making fun of Ned Lamont, I expected to be pilloried, but the last thing I expected was to be emailed with a link to another blogger's post "The Next Ned Lamont Needs YOUR Support." It's a crass plug for a guy named Carl Sheeler, running for Senate from Rhode Island, who supports immediate withdrawal of our troops from Iraq, and wants to run "Impeach Bush" ads.
I think the next Ned Lamont may need his own personal photo comic. Or he would if anyone had ever heard of him.
Michael Steele's first two choices
Michael Steele, Maryland's lieutenant governor and now Republican candidate for U.S. Senate, is holding a fundraiser tonight, hosted by "hip-hop mogul" Russell Simmons.
I was a little surprised that Steele would have Russell Simmons involved with his campaign, but my sources tell me that Steele was unable to get his first two Simmonses:
August 23, 2006
He fisks the Post op-eds so we don't have to
This morning, I skimmed through an uproariously idiotic op-ed in WaPo by Saad Eddin Ibrahim, described at the foot of the piece as "an Egyptian democracy activist, professor of political sociology at the American University in Cairo, and chairman of the Ibn Khaldun Center for Development Studies."
The first thing I thought (and this is actually true) is, I wonder if Maryland Conservatarian is going to take a crack at this. So I'm pleased to report that, after about a two-week absence, he has indeed. His fisking may be found here: "Democracy Activism - Mid East style."
Dreaming of bag ladies
When I was younger, I lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, which was not terribly upscale, the way it is now, though it was probably even more humorously left-wing if possible. (We were represented in Congress by the late Ted Weiss, who was the 1 in a 400-1 vote in the House on a bill restricting child p*rn*graphy. "Serious civil liberties problems," a guy campaigning for him told me when I asked.)
The thing about the Upper West Side at the time was that it had a high BLQ. A BLQ, for those of you who are not insane like me, is a "bag lady quotient." I came up with this faux scientific formula to show what an earthy neighborhood I lived in. All you had to do was cross Broadway and count the bag ladies sitting on the benches in the park-let separating the uptown from the downtown lanes of the road and divide by the number of customers leaving H&H Bagels in a 90-second period.
I didn't realize at the time that a bag lady is some kind of Jungian archetype. (In my ignorance, I had assumed it was Freud who had the hots for bag ladies.) But now it turns out that huge numbers of women -- which we will define as people who participated in a survey conducted by an insurance company -- have a primal fear of becoming a bag lady:
Gladys Karhu used to put her pop cans aside so the woman who collected them in her St. Paul, Minn., neighborhood wouldn't have to pick them out of her garbage. Say the term "bag lady," and an image of that woman comes to Karhu's mind.I'm quite sure that this Allianz survey was fully as scientific as my BLQ formula. The women were asked some undisclosed question that led the questioners to conclude that the women had a "tremendous fear of becoming a bag lady."
A 76-year-old retired hospice nurse, Karhu and her husband have a small pension, Social Security and retirement funds. Nevertheless, Karhu wonders whether one day she'll need to pick up cans for cash. "Will the money we have put away last until we no longer need to worry about it?" she said.
She's not alone. Nearly half of women -- even the ones earning six figures -- fear becoming a bag lady. That's according to a new study about women and money released by Allianz Life Insurance Co., which has its North American headquarters in Golden Valley, Minn.
So I decided I would try to reproduce the results. I asked my wife and my teenaged daughter the following question: "Do you have a 'tremendous fear of becoming a bag lady'?"
Here are the results: 0% yes, 100% no. Or, to be more precise, my wife wouldn't answer the question but started telling me a story about the financial situation of a friend of hers. My daughter didn't answer the question, either, but she did laugh, which itself may be an important indicator.
I did consider asking my sisters and my female colleagues at work, but I have a tremendous fear of becoming a pain in the butt.
Almost an award
I've been considered for a blog award only once, and it was through self-nomination, which kind of takes the glory out of it. But I have to say that what has just happened is far better than finishing seventh out of 14 in the 2004 Weblog Awards for "dregs of the blogosphere" or whatever category we cellar-dwellers were in.
This is technically not an award, but The Hatemongers' Quarterly has just recommended Pillage Idiot, along with six others, in its annual list of "Darn Good 'Weblogs' Outside the Beaten Path."
The Hatemongers' Quarterly is a highly deserving "weblog" and has been on my blogroll since almost time immemorial. And since THQ must have appallingly bad taste if it thinks Pillage Idiot is "darn good," I'm sure you, dear readers, will love THQ. Please go there and say hi to "Chip."
Fark-oshop
A recent photoshop exercise at Fark.com: A birthday card for Bill Clinton's recent 60th birthday. (Warning: Extreme bad taste alert! But you already surmised as much, right?)
August 20, 2006
Ned Lamont kicks into high gear
Ned Lamont Joe Lieberman
For more photo comics, check the "Photo Comics" section of the sidebar.
August 18, 2006
Something to do with pricks
"Acupuncture May Help Women Get Pregnant," says WBAL-TV in Baltimore. (hat tip: Soccer Dad)
Add your own joke.*
_______________
*PC disclaimer: Yes, I know infertility is a serious problem, and no, I'm not making fun of it. I personally know couples who have struggled with infertility. But you can still make fun of a headline.
August 17, 2006
Screening faces
This article in the New York Times this morning is interesting and (assuming it was not intended to tip off the terrorists) possibly a good sign that screening techniques can move beyond the search-anyone-but-a-guy-who-looks-like-a-terrorist strategy now in place.
DULLES, Va., Aug. 16 — As the man approached the airport security checkpoint here on Wednesday, he kept picking up and putting down his backpack, touching his fingers to his chin, rubbing some object in his hands and finally reaching for his pack of cigarettes, even though smoking was not allowed.It's not perfect, by any means.
Two Transportation Security Administration officers stood nearby, nearly motionless and silent, gazing straight at him. Then, with a nod, they moved in, chatting briefly with the man, and then swiftly pulled him aside for an intense search.
Another airline passenger had just made the acquaintance of the transportation agency’s “behavior detection officers.”
Taking a page from Israeli airport security, the transportation agency has been experimenting with this new squad, whose members do not look for bombs, guns or knives. Instead, the assignment is to find anyone with evil intent.
So far, these specially trained officers are working in only about a dozen airports nationwide, including Dulles International Airport here outside Washington, and they represent just a tiny percentage of the transportation agency’s 43,000 screeners.
But after the reported liquid bomb plot in Britain, agency officials say they want to have hundreds of behavior detection officers trained by the end of next year and deployed at most of the nation’s biggest airports.
But Rafi Ron, the former director of security at Ben-Gurion International Airport in Tel Aviv, who was a consultant who helped train the officers at Logan Airport, said that the agency’s system, while a welcome improvement to airport security, was still flawed. Most importantly, he said, too few of the passengers pulled aside were more formally questioned as in the Israeli system, and when questioning was done, it was handled by local police officers who might not have had the necessary behavioral analysis skills.But it's a start. And oddly enough, the ACLU is not fond of it.
He cited the case of Richard Reid, known as the shoe bomber, who aroused suspicion when he arrived at Charles de Gaulle International Airport outside Paris, but was ultimately allowed to board after the police had questioned him.
“If you don’t do the interviews properly, you are missing what is probably the most important and powerful part of the procedure,” he said.
The technique has already produced at least one lawsuit, filed in Boston. The state police at Logan Airport there happened to pick out, based on behavior observations, the national coordinator of the American Civil Liberties Union’s Campaign Against Racial Profiling.But listen to the complaint about this program:
The coordinator, King Downing, who is black, had just left a flight when he stopped to make a phone call and noticed that a police officer was listening in, the lawsuit says. When the call ended, the officer demanded Mr. Downing’s identification, asking again as he approached a taxi and then telling him he would be “going downtown” unless he provided it. Mr. Downing was let go after he showed his identification, but the encounter led to the lawsuit.
“There is a significant prospect this security method is going to be applied in a discriminatory manner,” said John Reinstein, an A.C.L.U. lawyer handling Mr. Downing’s case. “It introduces into the screening system a number of highly subjective elements left to the discretion of the individual officer.”This is called professional experience, and it's an important tool of policing. What do they want? A computer program? They'd object to that, too.
Back from St. Louis
We just got in from St. Louis last night, so now I don't have an excuse for being blocked. Thank you to Soccer Dad for posting in my absence.
Here's a photo I took on Tuesday.
(Click for original.)
August 16, 2006
The predictable New York Times
Soccer Dad: Principles of the Times
Posted by Soccer Dad
One of the things that's amusingly predictable about the New York Times is that it will embrace the looniest leftist notions about law (or anything else for that matter.) When it came to the race for senate in New Jersey a few years ago, the editors of the Times approved of the state's high court ignoring the law to allow former Senator Frank Lautenberg to run in place of disgraced Senator Robert Torricelli. An editorial on October 3, 2002 applauded this violation of the law
New Jersey's Supreme Court made the right call yesterday when it ruled that the State Democratic Party could substitute Frank Lautenberg for the discredited Robert Torricelli as its candidate in November's election for the United States Senate. The ruling appears to clear the way for a vigorous if necessarily abbreviated campaign, thus giving New Jersey voters the choice they deserve.
What is equally predictable is that a "vigorous ... campaign" that the "voters ... deserve" is high sounding garbage.
What's equally predictable is that these high minded principles only apply if they are likely to produce the correct result.
Friday's editorial about the race for Tom Delay's seat contained this line
... the Republican Party’s attempt to replace him with a handpicked loyalist was rejected all the way to the Supreme Court.
Don't the people of Texas deserve a "vigorous campaign?" Or is the only sort of vigorous campaign that the citizens of our country deserve is the kind that will put a Democrat in office?
August 14, 2006
Blocked?
Well, fans, I'm here at a hotel in St. Louis at the public internet terminals in the lobby, and ya know what? Pillage Idiot is blocked by the content advisor. I'm considered "Adult/Mature, Intimate Apparel."
Now, I understand the intimate apparel designation, given a couple of recent posts about "bras that do tricks," which I can't link to (because I can't access the site) though you'll see them if you scroll down.
But what I don't understand is adult/mature. If you check out the Pillage Idiot Advisory System, you see that this blog should be rated "juvenile/immature."
Funny thing is, I've had no trouble reaching protein wisdom. Jeff, you're just not trying hard enough! Ace is blocked. I'm blocked. And you're not?
August 13, 2006
Mini-break
I'm headed out for three days to St. Louis on our annual ballpark trip. I've invited a couple of people to guest-blog here, but both were non-committal. So maybe there will be new posts here. And maybe there won't. That's the kind of interesting surprise you get so much of at Pillage Idiot. (If I were the kind of guy who took a laptop with him, I might "phone in" myself, but I'm relegated to whatever public internet access is available at our hotel.)
Do me a favor, though, and make sure nothing happens while I'm gone.
Meanwhile, all I have for you until I return, is a couple of photos of people protesting Pillage Idiot. These were originally part of a photo comic about John Kerry's energy policy, but the comic has been left on the cutting room floor.
August 09, 2006
Doctored photo of Lebanese woman?
I've found another oddity among the photos coming out of Lebanon. Remember the photos of the wailing Lebanese woman? Some have questioned whether these photos -- and the captions accompanying them -- are legit. (For details, see Riehl World View, Drinking from Home, and The Jawa Report.)
Here's one well known photo of her.
Well, I've found the original of this photo, I think.
Ha, ha! Only kidding. Here's the original of the photo.
Here are links to two previous doctored photos I've found.
Possibly related: LGF has a photo from a guy who's even worse with Photoshop than I am.
UPDATE: Allah thinks the photo at LGF isn't photoshopped: "I really hope I’m wrong with this latest debunking, though. Because now that it’s been on Drudge, if it turns out it’s not a photoshop, we’re going to look like the biggest bunch of cranks this side of a Loose Change convention."
August 08, 2006
Chestal pains
Somehow I appear to be the foremost authority on whether the U.S. Constitution allows a female president to show cleavage. (My discussion is here.)
So I figure it's my duty to bring you the following information: The Constitution does not require a public school to allow students to show cleavage.
"But, wait a minute!" you're thinking. "My daughter couldn't buy large enough blouses to cover her cleavage if she tried, though I'm quite sure she hasn't." Well, you're right. She hasn't tried. And you're also right that the way clothes are made these days, for a normal high school girl to find clothing nearly large enough to cover her chestal area, she would have to shop for plus sizes in the large ladies' section of the store.
All of this may be so, but in Arlington, Texas (registration required), high schools girls will just have to wear two blouses, because the school board has put the kibosh on cleavage.
ARLINGTON -- Few subjects are harder for school administrators to deal with than the student body — literally. In June, the word cleavage caused consternation for Arlington school board members grappling with a new dress code, which most students and parents will get their first look at during registration this week.It's a little tricky, this subject. But we can be thankful that the school board has come up with the four-inch rule. And no, you smart alecks, the rule applies to girls, not boys.
"I don’t know an easy way to put this," Trustee Gloria Peña said. "The cleavage line is getting further and further down [in teen fashion]. The only words I can think of are 'no cleavage.'"
Kennedale [school district], Wade said, has a 4-inch rule: "Four inches from the neck. But again, you are not going to have a male teacher with a ruler run up and measure 4 inches down."But here's the real problem. Some school professionals have trouble with the whole concept:
"If we see cleavage, which as I understand the common definition is the space between a young lady's breast, the're going to ask her to change," said Arlington Independent School District Superintendent Mac Bernd.This definition is bound to cause problems, because in Texas, most girls have two of them.
Now, I personally think a cleavage ban in high school is an excellent idea and I'd even be willing to have school uniforms (which would make the rules a lot easier). But one thing I can almost guarantee you, some enterprising shyster will bring a suit. Which would be a bad thing. After all, the book of Genesis says that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, which proves that wives may show cleavage, but not daughters.
UPDATE: Although Mrs. Attila doesn't generally read Pillage Idiot, I should emphasize the word "may" in my final sentence. Mrs. A prefers to dress relatively modestly.
Yet another doctored photograph?
I found the original of this photo of the Green Helmet Man.
For a serious treatment of the apparently staged filming at Qana, check out Riehl World View (via Hot Air).
Previous doctored photo.
UPDATE: A visitor from Reuters, from the trackback I left at Riehl World View.
UPDATE (8/9): The Lebanese wailing woman?
August 06, 2006
Another doctored photograph from Beirut?
You've probably read by now that Reuters has pulled back a photograph it published of Beirut, because the photograph was rather obviously photoshopped to show more smoke from an Israeli bombing run than actually was there. If not, you can follow the story at Little Green Footballs, Hot Air, The Jawa Report, Michelle Malkin, and a bunch of other blogs, many of which are linked at the ones I've listed. And here's the excuse from the photographer, from LGF: "'The photographer has denied deliberately attempting to manipulate the image, saying that he was trying to remove dust marks and that he made mistakes due to the bad lighting conditions he was working under,' said Moira Whittle, the head of public relations for Reuters."
Hey, I work in bad lighting conditions, too! I'm submitting the following photo to Reuters to show the damage from an Israeli bomb that hit a Hizbollah mosque south of Beirut. It's real. I swear!
UPDATE (8/7): Holy Moses! "Reuters withdrew all 920 photographs by a freelance Lebanese photographer from its database on Monday after an urgent review of his work showed he had altered two images from the conflict between Israel and the armed group Hizbollah." (via Free Republic)
UPDATE (8/8): I've discovered yet another doctored photo.
UPDATE (8/9): The Lebanese wailing woman?
Homage à Soccer Dad
(Or perhaps I should say, "Homage à Papa de Football Métrique.")
Here is a photo of one of the two crape myrtles outside the Pillage Idiot residence.
August 03, 2006
Winning friends and influencing people
Having dealt with some pro se prisoner litigants in my time, I can appreciate this: A prisoner files a notice of appeal from "the asshole [Judge] Ronald B. Leighton's decision in this matter."
The Legal Reader links to a PDF of the handwritten document, which also includes other dubious language, and to another case, which concerned a "Motion to Kiss My Ass."
(via The Volokh Conspiracy)
August 02, 2006
Loosening the straps
We were recently writing about a catalog that advertises, among other underwear wonders, "Bras that do tricks." No, we don't understand it, either. You'll have to read the post.
Today, via James Taranto, we learned of an article about family medicine that complements our post nicely: "CLOTHING: Loosen that bra strap to ease headaches." (second item)
I am totally not making this advice up. Here's the key portion:
Here's something to think about the next time you choose a bra to go under that cute summer outfit. Wearing a thin bra strap too tightly can lead to a nagging headache, according to doctors at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.The article also offers advice for what it tactfully describes as "[f]ull-busted women."
"The binding from the strap puts pressure on the trapezius muscle, which causes strain and knotting of the muscle and may cause headaches or pain that radiates down the arm," says Dr. Karen Kowalske, UT Southwestern's chairwoman of physical medicine and rehabilitation.
But, of course, the article reminds me of a joke I heard years ago. Which I'm compelled to relate now. (For a few other unrelated jokes, see here.)
A man suffers from terrible headaches. He tries every over-the-counter medicine he can find, to no avail. He still has terrible headaches. He goes to his doctor, and the doctor prescribes a stronger medicine, but it doesn't work. The man returns to his doctor and gets an even stronger prescription, which also doesn't work.
Finally, the man tries one more time. The doctor prescribes yet a stronger medicine and tells him: "I hope this works, because if it doesn't, there only one solution -- to castrate you."
The man runs off and tries the last medicine for a week and has no relief. He still suffers from those terrible headaches.
So he trudges back to the doctor and says: "It didn't work. You know what? Do the operation, but, you know, don't tell anyone."
The doctor does the operation, and the man is really, really depressed. The doctor tells him that it's often a good idea in these situations to go out and buy yourself something new, like a new wardrobe, to make yourself feel better.
The man figures that's a good idea, and he decides to buy himself a new wardrobe, custom made by a tailor. He goes to an old Jewish tailor who's been recommended to him and tells the tailor he wants a complete wardrobe.
The tailor eyes the man and says: "Eh, you vear a size toity-nine reg'lar suit jecket." The man is astonished at the tailor's ability to determine size without measuring him. The tailor continues: "You vear a size fifteen and a helf, toity-tree shoit, size toity-six, toity pents, size seven and a quarter het" and on and on.
Then, the tailor says: "End you vear size toity-six undaveh." At this, the man smiles and says: "Ah, you finally missed one. I wear size 34 underwear." The tailor insists: "No, you vear size toity-six undaveh." But the man repeats: "I wear size 34 underwear."
And now, the tailor is shouting: "No, no, no! If you vore size toity-four undaveh, you'd hev terrible headaches."
August 01, 2006
Mahmoud and Hassan settle their disagreement
I mentioned yesterday that I had written a photo comic with Nasrallah and Ahmedinejad that I had consigned to the circular file because the way things have been going in the war, it wasn't funny. It still isn't terribly funny, but maybe I'm just too discouraged and negative. A few others, I've noticed, don't seem to have trouble laughing through the tsuris.
So I've edited it and placed it in the extended entry for people who have the urge to look. Don't blame me if you click on the "Click here" link.
Hi, I'm Thomas Ellers. Did you know that Senator Feingold read from . . .
Shut up, Jew! That is, like, so totally not funny.
It is a searing social commentary on . . .
Enough!
You do not seem to appreciate my understanding of the American scene. You do not value my ability to spoon-feed the American media what we want them to see. You do not . . .
You do not seem to understand how thoroughly you f---ed up the timing of this battle.
Ah, but I have the Americans in the palm of my hand. Even that Zionist pig Bush is feeling the heat. I have their former President, a Nobel Peace Prize winner, spouting our views in national media. I have . . .
Jimmy F---ing Carter? I kicked his butt across the room when I was 17. No American gives half a crap what he says.
I have the most sympathetic American mother on my side attacking the Zionists. She is the one that the temptress Dowd said had absolute moral authority. She has organized a fast in support of our brethren in Iraq . . .
A fast? Fool! Do you permit coffee with ice cream during Ramadan? The Zionist pigs know she is a fraud. Only idiots support her, slobbering cretins who have convinced themselves that we are on their side.
CNN does our bidding. They film what we show them. They go where we lead them. They report what we tell them. In Qana, they lapped up our story of Zionist treachery without so much as questioning how the building collapsed eight hours after the Zionists hit it or how the bodies we dug up were stiff as a board a mere two hours after the collapse.
Jew monkey! Your dog and pony show has collapsed faster than the building. Had you no blood to pour on the bodies? Not even ketchup?
The nations of the West have rallied against the Zionists. Though we have suffered losses, if one -- but one -- of us remains, we have found glorious victory.
That one will not be you. In the name of Allah, prepare to meet your fate!
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