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Showing posts with label cultural diversity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cultural diversity. Show all posts

July 21, 2008

More like a "large"

If you were a normal kid, when someone told you that the dead look down upon us, you asked yourself whether they could see you in the bathroom. You wondered whether, when you were there doing number two, Grandpa was watching you.

Apparently, the answer is "yes," at least according to a "medium" (or possibly a "large") named Concetta Bertoldi.

Do dead people watch us shower? Does Grandma know I like to do that in bed?

Sure they can! And Grandma certainly does … They see us in the bathroom and they see us in the bedroom! But who cares? They’re dead! Who’re they gonna tell anything?
So now, you're thinking, "That totally misses the point!" And you're right. You don't care if Grandpa tells his buddies at the pool hall that you just did number two or even that you like to play a little pocket billiards yourself from time to time. You don't even care if Grandma tells her friends that you like to do that thing in bed. You just don't want them to see you doin' that stuff.

As Bill Cosby pointed out, that's why they put doors on bathrooms, so no one knows whether you're one-in' it or two-in' it in there.

I'll leave you with this:
What do the dead wear?

Nothing.
Just remember that. When Grandpa's watching you do number two, he's naked as a jay bird.

UPDATE (7/22): "Fortuneteller suing to overturn Montgomery ban on forecasting." They allow predictions of global warming, after all.

Click here to read more . . .

May 27, 2008

Put it on and keep it on

Underwear: Can't live with it, can't live without it.

"Employees counting donations at a popular Hindu shrine in southern India will no longer have to take off their underpants at work after the local human rights commission intervened."

"Officials say visitors to a southwest Ohio jail can't wear plunging necklines, Spandex or see-through garb. The Hamilton County jail said the new dress code also requires guests to wears shirts, shoes and underwear."

And in somewhat distantly related news, you know those unlicensed performance enhancement drugs you bought? Well, you should probably keep your underwear on.

And in even more distantly related news, here's another in our series of stories about the dangers of externomingent acts, this time the canine edition. Dog to lamp post: Take that! Lamp post to dog: Bzzzzzztt! (via Fark)

Click here to read more . . .

April 27, 2008

Sunday evening linkfest

Passover has (finally) ended, and now, once again, it's time for a linkfest of links that have been forming plaque on the walls of my intertubes for the past two weeks or so. Some of them are seriously OLD, but I want you to have them, anyway. Please stay with me till the end, because way at the bottom of this post, I have a couple of future classics from the Sunday New York Times that are almost worth the price of the paper.

1. In the past couple of weeks, the biggest issue in politics, in case you're a Japanese World War II fighter who's been holed up in the Pacific until yesterday, has been whether Obama flipped the bird at Hillary while speaking to his supporters following the final debate in Pennsylvania. The Hillarosphere demands to know. And Baseball Crank has another photo that may provide circumstantial evidence.

2. The Democrats' Nightmare Scenario (via Instapundit)

3. More popcorn, please!

4. McCain goes to NOLA, and an African-American participant at a town-hall meeting says this: "I want to inform you that everybody in the camp here is not a Republican." Does he mean (a) literally no one is a Republican, or (b) colloquially, not everyone is a Republican? Who cares, anyway, besides anal-retentive grammar wackos like me?

5. As Warner Wolf might have said, if you studied math in school since about 1961 . . . YOU LOST! On a related topic, Hillary Clinton does some math trolling for delegates and votes from Michigan.

6. Gov. O'Malley calls a special session of the legislature to pass a law declaring the official state dessert of Maryland. (Only kidding about the special session. Beats the hell out of raising our taxes, though.)

7. The man-cave: "Like most stories that end up with a man mowing his friend's lawn in a dress, it started out innocently enough." (via Fark, of course)

8. Sometimes it pays to test your personal machinery before reporting its theft by voodoo to police. As the police chief himself put it: "'I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke,' Oleko said.
'But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, "How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it",' he said."

9. Public Service Announcement: Be careful when eating in Canadian restaurants.

10. "Le Petit Singly is a farm that specializes in making cheese from women's breast milk." (via Ace)

11. This one's so old, it's already been overtaken by events. You remember the McLean school that banned tag in the schoolyard? Well, tag's back, but not before a week of "reorientation lessons on playground safety." I swear I'm not making that term up.

12. Patch (for women) aims to make you (not you, you) feel sexy. (via Ace)

13. Rick Monday saves the flag. In 1976. But now, there's a video.

14. American expat in Paris whines about the falling dollar. My heart bleeds.

15. False advertising from Moron Pundit: a very non-moronic defense of the tax deduction for child dependents.

16. Doubleplusundead on more misery with McCain. For me, if you want to know why McCain hasn't sealed the deal with conservatives -- I'm going to vote for him, anyway -- read George Will's column this morning. Two words: campaign finance.

17. The Children of Israel were enslaved in Egypt by a Pharaoh who took great pleasure in persecuting gays, who were brutally forced to arrange flowers for the Egyptians. Hence, the orange on the seder plate. Funny, I had always heard that it was supposed to represent Pharaoh's fear of the vagina.

18. And finally, the moment you've been waiting for -- the two classics from today's New York Times: (a) In the travel section: "In 2007, nude recreation represented a $440 million industry — up from $400 million in 2001 and $200 million in 1992." (b) In Sunday Styles: A family adjusts to the father's sex change -- "Through Sickness, Health and Sex Change."

Click here to read more . . .

April 03, 2008

Frontiers of plastic surgery

Everyone once in a while, a story emerges that contains the four basic food groups: plastic surgery, male member mutilation, an exotic foreign culture, and pizza. Sadly, however, this story contains only the first three.

I told Soccer Dad (who sent the story to me) that I wasn't going to use it, but I feel I owe a duty to mankind -- or what was at one point in its life mankind -- to spread the word, because obviously I have a wider circulation than Reuters, from which the story originates.

What I mean by "what was at one point in its life mankind" is this: If you're Thai, and were born with male organs, but you're a member of the so-called "third sex," you may well want what is delightfully referred to as "cosmetic castration," especially if you want to appear in the type of transvestite beauty pageant I wrote about nearly three years ago. But the fact that you want it doesn't mean the authorities want you to have it.

Thailand's health chiefs barred hospitals and clinics on Wednesday from castrating would-be "ladyboys" amid growing concern about the operation being seen as a cheap and quick alternative to a full sex-change.
If you don't know much about Thailand, consider this: If Britain is world famous for haute cuisine and dentistry, and France is famous for snails, white flags, and body odor, then surely Thailand must be famous for something. And it is.
The tolerance shown towards the "third sex," as it is often referred to, has led to the country becoming a world leader in sex-change surgery.
Way to go, Thailand! Aim for that gold medal!

The problem with a ban, of course, is that if castration is outlawed, only outlaws will be castrated. Especially because the ban is so hard to enforce. A senior official admitted that "policing the temporary ban might be difficult as cosmetic removal of the testicles was such a quick operation and easy to conduct in secret." Not to mention the inevitable black market in cosmetically removed testicles.

Which is why I'd also advise you not to eat in a Thai restaurant while you're visiting. Mm-mmm!

UPDATE (4/4): After feeling a little doubtful about this on reflection, I did a search this morning. If I'm being punked, then a lot of others are, too.

Click here to read more . . .

March 06, 2008

That's an actual job description?

Headline: "Breast fondler keeps his job."

His excuse: "He later blamed stress and 'cultural differences' for his conduct, which spanned three-and-a-half years between 2001 and 2004."

Click here to read more . . .

January 02, 2008

Do-it-yourself news story

Tonight, we're going to try to make a do-it-yourself news story.

1. Start out with a catchphrase for the story. Pick a short phrase that combines words that are funny and memorable together. Let's go with "flying bra." You can't get much better than that.

2. Next add a humorous premise for the story, like this: Some girl is in a car with three friends and decides to hoist her bra (we'll make it a red one, just for fun) up the car's antenna, and the wind lifts it off into the air. She claims she removed it because the family dog had chewed it earlier in the day and caused it to fray. But a witness says the girls were making gestures with their mouths and lifting their shirts at some men in the car behind.

3. Fold in an element that makes you not sure whether to laugh or feel awful: A couple of goobers in the car behind suddenly swerve to avoid hitting something that turns out to be a flying bra. They crash and are injured.

4. Bring in "the law": The girl who hoisted the bra is charged . . . with littering.

5. Tie it up with the obvious: Litigation ensues. And before long, after getting settlements from the girls in the car, the passenger in the car that crashed sues the driver, his buddy.

Voilà! Here's your headline: "Friend sues buddy over 'flying bra' crash of '06"

And, of course, you'll need a photo showing the two unfortunate guys, with the passenger-plaintiff wearing a teeshirt that reads "The 4 Stages of Tequila."

* * * * *
For more background, check out these stories: A story in the Toledo Blade at the time of the incident, and a long writeup from shortly afterwards in something called Sports Car Market, which includes a photo of the crashed car.

(Via Patterico and Iowahawk)

Click here to read more . . .

October 16, 2007

Grand larceny or petty theft?

In the latest survey conducted by the UN Commission on Fraudulent Schemes, a matter about which the UN is well versed, 87.9% of the GDP of Nigeria is attributable to fraudulent emails sent to the U.S. about a mysterious rich Uncle Mopo who died, leaving more than $25 million in a secret account.

This is why I found it quite surprising that there was any free time for a woman in Nigeria to steal her boyfriend's member. (via Fark)

That's his story, anyway. I suspect he simply misplaced it. I'd look in the change drawer, myself.

I have to tell you that I feel a little uncomfortable discussing this story at all, but I'm linking here it in order to respond to readers who have been hounding me with identical form emails written by the Democratic National Committee that read, "How come you've never written about stolen male organs? Do you 'HATE THE CHILDRENTM'?"

No, I don't hate the children. I just think that we have to address the problem of stolen members, preferably with a hugely expensive government program, or else we're not going to have any children in the future, and if we let that happen, we'd only be proving Mark Steyn right, which I know you don't want to do.

Anyway, back to the story. I've heard tales of Africans who suffered shrunken members after shaking hands with some mysterious person -- this article describes the situation well -- but it rarely is the victim's girlfriend.

An Abuja-based beer palour owner called Grace Igbian has been accused by her lover Kingsley Ulame of 'stealing' his sexual organ. They had been dating for an exteded period of time and they last stayed and slept together for 29 days before he travelled home to see his family in Benin, Edo State. But instead of enjoying his stay with his family, Ulame said he started having problems with his organ. He noticed that he could not have an erection. According to him, his organ stopped functioning and he was frightened that it may result to impotence.
You know what they say about the first time you can't do it twice and the second time you can't do it once. More seriously, this story raises a troubling question: Why did he need an erection when his was visiting his family? I'm frankly afraid to ask.

But this story gets grizzly pretty fast.

Ulame insisted that Igbian had at a point threatened him that he will never regain use of his organ unless he has intercourse with her again. * * * Ulame loudly accused her of stealing his manhood and started demanding for it and called his friends and brothers who pleaded with her to return. He resorted to beating her, eventually wounding her.
When Igbian reported this to the police, her situation got even worse.
According to her, the Divisional Police Officer (DPO) of Airport Division, Assistant Superintendent of Police, Peter Thazilza invited a herbalist called Haifa, a Fulani woman who thereafter claimed that Igbian had indeed stolen Ulame's organ. Subsequently, Igbian said she was forced to have sex with Ulame by the DPO in his office, because they wanted the man to 'regain his manhood'.
That's really, truly sick if you ask me.

I'm sorry to end here on a downer, but I suppose in some way that's appropriate.

(Previous: here, here, here, here, here, and here.)

Click here to read more . . .

September 05, 2007

The scapegoats

I guess this isn't so bad. It's not as if the pilots were doing it.

KATHMANDU (Reuters) - Officials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft, the carrier said Tuesday.

Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem.

The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, an official said.
(hat tip: fee simple) On the other hand, if this is the sole method of performing aircraft maintenance, you'll have to add Nepal to the list of countries I have no intention of visiting.

According to the BBC: "The offering was made to Akash Bhairab, the Hindu god of sky protection, whose symbol is seen on the company's planes." This really puts it in context. The symbol of the Hindu sky god is on the plane. Naturally, you'd try to fix the plane by sacrificing to that god, right? I mean, if TWA had had a picture of Carl Icahn on its jets, wouldn't the mechanics have sacrificed a couple of goats to him?

Unsurprisingly, the Post misses the point with the story, suggesting that "perhaps it's time the U.S. airline industry gave animal sacrifice a try. It certainly seems to make as much sense as taking off your shoes before going through the metal detector (and thank Richard Reid for not stashing the bomb in his underwear.)"

Of course, the Post writer is correct about the arbitrariness of airline security, but I have yet to see evidence that aircraft maintenance is arbitrary, which is why the Nepalese sacrificed the animals in the first place.

And we all know how many birds are sacrificed to jet engines each year. If only we could find a way to sacrifice Ingrid Newkirk instead.

Click here to read more . . .

August 14, 2007

Picking the right ethicist

To quote Dilbert, "90% of happiness is picking the right ethicist." So let's be happy by picking the right ethicist to roll our collective eyes over.

Why do people actually write to Randy Cohen, author of the "The Ethicist" column in the New York Times Sunday Magazine? Do they actually think he provides useful ethical advice? What about asking him questions that involve politics, or etiquette, or social advice, but not so much ethics?

And more important, why does he answer these letters as if they involved ethics?

As I've said before, when you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

This Sunday's column answers two questions. The first is written by a man whose wife's sister is recently separated after 15 years of marriage and is now living with a boyfriend. The sister invites the man and his wife to visit and stay overnight. The man doesn't like the idea of seeming to bless the relationship between the sister and this fellow, whom he derides as the sister's "cohabiter du jour." The wife, whose sister it is, says is it not for them to judge.

Before I discuss Cohen's response, I'd like someone to explain why this an ethics question. It's more an "Ann Landers" kind of social advice question. One may take a moral stand here, too, but it's hard to see the decision either way as one involving ethics.

If you've ever read Cohen's column, you'll know what the response is. Whenever anyone is troubled by what we old-fashioned folks think of as an illicit sexual relationship, Cohen shows off his superior, open-minded moral code: anything goes, except perhaps sex with a Republican. (For a wonderful TV anecdote on this subject, see the beginning of this article in the Weekly Standard.)

And he can't possibly miss an opportunity, in obiter dicta, to invoke the horrors of the Bush administration: "A principled refusal can be estimable in the public arena. For example, as a protest against the war in Iraq, the poet Sharon Olds declined an invitation from Laura Bush to attend the fifth National Book Festival and eat breakfast at the White House." In contrast, he says, a protest is typically not appropriate in private life, where understanding and tolerance are required.

The second letter to "The Ethicist" begins: "Two years ago, I lived in Singapore, and my apartment was robbed." OK, technically, his apartment was burglarized, not robbed, but let that pass. The writer discovers, upon returning to Singapore two years later that the robber/burglar was punished with 10 years in the clink and 10 strokes of the cane. "The sentence seems excessive and the caning barbaric." Mind you, this is the letter writer, not Randy Cohen saying this. I guess that's why he'd write to Cohen. "I want to appeal for mercy on his behalf, but must I accept Singaporean justice? When in Asia, do I do as the Asians do?"

Probably the correct answer is "Rob him again!" But that isn't Cohen's answer. The victim should speak up, he says, with proper sensitivity to local values.

That really would not be such a terrible answer, I suppose, if it were concluded there. But that is not the job of "The Ethicist." His job is to reaffirm continually that ethics and liberal pieties are one and the same.

So Cohen concludes thus: "Such appeals cut both ways. One hundred and fifty years ago, Europeans criticized America's slave-owning and, more recently, our treatment of prisoners. It can be instructive to have one's conduct examined from another perspective." Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo, anyone?

Of course, this totally undercuts his advice of showing sensitivity to local values. The victim could validly make an appeal in his specific case based on his own sense of appropriate punishment. But Cohen, having advised him thus, now seems to call for the victim to make a global attack on Singaporean justice.

Never mind this. The point of Cohen's column is not so much to guide behavior as to validate how rich, self-satisfied liberals think.

Click here to read more . . .

August 08, 2007

Your Wednesday linkest

1. An amazing column about anti-American propaganda, written by Ion Mihai Pacepa, "the highest-ranking intelligence official ever to have defected from the Soviet bloc," in yesterday's Wall Street Journal.

An excerpt:

During the Vietnam War we spread vitriolic stories around the world, pretending that America's presidents sent Genghis Khan-style barbarian soldiers to Vietnam who raped at random, taped electrical wires to human genitals, cut off limbs, blew up bodies and razed entire villages. Those weren't facts. They were our tales, but some seven million Americans ended up being convinced their own president, not communism, was the enemy. As Yuri Andropov, who conceived this dezinformatsiya war against the U.S., used to tell me, people are more willing to believe smut than holiness.
Of local interest, another excerpt:
Unfortunately, partisans today have taken a page from the old Soviet playbook. At the 2004 Democratic National Convention, for example, Bush critics continued our mud-slinging at America's commander in chief. One speaker, Martin O'Malley, now governor of Maryland, had earlier in the summer stated he was more worried about the actions of the Bush administration than about al Qaeda.
2. Huge story at HotAir about jihadis linking up with Mexican drug gangs to finance terror. For those of us who are moderately pro-immigration, national security is the big elephant sitting in the corner. Unless you close down the borders to stop these people first, you can't be generous about immigration for the law-abiding.

3. Out: Don't Ask, Don't Tell. In: Make 'Em All Gay. The best comment there is "Armed and fabulous?"

Click here to read more . . .

June 05, 2007

Linkfest

It's been a little while, but now it's time for a linkfest.

1. This one's been lazing around in my in-box for a few days, kind of like your dog, who sleeps about 23/7. Cafe Press has removed G-strings and tee shirts for dogs that had pictures of Buddha on them out of possible offense to the Thais, who are acting more and more like Muslims every day. The article notes that "items depicting Jesus and Shiva remained." What a surprise! (hat tip: fee simple) Image and video at this link.

And in case you were wondering, another article on the subject says that "Top underwear designer Victoria's Secret withdraw [sic] bikinis emblazoned with Buddha images after similar protests in 2004." First they came for Muhammed thongs, and I said nothing. Then they came for Buddha thongs. Well, you get the idea.

2. I've been wondering why I've been getting lots of hits lately based on searches for Hillary and plastic surgery. Now I know. (via Hot Air)

3. In case that link isn't stupid enough for you, try this: Another column by Margery Eagan, this time about the wives of Republican candidates for president, with an emphasis on their "ample - and aging - display of decolletage." (also via Hot Air)

4. Speaking of aging, if you think getting older means you can't be a badass dude any more, think again. A guy on a plane starts acting all weird, and a 65-year-old former police commander takes charge, accompanied by a retired U.S. Marine captain of unspecified age. (We can surmise he was not young; the two were referred to as "grandfathers" and he had been married for 42 years, about which more in a second.)

The former police commander:

"I had looked around the plane for help, and all the younger guys had averted their eyes. When I asked the guy next to me if he was up to it, all he said was, 'Retired captain. USMC.' I said, 'You'll do,' " Hayden recalled. "So, basically, a couple of grandfathers took care of the situation."
And this is classic. The retired Marine captain's wife of 42 years:

Hayden's wife of 42 years, Katie, who was also on the flight, was less impressed. Even as her husband struggled with the agitated passenger, she barely looked up from "The Richest Man in Babylon," the book she was reading.

"The woman sitting in front of us was very upset and asked me how I could just sit there reading," Katie Hayden said. "Bob's been shot at. He's been stabbed. He's taken knives away. He knows how to handle those situations. I figured he would go up there and step on somebody's neck, and that would be the end of it. I knew how that situation would end. I didn't know how the book would end."
Guys, that's how you know your marriage is a good one. (via Fark)

Click here to read more . . .

April 18, 2007

An end to pleasant groping in Beijing?

One of the small redeeming features of a decision to give the 2008 Olympics to a Communist dictatorship is that signage is being updated. Click on the image to read the story.


Hat tip: Number One Son, who reminds me about a Dave Barry column in which we learn that Coca-Cola, in Chinese, means "Bite the wax tadpole."

Click here to read more . . .

March 30, 2007

Life imitates regional stereotypes

I stumbled on Another History Blog when my referrer logs showed a visit from that site. There was a post over there discussing state blogger carnivals, including our own Carnival of Maryland.

I'm glad I checked it out, because the top post when I visited was about a headline in the local paper from Cartersville, Georgia. (Fortunately, this town is not to be confused with Jimmy Carter. Plains, Georgia is about 200 miles south.)

The Daily Tribune headline says: "Men threatened with gun while working on one of them's car."

In case you don't believe me, I did a screencap of the page so you can still see the headline if the link goes dead.


I just wonder whether the reporter asked the victims: "Which one a yourns's car was it?"

Click here to read more . . .

March 15, 2007

Bull

If you're a bull driving a Ram in Maryland, you might want to consider leaving off the fake human testicles from your hitch. * That's the lesson I would draw from this incredibly grotesque story (content warning). (hat tip to this guy)

If you want to read just the one critical paragraph of the grotesque story, and get a link to a video, check below the fold. Just click where indicated.

I can't believe you clicked. Anyway, here's the critical paragraph:

"Fernando Cruz is suffering from two horn wounds of 25 centimeters in length each. One involves the fibers of the abductor muscle and dissects the femoral artery, the other involves the scrotal area and eviscerates both testicles."
And you can get to the video by clicking where it says "VIEW VIDEO" at this link.

Click here to read more . . .