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October 30, 2008

Can the weather have a sense of humor?

Has anyone seen Al Gore lately?

The headline of the day is: "Snow blankets London for Global Warming debate."

It was the first October snowfall in London in over 70 years.

UPDATE: Zombie JFK urges you to fight global warming. Obviously, Oswald was in with Big Carbon.

Click here to read more . . .

October 29, 2008

When corruption meets underwear

Not news: Massachusetts legislator Dianne Wilkerson takes a bribe.

News: Massachusetts legislator Dianne Wilkerson takes a bribe and stuffs the money in her bra.

Pillage Idiot: Massachusetts legislator Dianne Wilkerson takes a bribe, stuffs the money in her bra, and discovers that the money has been stored in Congressman William Jefferson's freezer.

(hat tip: fee simple)


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If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus, Part 12

Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . Ma, listen . . . listen . . . your own mother and . . . your mother and father, Ma . . . Bubbe and Zayde, Ma . . . your own parents . . . they were . . . they were socialists, Ma . . . Ma . . . they were, Ma . . . and . . . and . . . it really isn't . . . it isn't socialism what I . . . what I say now, Ma . . . because, Ma . . . Ma . . . it's more like . . . just think of it . . . think of it as . . . as tikkun olam, Ma . . . Ma . . .

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October 28, 2008

Tuesday linkfest

1. Joe the Plumber is more concerned about Israel than two-thirds of American Jews. (via HotAir)

2. Ouch. "That Colin Powell. What a great judge of character."

3. A federal judge is caught having made a campaign contribution to Obama. She describes her occupation as government lawyer. Well, I suppose it's literally true, but can you say "misleading"?

4. Hillbuzz confident about Pennsylvania?

5. Headline of the day: "Near-nude man runs down street firing crackers from head." (via BOTWT)

6. Bonus from the previous link: A photo gallery called "The Joy of Streaking." Really.

7. Quotation of the day about the incident in #3 #5: "'He was new in town, I think,' Mr Annas said." Mr. Annas?

8. This is 7-1/2 years old, but it never loses its charm: "Hi-tech toilet swallows woman / Temporarily." Even with the qualifier it's pretty good.

8. With evil toilets on the loose, maybe this isn't such a problem: "Japanese officials fret about toilet shortage in event of big quake."

Click here to read more . . .

October 27, 2008

A quick thought about slots

Usually I'm in favor of having stupid people pay taxes instead of me, as if having slots in Maryland would actually reduce taxes for the rest of us, which of course is not the case in this high-tax dystopia. But this slots issue in Maryland leaves me with one sickening thought:

After the subprime mortgage fiasco, haven't we learned what happens when the government encourages people to spend money they can't afford to spend?

Seriously. And the thing is, the proponents of slots don't even follow through on their own logic. If slots and gambling more generally can save us taxes -- I've received two mailings making such claims -- why not try the Pillage Idiot Plan (PIP) instead?

Under PIP, you abolish the individual state income tax and instead sell $100 tickets for a chance at winning huge payouts from an expected pool of $1 billion. The first prize payout would be $500 million, with four $100 million prizes, four $20 million prizes, three $5 million prizes, and five $1 million prizes. (I think that adds up.)

Even the working poor could afford those tickets, especially if they didn't have to pay state income taxes. Wouldn't you buy one -- or ten -- or even more? I never play the lottery, but even I would have to think about it if I didn't have to pay state income taxes.

The beauty part is that this would raise a huge amount of money for the legislature to blow on its usual moronic spending programs. (All you need is 10 million tickets -- tickets, not people -- to break even, and once people aren't paying thousands in state income taxes, they'd surely be willing to buy a whole bunch of tickets) It would also encourage businesses to relocate to Maryland, because there would be no income tax and its employees could play the PIP lottery.

On the other hand, who knows? Maybe the justifications for my proposal are just as foolish as the arguments for slots.

Click here to read more . . .

Visitor of the day -- 10/27

Yeah, dude, the trick is to substitute the cucumber for it.

Click here to read more . . .

October 26, 2008

Charles Fried and William Weld come under fire

The Scene: Colombia, 50 miles outside Bogota

Charles Fried and William Weld share the rear seat of a black Mercedes belonging to the American Embassy. Their driver, a grizzled vet who works for the Embassy, explains the rules of the road.

Driver: This next 15 mile stretch we call "Death Alley." Coupl'a villages owned by FARC. Owned. You know why we call 'em FARC, don'tcha? 'Cause if you come unprepared, you get farked. Get it? Dangerous s*** here. But I came prepared. See that weapon on the seat?

Fried: Quite impressive.

Driver: 'Bout 20 rounds a second. Got some protection behind me, too. Four guys in the car, all armed to the teeth.

Weld: So then . . .?

Driver: You gentlemen just listen up here. This car's armored, but if there's shooting, I'm gonna yell, and you're gonna hafta get your asses on the floor quick. No -- more than quick.

Fried: The floor's dirty.

Driver: Holy s***, mac. We're talkin' f***in' killer terrorist FARCers. When I yell, you drop.

Weld: This is a $1,200 suit.

Driver: You want a $1,200 casket? Go ahead, don't listen to me.

Fried: I'm a law professor at Harvard.

Driver: S***, I don't care where you're from, and FARC don't care, either.

Weld: I care. I studied at Harvard, too, undergrad and law school.

Driver: What the f*** is wrong with you? I live with FARC every day. I know this s***.

Fried: Where did you go to college?

Driver: College? I didn't go to college. Got drafted, four years in 'Nam. Saw six buddies get their heads blown off. You're my age. You serve?

Weld: I was deferred.

Driver: He was deferred. I fought for you, then. And when I got home, I took business classes at community college at night, doing security work during the day.

Weld: Charles, I don't trust him. I hardly even know anyone who didn't go to Harvard.

Fried: I agree, Bill. I had a student who was president of the law review a few years ago, went into the foreign service. I'll call him right now. He'll have a far more sophisticated and nuanced approach.

(Loud gunfire is heard. Two jeeps cross an open field toward the cars.)

Driver: Jesus, it's FARC! Get the f*** down on the floor!

(He grabs the weapon next to him.)

Fried: Hold on, I'm making a phone call.

Weld: If he's not there, call Barack. That's a no-brainer. We could use his calm and intellect here.

(More gunfire. The car screeches off.)

Story here and here.

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October 24, 2008

Visitor of the day -- 10/24

Just another visitor on this very popular search, but this one's from an interesting place. (For those who haven't seen the post this search leads to, check here, with followup here.)

Exit question: Hometown foe, or fan checking out the opposition?

Click here to read more . . .

October 23, 2008

If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus, Part 11

Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . it was just . . . just a rhetorical flourish . . . Ma . . . no, Ma . . . Joe's . . . Joe's a good guy, Ma . . . he's just . . . what? . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . gaffes, Ma . . . that's the word you're . . . you're looking for, Ma . . . gaffes, yeah . . . yeah, I know, Ma . . . I know . . . she's . . . she's better looking, Ma . . . I didn't pick him for . . . right, Ma, his looks . . . no . . . no, Ma . . . we'll be OK . . . no . . . no, Ma, Joe isn't secretly . . . he isn't a Republican, Ma . . .


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October 19, 2008

Andrew Sullivan chats with Larry King

This is Larry King. Tonight we chat with Andrew Sullivan, blogger extraordinaire, a conservative intellectual who's broken with the Bush Administration and is now supporting Barack Obama. Andrew, I'm . . .

Larry . . . Larry . . . LARRY! . . .

Andrew, are you having trouble hearing me?

Larry . . . Larry King . . . if that's your real name, which it's not . . . may I call you Lawrence Zeiger?

Andrew, we're on the air.

It's just like Joe the Plumber. Who's a Karl Rove plant and a total liar and fraud.

Andrew, tell us about what you've learned in covering that story.

Joe the Plumber. He isn't a plumber. His first name isn't Joe. And I guarantee you – guarantee you – that his middle name isn't "the."

That's a big story, Andrew . . .

The Holy Roman Empire wasn't holy; it wasn't Roman; and it wasn't an empire.

Can you tell us more about this big story about the plumber?

Larry, it's the biggest story since Sarah Palin refused to make her medical records public to show whose baby Trig really is. If she'd just disclose those records, we could all stop making s*** up about it.

You've written about that in your blog on the Atlantic Monthly magazine site.

The Atlantic Monthly isn't a magazine; it isn't monthly; and it's more like the Titanic than the Atlantic.

You've written about the Palin medical records . . .

The New York Giants football team doesn't play in New York; they aren't even big, let alone giant; and they don't play real football, like the British clubs.

The Palin medical records?

Larry . . . Larry . . . talk to the nostrils.

Andrew, we're going to have to take a break here.

Talk to the nostrils, Larry.

[commercial break]

Andrew Sullivan is with us, live from Washington, where he's on furlough from St. Elizabeth's Hospital. Andrew, speaking of hospitals, what about Governor Palin's medical records?

Larry, she just won't release them, even though it might clear up that Trig's father – if that thing actually has a father – was not Mark Foley.

Mark Foley? I thought he played on your team.

Christianist bigots like you, Larry, think gay men can't possibly make it happen with an attractive woman. That's a lie.

Christianist? Uh, Andrew, I'm actually . . .

And I know that a supposedly straight guy like you could make it happen with a stud like me. Let's talk after the show, Larry.

Andrew, please, let's move on. In December 2001, you wrote a piece for the New York Times arguing that Al Qaeda had made a big mistake in attacking us on September 11, and I quote: "[T]he one incontrovertible fact of post-Sept. 11 America is that civilization can clearly, ruthlessly defend itself. Call that the reverse idea of the World Trade Center massacre: the idea that, when mortally threatened, freedom can fight back. And that's an idea that will last much longer than the dark 'brilliance' of Osama bin Laden." Very moving. But lately, you've been toying with the idea that the government itself may have targeted the World Trade Center and Pentagon.

Not our government, Larry. Another government, if you catch my drift.

Another government?

Yeah, Larry, you've heard of the Mossad, right? Well, get this. It's well known that 70-something Jewish guys, like you, are always slicing the old kosher cheese. Right? Trust me, it's well known.

Always slicing . . .?

Playing the kazoo from out their arses. Well, just imagine this. The rumor's not true that the Jews stayed home from work on September 11. No, what the Mossad did was they got a large number of old flatulent Jewish guys like you over at Building 7, where they all ripped a whole bunch of fragrant ones – mind you, I'm just airing this theory – kind of like how those old guys were just "airing it," too. Heh. Well, when the huge cloud of methane gas had built up sufficiently, it took only a single match to bring the whole building down.

Andrew, you're saying that some eruptions from a bunch of alter kockers caused Building 7 to fall?

Just airing it, Larry.

I haven't heard that theory before, and I . . .

Talk to the nostrils, Larry!

All right, Andrew, we're about out of time.

The nostrils!

Thanks for being with us, Andrew. Next week, our guest will be Michelle Obama and her two adorable daughters. Our topic will be how awed they are by the sheer greatness of their father.


Click here to read more . . .

Carnival of Maryland -- 44th edition

The 44th edition of the Carnival of Maryland is up at Creating a Jubilee County. Please check out the latest writings from Maryland.

The 45th edition is scheduled for Sunday, November 2, to be hosted at What's New in Maryland.

Send in your submissions by using the Blog Carnival form.

Click here to read more . . .

October 16, 2008

Joey Biden is sent to the principal's office

"Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."

-- Joe Biden

Principal: Joey, Mrs. Ballenchain tells me you've been saying bad words in her classroom.

Biden: No, Mr. Whacker, it's all a misunderstanding.

Principal: Really, Joey? Pray tell.

Biden: Well, Mr. Whacker, when she turned off the lights to show a movie, I said, "It's as dark as a ship's hold in here."

Principal: Be honest, Joey. You didn't say "ship's hold," did you?

Biden: Well . . . uh . . . I . . . er . . . I guess not.

Principal: Because Mrs. Ballenchain says you used a four-letter word.

Biden: Gosh, no, Mr. Whacker. It was actually only three letters.

Principal: Three letters?

Biden: Yeah . . . S - H - I - T. Three letters.

Biden video here.


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October 15, 2008

P.S. Your Snake is Dead

If I ever have a serious fire at my house, I most certainly do not want the newspaper account to lead with this: "A pet boa constrictor was the casualty of a Rockville house fire Tuesday morning." I want there to be a lot more melodrama -- like the fact that "Firefighters were able to rescue a cat that had been hiding in an upstairs bedroom."

I really don't mean to make light of this incident. Quite the contrary. I vicariously share the embarrassment of the owners who, besides suffering "thousands of dollars" of damage to their house and probably being scared half to death, have to endure the inevitable questions. "You keep a boa constrictor in your basement?" "Was the snake smoking?"

What's more, since this occurred in my home town, I have a source who informs me that not only did at least 5 fire engines arrive at the scene, along with two fire-rescue vehicles and a police car, but there was a helicopter hovering overhead. I know that if I had caused nearly the entire firefighting force of lower Montgomery County to show up at my house, I wouldn't want it to be so that they could find my live cat upstairs and dead snake downstairs. I would want them to have to save my own life. At least.

And, no, for the record, I don't keep a snake in my basement. It's in the guest bathroom.

Click here to read more . . .

The Jews empty the shelves of Kool Aid

I've occasional tried writing seriously about Obama and the Jewish vote, but I hate serious, and anyway, there's only so much one can say. The Jews are going to be drinking gallons of Kool-Aid (TM) brand artificially flavored drink mix this election day.

Amir Taheri writes about a presentation by Jesse Jackson in the New York Post:

He promised "fundamental changes" in US foreign policy - saying America must "heal wounds" it has caused to other nations, revive its alliances and apologize for the "arrogance of the Bush administration."

The most important change would occur in the Middle East, where "decades of putting Israel's interests first" would end.

Jackson believes that, although "Zionists who have controlled American policy for decades" remain strong, they'll lose a great deal of their clout when Barack Obama enters the White House.

* * * * *

Jackson is especially critical of President Bush's approach to the Israel-Palestine conflict.

"Bush was so afraid of a snafu and of upsetting Israel that he gave the whole thing a miss," Jackson says. "Barack will change that," because, as long as the Palestinians haven't seen justice, the Middle East will "remain a source of danger to us all."

"Barack is determined to repair our relations with the world of Islam and Muslims," Jackson says. "Thanks to his background and ecumenical approach, he knows how Muslims feel while remaining committed to his own faith."
Well, it's really nice to know that the Jews not only put the interests of a foreign nation before their own but actually control American foreign policy as well. Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 41, Clinton, and Bush 43 -- we controlled them all. If I had only known . . . there were some specific actions I would have asked for.

As Ed Morrissey at HotAir points out, the Obama campaign has distanced itself from Jackson, but one wonders, nevertheless, given some of Obama's foreign policy advisors and past associations.

It seems to me that there are three major possibilities:

1. Jackson reflects a dominant view in the Obama campaign but is letting the cat out of the bag a little early.

2. Jackson is saying this in response to Obama's efforts to solidify his Jewish support, in order to negate the doubts that Obama's base on the left may be feeling about pro-Israel statements from Obama.

3. Jackson is just a narcissistic free agent saying whatever he thinks will garner him some attention.

I'm leaning toward 3, but maybe I'm just having too much trouble contemplating the awful possibility that it's 1.

By the way, Susan Estrich sees my 3 and raises it to 4. (Jackson is actually trying to sabotage Obama's campaign, she says.)

But as I've suggested, it really doesn't matter with respect to the Jewish vote. The Jews are drinking the Kool Aid.

So it occurred to me, and it may have occurred to you, too, to ask whether, if Jews are going to drink the Kool Aid, does Kool Aid at least have a hechsher (kosher certification)? You'll be pleased to learn that the answer is YES, it does! It's certified by OK.

I'm sure Jesse Jackson would approve.

UPDATE (10/16): Now the Jews are holding their ears and shouting "La, la, la, la, la!!!" Two Obama representatives have backed out of debates with representatives of the Republican Jewish Coalition. From Matt Brooks, executive director of the RJC: "We find it a curious paradox that Obama would engage Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad without preconditions, but the Obama campaign will not engage the RJC."

Click here to read more . . .

October 12, 2008

A day in the life of Congressman John Lewis (D-GA)

I. Breakfast at the IHOP

Waitress: Would you like sausage with your pancakes, sir?

Congressman John Lewis: Whatchu saying to me, lady? You trying to kill me with all that fat and cholesterol? I didn't march with Martin Luther King so I could be offered sausage with my pancakes just because I'm black, you know.

Congressman John Lewis: (under his breath) Got better service at the Kresge's lunch counter.

II. Coffee at Starbucks

Starbucks barista: Should I leave room for cream, sir?

Congressman John Lewis: Hell, no, son. Take a look at me. I take my coffee . . . black! You know what color cream is? White!

Congressman John Lewis: (under his breath) Don't understand why Starbucks always hires these pasty young racist kids.

III. Lunch at the diner

Counterman: If you want some crackers with your soup, here you go.

Congressman John Lewis: What did you say?

Counterman: Crackers. Right here.

Congressman John Lewis: No, sir. I . . . do . . . not . . . like . . . crackers. Like you.

IV. Back home in the evening

Lillian Lewis: Hi, dear. How was your day?

Congressman John Lewis: Now, don't you go talking to me like that old racist b****, Lurleen Wallace.

Story. Also here. Related.

UPDATE: "A careful review of my earlier statement would reveal that I did not compare my wife to that old racist b****, Lurleen Wallace," Lewis stated. "It was not my intention or desire to do so. I compared her 'talking' to that old racist b****'s talking. My statement was a reminder to all Americans that I'm a senile old racist, myself."

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If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus, Part 10

Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no, Ma . . . Ma . . . it's not . . . it's not the Weather Channel, Ma. . . it's . . . it's the Weather Underground . . . yeah, UNDERground, Ma . . . but Ma . . . you remember, Ma . . . I was eight . . . I was eight years old when it . . . it happened, Ma . . . they say he's unrepentent . . . but, Ma . . . I thought . . . I thought he was rehabilitated . . . no . . . no, Ma . . . unrepentent, Ma . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . yeah, repent . . . I know Thursday was . . . it was Yom Kippur, Ma . . . but, Ma . . . Ma . . . Bill Ayers isn't . . . he isn't Jewish, Ma . . . Ma . . .

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Sarah Palin answers the 3 a.m. call, Part 2

(The darkened outside of a house is seen, followed by a shot of a young child sleeping in bed.)

Voiceover: It's 3 a.m., and your children are safe and asleep. But there's a phone on the campaign, and it's ringing. Something's happening in the world.

(Cut away to Sarah Palin picking up the telephone.)

Sarah Palin: Yes, dear. Um, hmmm. Oh, gosh, he'll burp if you put him on the changing table and push his knees up to his chest. Try it ten times. He'll burp, guaranteed.

(Cut to John McCain.)

John McCain: I'm John McCain and I approve a good, strong burp in the middle of the night.

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October 11, 2008

Saturday evening linkfest

If you've been wondering whether I've been taken into the Witness Protection Program -- kind of like those shirts sold by Chinese vendors on the streets of Washington ("You Don't Know Me") -- the answer is YES! I've been taken into the Witness Protection Program.

But I've just been kicked out.

This has been the busiest period for me at work in over three years, and I've been in total panic mode. Until Friday, I didn't think I would be able to handle it, and now I think there's a least a slim chance. So things are looking up.

In honor of this, I'd like to give you a short linkfest. I should have some original stupidity up relatively soon.

1. The Jewish Community Center of Greater Washington is having a book festival, and one of the books featured (see page 5 of the PDF brochure here) is Louis Ferrante's Unlocked: A Journey from Prison to Proust, which the brochure describes this way:

Louis Ferrante, former Mafia associate in the Gambino crime family, was taken down by federal agents and sentenced to over twelve years in prison. In prison, he began a dramatic journey towards redemption and rehabilitation – culminating in the surprising and unexpected discovery of an innate passion for literature, writing and Orthodox Judaism. This is a Mafia memoir unlike any other!
I mention this solely to repeat my son's quip: "An aufruf you can't refuse."

2. Public Service Announcement: If you feel the need to urinate on your neighbor's porch, don't dress in a cow suit.

3. Your web browser hates you. (scary hat tip: fee simple)

4. Your wedding guests hate you.

5. Sarah Palin hates you.

Na, I'm just kidding. Actually, Sarah Palin used a PR consultant in Alaska. (via HotAir) And speaking of Sarah Palin, I did a post about six weeks ago called "Sarah Palin is evil." The post attracted numerous internet bottom-dwelling scum-suckers and has my largest number of comments for any post. My total for visitors who arrived on searches for "Sarah Palin is evil" or an equivalent is now up to 1650. The total who arrived on searches for "Sarah Palin is an idiot" or an equivalent is well over 1000.

Click here to read more . . .

October 05, 2008

Four years at Pillage Idiot

Q Pick a number from 1 to 10.
A That's just plain stupid.
Q C'mon. Pick a number.
A Oh, all right.
Q It's four, isn't it?
A Of course it's four.
Q I read your mind.
A Don't be an idiot. We're the same person.
Q So?
A So? This is like some drunken high-school kid's spoof of Tom Stoppard.
Q I knew it was four, because this is your -- our -- fourth anniversary here at Pillage Idiot.
A Yeah.
Q Four years is a long time to be doing this stuff . . . whatever it is you're doing.
A Right.
Q Can you explain what it is you do -- I mean, why you do it?
A Sure. As I've said before, I'm kind of a compulsive wise-cracker.
Q So I've heard.
A I'm a little like that kid in your sixth-grade class who shouts out a wise-crack while bouncing up and down in his chair. Then, everyone turns and glares, and he slinks down under his desk.
Q Except for those rare times when someone laughs.
A Yeah, "don't ever laugh" is my advice. Laughter is the nectar of the gods for people like us. One laugh can keep us going for weeks. And if you've emailed someone a link to what I've written? Nectar of the gods with caffeine.
Q You mean, laugh once, and we're stuck with you for a while?
A Even if you don't.
Q What do you mean?
A This kind of forum with anonymous readers lets me pretend that people actually enjoy the humor.
Q But . . .
A If they don't, they're usually too polite to say so.
Q I notice the "Plaudits" section on the right sidebar. You seem to revel in the impolite criticism.
A Not really. It's just that I recognize there's an element of truth in what they say.
Q Like the whole immaturity shtick?
A Indeed. Like the whole Pillage Idiot Advisory System up at the top right.
Q OK, I get it. But why are you still at it after four years?
A No one will talk to me in real life.
Q Not even Mrs. Attila?
A Mrs. Attila talks to me. But then again, she doesn't read Pillage Idiot.
Q Er, OK. Let me ask you a few questions that some readers may be wondering about.
A Go ahead.
Q Who are you?
A Look in the mirror.
Q No, I'm serious.
A You don't want to know.
Q It sounds like you don't want me to know.
A I'd prefer that you not know. I like to keep my real life separate from my Pillage life.
Q Why is that?
A I'm no one special in real life, but I don't think it would be wise to be associated with the immature stuff I write here. I once had a reporter call me at work to ask about something we were doing, and during our conversation, he mentioned something he had found by googling me.
Q And?
A It was something that was perfectly appropriate, but after he hung up, I googled myself, and one of the top items I found was a political contribution I'd made as a one-time deal in 2004. It got me thinking that I really wouldn't want posts from the world's most idiotic blog showing up under my real name.
Q You mean, you wouldn't want Supreme Court justices asking you about photo comics of them that you've posted here?
A I don't argue cases in the Supreme Court.
Q You know what I mean.
A I guess so. Yes, I wouldn't want that.
Q OK, what's your most satisfying accomplishment at Pillage Idiot?
A Probably the fact that we have over 50 members of the Maryland Blogger Alliance, a group I started as the only member, with a note on my sidebar asking people to email me to join my basically non-existent group.
Q What's the least satisfying aspect?
A My inability to tell the fools who google for "Helen Thomas Jew" that she's NOT Jewish, damn it; she's Lebanese.
Q What was the weirdest thing that's happened to you here?
A I did a post making fun of a Maryland congressional candidate and got an email from him complaining about it.
Q What did you do?
A I emailed him back.
Q Really?
A Yeah, I told him, politely, that he wasn't going to get anywhere if he spent his time obsessing about a stupid little blog that no one reads. And then, a few days later, the Washington Post did a profile of him, and my post was no longer the worst thing written about him. So I think he's moved past me -- although I still get press releases from him fairly often. This incident gives you another reason, by the way, that I don't want to reveal who I am.
Q What's your favorite post over the past year?
A May I give more than one?
Q I'm asking the questions here.
A Yeah, right. First, I did a spoof of Hillary's claim to have encountered sniper fire when she landed at Tuzla. In my spoof, she was describing her dangerous trip to the Chappaqua 7-Eleven. Second, toward the end of the primary season, Bill Clinton was taking hits from all over, and he seemed to be losing his patience. He did an interview with college journalists in which his answers barely concealed his hostility. So I did a spoof interview of Clinton conducted by a six-year-old girl for her elementary school newspaper. In it, Clinton verbally abused the poor girl. Third, when the Clintons were being attacked for injecting race into the primaries (and I think there's actually some basis for those attacks), I did a photo comic called "Hillary engages in some racial healing," in which she complained about the race accusations but also confirmed them by being way less than subtle about it. She ended by singing "We shall overcome."
Q You sound as if you can't stand the Clintons.
A Actually, not true. I developed some compassionate feelings toward them during the primaries, but the fact is, they were just begging to be made fun of.
Q One last question: How long are you going to continue to write Pillage Idiot?
A I don't know. I've been thinking about stopping since about December 2004, my third month, and I'm now entering, what, my 49th month. Go figure.
Q A presidential term is only four years.
A There are no term limits on stupidity.

Previous: Three years, two years, one year, no years.

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Carnival of Maryland -- 43rd edition

The 43rd edition of the Carnival of Maryland is up at The Greenbelt. Please click on over there, do some reading, and, as always, check out the photographs.

The 44th edition is scheduled for Sunday, October 19, to be hosted at Creating a Jubilee County.

Send in your submissions by using the Blog Carnival form.

Click here to read more . . .

October 03, 2008

Barack Obama practices his wink

"Don't sell the American people short," [David] Axelrod told reporters after the debate. "I'm sure they liked Gov. Palin, but they need more than a wink and a smile."

Byron York, National Review Online,
Sarah Palin, the Winner by a Wink

Obama: Like this, then?

Axelrod: No, no. It looks like someone kicked sand in your eye. You can't appear weak.

Obama: OK, watch me now.

Axelrod: Still wrong. It's like your contact got stuck in your eyelid.

Obama: Wait, wait a minute. I've been studying the tapes. She did it almost exactly that way.

Axelrod: No, she didn't. And you gotta remember to smile when you do it. Smile!

Obama: OK, OK, OK. Let me try it again. "We can't afford four more years of the same failed Bush policies." [He winks and smiles.] "John McCain will break into your elderly mother's house, steal her wallet, urinate on her front door, and kick her dog on his way out." [He winks and smiles.]


Obama: What now?


Obama: You're giving me that look.


Obama: OK, I guess we're done with that exercise. Now, should I wear a black dress? David? David?

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October 02, 2008

Sarah Palin answers the 3 a.m. call

(The darkened outside of a house is seen, followed by a shot of a young child sleeping in bed.)

Voiceover: It's 3 a.m., and your children are safe and asleep. But there's a phone on the campaign, and it's ringing. Something's happening in the world.

(Cut away to Sarah Palin picking up the telephone.)

Sarah Palin: Todd? What is it?

(She pauses a second.)

Sarah Palin: Damn it, Todd! It's 3:00 in the morning. Just get that boy's ass out of her room, now! I know he's gonna marry her, but hasn't he caused enough trouble already?

(Cut to John McCain)

John McCain: I'm John McCain, and I approve of getting that boy's sorry ass out of that room.

UPDATE (10/6): Wow, the crew at LGF didn't like this. It's at -14. They must have assumed that I'm some left-wing jerk mocking Palin.

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October 01, 2008

If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus, Part 9

Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no . . . no . . . Ma . . . no . . . I know it's serious . . . yeah . . . a crisis . . . I know . . . I know about the investment banks . . . yeah . . . I know . . . no . . . no . . . I'm not suspending . . . not suspending my campaign . . . no . . . no . . . look, Ma . . . look . . . I need to win . . . win the election . . . I need to win it . . . no . . . no . . . look . . . look, Ma . . . there are 99 others . . . other senators who can . . . who can debate it . . . no . . . OK, 98 . . . yeah, if Biden stays away . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . it's OK, Ma . . . it IS . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . what? . . . protect Herbie? . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . listen to me, Ma . . . listen to me . . . no . . . Herbie Goldman is . . . he's got nothing to do with Goldman Sachs . . . Ma . . . Ma . . .

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