A very happy and sweet new year to my Jewish readers.
And to my non-Jewish readers, I want to thank you for your support during the past year.
September 29, 2008
Shanah tovah
September 28, 2008
2008 Mets, R.I.P.
I'm sorry to say this post-mortem is becoming an annual feature. (See last year's far more morbid post-mortem.)
The Mets entered the final game of the season today tied with Milwaukee for the wild card slot but lost ignominiously, while Milwaukee won.
I could say more, but I won't. I'll leave you with this description (hat tip: Right Hand Son) of the post-game ceremonies bidding farewell to Shea Stadium (1964-2008):
Nearly 30 minutes after Ryan Church made the last out at the stadium, most of the fans were still in their seats. They booed when Florida players came out to collect dirt from the basepaths. They booed every time the Mets announced anything over the public address system — “Our Shea Goodbye ceremony will begin in five minutes,” was particularly unpopular. And they booed Mr. Met.Mr. Met had a particularly poor season.
Fotonovelas
I don't usually write about nice things people have written about me. This is not because I suffer from undue modesty, mind you. It's because people don't write nice things about me.
So I was a little surprised to learn that Steve Heller, who writes for Print magazine -- apparently a graphic design publication -- cites me favorably in his blog, The Daily Heller. There, he writes about photo comics, which he says have popped up during the presidential campaign:
Fumettis (from the Italian word for comics) a.k.a. photo comics, especially the romance genre, have long been a popular in Mexico and South America where they are known as fotonovelas. During this presidential election year they are popping up in North America, particularly the non-romance genre. In yesterday's New York Post Governor Sarah Palin was the protagonist in "The Adventures of Sarah Palin" or "Here's what a hockey mom MIGHT have said if she hadn't been properly briefed by handlers..."(Heller has the links at his post; I just haven't incorporated them in the segment I'm quoting.) Then, he goes on to cite Pillage Idiot, believe it or not.
But she's not alone: On the non-partisan political satire blog "Pillage Idiot" the classic fumetti form has made a dramatic comeback. See Messers Bush and Putin here; John McCain here; and Big Bill Clinton here.Heller's being generous when he says I have a "non-partisan political satire blog." That description rather elevates what I do here. And calling me "non-partisan" is far more polite than what most people call me. I do try to make fun of all sides, but I don't exactly strive for balance.
But I don't mean to quibble. I'm really flattered to be included as an purveyor of this genre, by someone who writes about graphics, no less.
As they say, thanks for the link. And I really mean that.
Sunday morning mini-linkfest
I was going to leave you a mini-linkfest on my way out of town for the weekend, but it happened too fast. So with your indulgence, I'm going to give it to you a little late.
1. 1. S.Weasel has discovered Abraham Lincoln's YouTube account. It's actually a Joe Biden joke.
2. Out of concern for the sensibilities of certain very quiet and unassuming people, the Brits are installing toilets at the 2012 Olympics that face away from Mecca. (via HotAir) You can't face Mecca when you're doing your business. Brits have previously dealt with this in their prisons. As the article notes: "Muslim prisoners complained of having to sit sideways on toilets so as to not break code." They're in prison and they're worried about breaking the law? I've always complained about Jewish prisoner who commit crimes and then demand to keep kosher in prison. Same thing there.
3. Maybe we should check with Muslim prisoners first, but PETA wants Ben & Jerry's to use breast milk for its ice cream, instead of cows' milk. (also via HotAir)
4. An article that actually exists: 5 Insane Devices From Kids Cartoons (That Actually Exist) (via Ace)
September 25, 2008
A Met-aphor?
Being a Mets fan is a little like, well, being a Mets fan. If you're a fan, you know what I mean. At some point, something is going to go horribly wrong. Sometimes you can predict it. Sometimes you can't. But it will go wrong. Trust me on that.
With a handful of games left this season, the Mets, having fallen from their narrow lead over the Phillies (like the Mets, a team just above mediocre) in the NL East, have been trying to get back, or at least to make it to the wild card slot. Last night's game was, for me, a miniature of the entire season. I've called it a Met-aphor in the post title, but that's a pun and it's not technically correct. You lit majors, please help me with this. One part stands for the larger whole? Synecdoche?
Playing the Cubs, who this year have been about the only really good team in the National League, the Mets opened a 5-1 lead against Carlos Zambrano, their ace. But Oliver Perez and members of the Mets' fragile bullpen blew that lead. The Mets tied it in the 8th at 6-6. In the bottom of the ninth, rookie Daniel Murphy led off with a triple for the Mets. No one out, winning run at third base. The Phillies had already lost to Atlanta.
But David Wright struck out; the Cubs walked Delgado and Beltran intentionally; Ryan Church forced Murphy at home; and Ramon Castro struck out. The winning run at third with no one out failed to score. Needless to say, the Cubs won in the 10th inning.
This has been the Mets' season in a nutshell.
September 24, 2008
The high price of (passing) gas
If flatulence can make it all the way to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit, then, surely, it can make its way to the local courts in Charleston, West Virginia. (via HotAir)
When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say [Jose] Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong.The moral of the story seems to be: "Don't pass gas on a police officer who's booking you for DUI."
Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.
Take a look of the photo. It doesn't look anything like the baseball player, Jose Cruz, Jr., and I'm positive it wasn't. That is, I'm not endorsing the subversive theory that it was; as Andrew Sullivan would say, I'm just airing it. And it has a strong odor.
Now that that labored joke is finished, my lawyers advise me to repeat that it really wasn't the ballplayer.
If you follow the link to the original news story, you'll find a video. The local TV station interviewed a bunch of locals about flatulence and whether it should be a crime. The key phrase was "law and odor." That's their joke, not mine.
You'll also find a copy of the criminal complaint sworn out against Mr. Cruz. Here is the relevant allegation:
PTLM. PARSONS WAS IN A CHAIR APPROX 4-5 FEET AWAY FROM THE FINGERPRINTING STATION. THE DEFENDANT SCOOTED THE 4 FEET TO PTLM PARSONS, AWAY FROM OFFICER COOK, AND LIFTED HIS LEG AND PASSED GAS LOUDLY ON PTLM. PARSONS. THE DEFENDANT THEN FANNED THE AIR WITH HIS HAND IN FRONT OF HIS REAR ONTO PTLM. PAR[S]ONS[.] THE GAS WAS VERY ODOROUS AND CREATED A CONTACT OF AN INSULTING OR PROVOKING NATURE WITH PTLM. PARSONS.I'm not authorized to practice law in West Virginia, but I have to wonder whether contact from gas can be a battery without a physical touching. If it could, you would think Cruz could have been charged if he had stayed four feet way when he passed gas, rather than doing so next to the officer. Gas, after all, diffuses throughout its container (here, the room).
I also wonder whether this could be an illegal search and seizure, unless you accept the "plain smell" exception to the search warrant requirement. (Note for any lawyers reading this: It's a joke, son.)
Finally, according to the video I mentioned, local lawyers think this case stinks. That's my joke, not theirs. So we'll just have to see.
Or smell.
September 23, 2008
I'm still here
I'm still here, but I've been quiet for the past couple of days because of (a) work; (b) a computer that's uncooperative, if not outright hostile; and (c) a bout of weltschmertz.
So meanwhile, I invite you to do the following:
1. Consider my proposed new benchmark for the Jewish vote, written in November 2004. Am I way off base?
2. Look at the speech Sarah Palin would have given at the anti-Ahmadinejad rally, had she not been unceremoniously "disinvited," and tell me how much the Jewish Democrats have harmed the cause of American Jews and Israel, using a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is not at all and 10 is utterly and irreparably.
3. Read this article ("Clinton: 'I get why Palin is hot'") and watch this clip at HotAir. Then tell me whether Bill Clinton has read my most recent photo comic or, alternatively, whether his behavior is so obvious that I had little trouble getting it down to the last, er, electoral vote.
September 21, 2008
The Inquiring Photographer: Who's responsible for the economic crisis?
The Inquiring Photographer asks:
"Who is responsible for the current Wall Street financial crisis?"
"The money changers at the Temple of Greed. I have overturned their tables."
Barack Obama, Illinois
"The Russians. I can see them through my telescope from Alaska, and the deed was plotted in that room right next to what's obviously Putin's bedroom, if you catch my drift."
Sarah Palin, Alaska
"Franklin Raines, who ran Fannie Mae into the ground, and a bunch of other Big Scary Black Dudes."
John McCain, Arizona
"Too busy campaigning for Obama to give you much detail, but I agree it was the BSBDs."
Hillary Clinton, New York
"It wasn't the Russians, but she can check out my bedroom any time."
Bill Clinton, Arkansas
"I have no idea at all. I'm going home."
Harry Reid, Nevada
"It was a lot of paper money, the Federal Reserve, and the Jewish bankers."
Ron Paul, Alpha Centauri
"Pat Buchanan. Buchanan is responsible for all evil in the world, except when he endorses Obama's policy toward Israel."
Robert Wexler, Florida (Not)
"I'm cool with 'the Jewish bankers.' When the man's right, he's right."
Jeremiah Wright, Flying Spittle
Previous:
The Inquiring Photographer: Where will you invade?
The Inquiring Photographer: How did you propose?
The Inquiring Photographer: What form of torture?
The Inquiring Photographer: Leaving your place of worship?
The Inquiring Photographer: Is Obama's nomination significant?
Carnival of Maryland -- 42nd edition
The 42nd edition of the Carnival of Maryland is up at Tinkertytonk. There's a lot of good material there, so please click on over there and do some reading.
The 43rd edition is scheduled for Sunday, October 5, to be hosted at The Greenbelt.
Send in your submissions by using the Blog Carnival form.
September 20, 2008
"Is He 'The One'?"
That's the headline, and no, I'm sorry to report that Cosmopolitan is NOT posing John McCain's mocking question about Obama.
Read this article and weep, because Cosmo is giving women the usual, patented, high-quality advice you can expect from that source about whether your guy is marriage material. OK, I threw in that stuff about "marriage material," because Cosmo can't quite get itself to use that dubious terminology. The article speaks, instead, of being "life partners." Oh, well, let's take what we can get.
Visitor of the day -- 9/19
What? Two in a row? Sorry, but I couldn't resist this one.
Because I'm here for pillaging, too.
September 18, 2008
Visitor of the day -- 9/18
I know what an "Obama shofar sound" is. It's the sh'varim, the three broken wailing notes that, with the right inflection, sound exactly like someone complaining that it's mean to suggest that he's laughably unqualified to be president.
A walk through the WJW
The Washington Jewish Week is a pathetic little rag that arrives every Thursday. It makes a half-hearted effort to provide some political balance, but mostly it just provides unintentional humor.
Its resident political commentator, "nationally syndicated columnist" Douglas Bloomfield, has never met a tired, shopworn idea go unwritten, and when it comes to Republicans, especially conservatives, everyone's an enemy, including Jewish conservatives. This week's amusing column blames "neocons" for tutoring Palin for her ABC interview, in which, according to Bloomfield, she gave Israel a green light to bomb Iran.
Guest columnist Rabbi Ethan Seidel wants us to feel the Palestinians' pain, because "a precondition to peace -- whether between nations at war or between individuals in conflict -- will be an ability, a willingness to understand the pain of the other." News flash: We already do, but we've given up one-sided compassion. Wake me up when the Palestianians begin showing compassion for their own people, let alone for us.
And Amotz Asa-El, of the Jerusalem Post, writes that Obama and Palin have different world outlooks. (Funny how he picked up the Obama campaign's effort to make it Obama vs. Palin.) He recognizes that Obama leans to appeasement, but he uses Palin's time in Alaska to imply that she's an isolationist. The man needs a crash course in American politics.
And the silliness even infects the choice of letters to the editor. A fellow Rockville resident (second letter) accuses the WJW of being too pro-McCain. I kid you not.
If I want to read positive, sugarcoated articles about Sarah Palin, I will look in The Washington Post. [??? -- ed.] Instead of trying to sway the election with only positive statements about Palin, I would prefer to see balanced, unbiased articles. These articles might have helped McCain gain a few votes, but they just made Washington Jewish Week lose a loyal reader.Plus, a letter about Agriprocessors from a representative of PETA (last letter). Yes, PETA, the organization that compares chicken slaughter to the Holocaust. These people deserve no ink in the Jewish press.
Did I say humor? I take it back.
September 17, 2008
Wednesday linkfest
After I do a long photo comic, like the one I posted on Monday (Bill Clinton agrees to campaign for Obama), it's hard to get back to normal posts. Unlike most of the garbage I post here, photo comics take a long time, and the hardest part is working out the text, not doing the voice bubbles, which can be done in an hour or two.
So I'm going to coast a little longer by giving you some links I've been accumulating for the past several weeks.
1. This is actually not a link, but I'm including it, anyway. The son of our friends, a good friend of my son, is in Taiwan, where he applied for a scooter license. Among the questions on the exam were these:
1. When a motorcyclist is not happy, usually he/she: (1) is emotionless (2) is not compassionate (3) is angry.Then, there were a bunch of signs with Chinese on them, and he had to guess what they meant.
2. Time for honking, each time is: (1) within 2 seconds (2) within 1 second (3) within half a second.
3. Motorcyclist's clothing: (1) is free (2) slippers are ok (3) must be clean.
2. No linkfest would be complete without a link to a post about an incinerating toilet. Be sure to watch the video at the company's website. No butt hair was singed in the preparation of the video. Bonus: Also at InventorSpot: Russian scientist solves problem of smelly feet.
3. We all hate grammar ignoramuses, and some of us are annoyed by typos, but few of us engage in vandalism over them. (via How Appealing)
4. A reader at Instapundit creates a political ad about the meltdown at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
5. We'll have to take Obama's criticism of a McCain ad on comprehensive sex education for kindergarteners with a grain of salt.
6. Is Obama too tight with his teleprompter? (hat tip: fee simple)
7. A follow-up by Steven Plaut related to Soccer Dad's post below on Michelle Obama's "rabbi" relative.
8. A columnist at Haaretz is scared to death of Sarah Palin. But the Republican Jewish Coalition flips Congressman Robert Wexler's idiotic linking of Palin with Pat Buchanan and shows that Buchanan's views on Israel are like Obama's.
9. "Tryst turns into $50K robbery for RNC delegate." Plus, quotation of the day: "'As a single man, I was flattered by the attention of a beautiful woman who introduced herself to me. I used poor judgment. If there is any good that can come from this humiliation, it is to caution others that date rape happens to men, too,' he said."
We get comments
Shortly after Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain's running mate, I put up a post called "Sarah Palin is evil." Playing into the insane reaction to her from the lunatic left and the mainstream media (but I repeat myself), the post was a spoof of the site "Bert is Evil." That's Bert, as in Sesame Street. The most famous of the "Bert is evil" photos is one in which Bert is photoshopped next to Osama bin Laden. A sign with that photo on it actually made it into an anti-American protest in, I believe, Pakistan. (Correct me if that's been debunked.) So I photoshopped Palin next to OBL. She was saying, "I killed Bert, as you requested." Ha, ha. Get it? I later added a photoshop of Palin as Natasha, next to Boris Badenov.
In the past 2-1/2 weeks, I've had well over 1,000 visitors to that post from searches for "Sarah Palin is evil" and similar searches. Another 750 or so visitors have arrived from searches for "Sarah Palin idiot." Don't worry, we're just having a little fun with you, guys.
But one visitor overnight didn't see the humor. He (I assume it was a "he") left the following delightful message in the comments:
If there's any justice left in the world, then you conservative nazis will all get cancer and die a very slow and painful death. Sadly, there's really no justice left.I've seen numerous comments like this at other blogs, so I don't find it shocking, even if it's obviously repellent. I have a section on the right sidebar called "Plaudits for Pillage Idiot," in which I quote commenters who've called me stupid, pathetic, etc. I don't think this comment qualifies.
Now, I have no intention of attributing this sickness to everyone on the left. To my regret, some conservatives will say horrible things about their adversaries, too. But I'll never understand how some people are so deranged they would think this, let alone write it, let alone write it in the comments to someone's blog.
Based on the IP address -- yes, you creep, I have your IP address -- this is someone who lives in, or around, Calgary, Alberta. In other words, a Canadian. Bwahaha! You have wannabe-fascist government agencies prosecuting people for "wrong" opinions on matters of public policy, and you call us Nazis? Let me know when you live in a free country, and then we'll discuss who's really evil.
September 15, 2008
Bill Clinton agrees to campaign for Obama
For previous Clinton photo comics:
Bill Clinton responds to the New York Times
Bill Clinton gives an interview
Hillary engages in some racial healing
Bill Clinton evaluates HillaryCare II
Bill Clinton supports Hillary's cleavage
Bill Clinton grabs some contributions for Hillary
Hillary responds to Kate Michelman
Hillary begins a conversation
September 14, 2008
The barbecue
Is it just me, or does Mr. Obama seem to be past his "sell by" date?
I'm just wondering, because it seems to me that if you're running as the Second Coming of Jesus, you sort of have to keep throwing out for us a new miracle every couple of weeks. Right about now, Jesus -- I mean, Obama -- looks more like he's struggling to keep that fake hair and beard attached to his head.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I'm sure I could be. But I'd like you to read about the barbecue described by Kat-Mo at Ace's, featuring these characters: "Uncle John" McCain; Psuedo-Professor, Professional Community Organizer Obama, MA, BS; "Uncle Joe" Biden; and "Cousin Sarah" Palin. It sounds a little odd in my description, but if you read it, it makes a heck of a lot of sense.
September 12, 2008
If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus, Part 8
Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no, no . . . please . . . please listen to me . . . no . . . please . . . just hear me out . . . no . . . no . . . the "pig" thing . . . the line "lipstick on a pig" . . . no . . . no . . . no, that's just a saying . . . it IS . . . that's ALL . . . it's just a saying, Rabbi . . .
Story
September 11, 2008
September 10, 2008
Sarah Palin and the Ollie North Effect
I began working in Washington in May 1987, just in time for two major events in American political history: the Bork nomination and Oliver North's testimony at the Iran-Contra hearings.
One could write volumes about the differences between Bork's mishandling of the media and North's success, but I have no plans to do that. I'd just like to refresh your recollection about North's testimony.
If you still don't know what I'm talking about, read the retrospective at Extreme Mortman from last year, regarding the 20th anniversary of North's testimony. A sampling:
More than mere testimony in a scandal that rocked the Ronald Reagan presidency, it was the last great nationwide media event before the Internet changed politics. This was all television, in its purest grand form.And more:
With 60 million people watching, it bumped soap operas. But this was far better than any other daytime drama. This was real life.
In the Washington Post, Tom Shales called Col. North the “television champion.”
And why not? North testified in his military uniform, featuring six rows of medals on his chest. He got emotional and misty-eyed at the right moments, with a to-die-for catch in his throat. The picture of North taking the oath is one of the great political images of the modern era.
And Time magazine said about North: “He played brilliantly upon the collective values of America, upon its nostalgias, its memories of a thousand movies (James Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, John Wayne in They Were Expendable) and Norman Rockwell Boy Scout icons.”The committee obviously expected to eat North's lunch. They figured North would play the bad guy for them, but the attempt to browbeat him went awry. The public overwhelmingly supported North.
Even Eleanor Clift dropped her jaw, saying on “The McLaughlin Group”: “I think he touched a chord in all of us. He’s Rocky, Rambo, Patton and the boy next door all wrapped up in one.”
Democratic leader Sen. George Mitchell was smitten, too: “Most Americans are taken by his personality.”
In fact, so popular did Col. North become that men and boys began getting haircuts like his:
THE Oliver L. North craze that has swept the country has swept me along with it in a way you will never believe.I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this. Like North, Palin was subjected to politically hostile fire; she's shown toughness and charm in fighting off her opponents; and the public -- or at least a lot of the public -- has been taken with her.
It has taught the barbers I deal with how to give me the kind of haircut I have been battling to get from them for the past 10 years.
That's right. It's the "Ollie" haircut, which I understand has become almost as popular as Colonel North himself.
So much so that people are analyzing her fashion statements, and I'm totally not making that up. You really need to read this post from the LA Times "entertainment" section (i.e., the entire newspaper) called "Sarah Palin: Politics of fashion." (via JWF) The post has 14 photos of Palin, with some dead-serious fashion commentary and an accompanying vote (Misses the target / VP bull's-eye / Too beauty queen / Too backwoods). My favorite commentary is not what JWF likes ("the wild woman within"), although that's pretty good. What I like is this helpful advice from a "trend forecaster":
The big question is how she will update her look, as the election draws near and a possible formal inaugural looms? Will she lighten up the dark eyeshadow and too-obvious lip liner?Here's one of the photos.
It’s probably not advisable. Trend forecaster Tom Julian, official fashion voice for the Oscar.com for over a decade, doesn’t think Palin should frouff up drastically. “A complete head-to-toe makeover might make her look more acceptable for the fashion magazines," Julian explains. "But it would also cause voters to doubt her authentic loner image.”
I say: Don't mess with Sarah, but the fashion writer says "Fastening overkill." (Wait until Robin Givhan of the Washington Post gets her claws into her.)
Finally, just as with Oliver North, people are even getting Palin haircuts, though probably not the women on MSNBC.
Oh, and I should point that The Ollie North Effect can be abbreviated as The ONE. Hmmmmmmm.
Extra: Some diarist at Kos got this connection even before I did.
September 09, 2008
Soccer Dad: When you're running for office, the whole world is Jewish
Crossposted on Soccer Dad
It was ironic to see a column from Jonathan Tobin yesterday asserting:
Unlike 2004, when just about everyone running for president except George W. Bush was producing a Jewish relative of some sort, the two nominees, John McCain and Barack Obama, aren't pretending to be members of the tribe.Actually my cousin, John Kerry, really did descend from a Jewish family. It was his paternal grandfather who converted to Christianity. (Now apparently he isn't my cousin anymore, as his claim that he was descended from the Maharal is doubtful.)
Anyway, it turns out that Michelle Obama has a Jewish first cousin. Not just Jewish, but a Rabbi.
Michelle Obama, wife of the Democratic presidential nominee, is a first cousin once removed of Rabbi Capers Funnye, spiritual leader of a mostly black synagogue on Chicago’s South Side. Funnye’s mother, Verdelle Robinson Funnye, and Michelle Obama’s paternal grandfather, Frasier Robinson Jr., were brother and sister.(h/t the Spine)
Funnye (pronounced fuh-NAY) is the chief rabbi of the Beth Shalom B’nai Zaken Ethiopian Hebrew Congregation in southwest Chicago. He is well known in Jewish circles for acting as a bridge between mainstream Jewry and the much smaller, and largely separate, world of black Jewish congregations, sometimes known as black Hebrews, or Israelites. He has often urged the larger Jewish community to be more accepting of Jews who are not white.
Thanks to my blogging pals My Right Word, Rubicon3 and Oyvay Blog for posting about this. What can I say, Funnye you don't look Jewish.
Yes it's a pretty universal reaction.
September 07, 2008
Programming note
Scientists have concluded that it takes 3 (some say 4) brain cells to write Pillage Idiot.
I'm sorry to report that I can't spare those few brain cells this week. I'm going to be traveling on business and spending time preparing for that. If I'm lucky, I may have one or two posts by the end of the week. Feel free to check back here as usual, just in case -- or sign up for Pillagemail by putting your email address in the box at the upper left, and (this is important) activating your account when you receive an email about it.
Or else, just come here to click through to the blogs on my various blogrolls at the left. There's a lot of good stuff to read.
Carnival of Maryland -- 41st edition
The 41st edition of the Carnival of Maryland is up at ROTUS, a blog run by Clark, of Maryland Blogger Alliance member blog Clark's Picks. Clark's done a really nice job, so click on over there and take a look.
The 42nd edition is scheduled for Sunday, September 21, to be hosted at Tinkerty Tonk.
Send in your submissions by using the Blog Carnival form.
September 05, 2008
If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus, Part 7
Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . yeah, Ma . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . I did go to law school . . . yeah . . . no . . . no, Ma . . . Ma . . . listen to me, Ma . . . yeah . . . I know you told me that . . . yeah . . . don't make me repeat that, Ma . . . no . . . no . . . yeah, all right . . . OK . . . OK . . . "I should have listened to you and gone straight to law school instead of becoming a community organizer" . . . but Ma . . . Ma . . .
Story
September 03, 2008
Mmmmm, toothpaste!
Are you frustrated because your toothpaste always seems to come in exactly two flavors -- mint and, uh, mint? (Three, for you extremists out there who use baking-soda-flavored toothpaste.)
Never fear. The folks at InventorSpot have exactly the concept for you: Pork-flavored toothpaste. Yes, pork. The other white meat.
Some of you may be aware that pork is not, technically speaking (and you'll excuse me for being so picky), kosher. But since some enterprising souls have been working on ways to make household equipment that orthodox Jews can use on shabbat, I'm confident that their collective wisdom and creativity can be put to the use of making pork-flavored toothpaste that is kosher. I'm thinking imitation pork flavoring. I mean, I've eaten vegetarian pork before, so this shouldn't be very difficult.
Now, building on the InventorSpot concept should be easy. We have a political campaign going on, and I intend to recommend a new flavor of toothpaste for the Democratic ticket, at least the part at the top.
Arugula.
Mmmmm. You can almost taste it, can't you? And it's not so expensive at Whole Foods.
September 02, 2008
Boxers, briefs, or . . . V-Neck tee shirts?
One of the pleasures of not working in a law firm is that I don't have to worry about what to wear. In particular, I don't have to worry about what's appropriate for business casual.
My personal view of business casual is that it's foolish. Either poop or get off the pot. In other words, dress like a man (in a suit), or dress regular casual.
In case you, too, have avoided the farce of business casual, you might not realize what kinds of problems this creates.
Here's an important question (via Above the Law):
Q. My son will be working as an intern in one of the big Wall Street firms this summer. They do not have to wear ties but will be wearing dress shirts. Should he wear a crewneck T-shirt under his shirt, which will obviously show at the neck, or a V-neck? Thanks!I'm going to tell you the correct answer (my answer, that is). Wear a crew neck shirt with a collar that at most peeks out. Never wear a V-neck tee shirt. The V is not a masculine shape, if you know what I mean. You'll look like a freakin' metrosexual. And, no, you may not skip the tee shirt entirely when you wear a dress shirt. No bare chest for you. Because if you don't wear one, the armpits of your dress shirt are going to look as if your personal glaciers have been melting from global warming. End of story.
I didn't like answer of the columnist who posed the question, so here's a second opinion, also via ATL:
According to Carney, "in some circles it's seen as risqué and trashy not to wear an undershirt." And I'm sure a lot of people would argue the display of chest hair could potentially paralyze an otherwise promising career. However, the case study after the jump demonstrates that for some people, and only if you are sex on a stick like the subject that follows, letting your curly q's stick out can be the ticket to the big leagues. Bow chica wow wow.And if you click on the link, note the problem with the men in the photo. They have TWO buttons open. Only one, guys. Only one.
Now, in light of the models at the top of the ATL post, and the lustful comment from a German reporter-ess when seeing Barack Obama work out at the gym, I had planned to photoshop the Democratic nominee in various tee shirts.
It turns out that wasn't necessary. I found a site called Dress Up Barack Obama. There aren't tee shirts there, but there are a lot of other clothing options at the site. To play, click on "Let's Get Dressed."
If you want to see what I came up with there, copy and paste this into the appropriate box at the site:
{f:1,mc:_level0.character_mc},{d:5013,c:hat,y:-72.95,x:1.55000000000001,mc:hat003},{d:4011,c:glasses,y:42.5,x:30.55,mc:glasses001},{d:3011,c:shirt,y:111.5,x:15.5,mc:shirt009},{d:2007,c:pants,y:201.6,x:22.8,mc:pants002},{d:1009,c:shoes,y:340.05,x:16.1,mc:shoes003}
September 01, 2008
More anagrams
Last week, I gave you anagrams for Obama-Biden. Now, I'm compelled to give you anagrams for McCain-Palin.
Right off the top, we have:
CALM IN PANIC
For John McCain / Sarah Palin, we get:
MACHO CHAPLAIN JARS INN
If you cheat a little and use McCain's first name, you can get these:
JOHN'S A RACIAL MAN, PINCH
IS JOHN ANARCHIC NAPALM?
CARNAL MANIAC? JOHN'S HIP
JOHN'S ANIMAL CRAP CHAIN
As before, if you come up with better ones, leave them in the comments.
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