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December 16, 2007

The Inquiring Photographer: What form of torture?

The Inquiring Photographer asks:

If you're elected president in 2008, which one form of torture would you use on our nation's enemies?

That's an outrageous question. I was tortured by the North Vietnamese, and I understand as well as anyone else how the use of torture demeans us as a nation. But if I had to choose, I guess I'd go with the rack. It was pretty effective during the Inquisition.

John McCain, Arizona

Our nation's enemies, the Republicans? I'd just put 'em in adjoining toilet stalls and lower the walls to the floor so they couldn't wave underneath them. That'd drive them nuts.

Joe Biden, Delaware

A jury trial!

John Edwards, North Carolina

Hell fire and damnation!

Mike Huckabee, Arkansas

The premise of the question is wrong. We have no enemies as a nation. We just have disagreements that can be resolved diplomatically if we work together to bridge our differences.

Barack Obama, Illinois

What do you mean one form of torture? Only one? I mean, you can get married more than one time.

Rudy Giuliani, New York

My bare hands.

Fred Thompson, Tennessee


Mitt Romney, Massachusetts

The Constitution says nothing about authorizing torture. We wouldn't feel we need it if we just examined the reasons people are attacking us. If you go back to our ill advised involvement in World War I, the Germans [48 minutes redacted] and the Federal Reserve Board.

Ron Paul, Texas

Haaaaaaaahahahaha!! The nutcracker!

Hillary Clinton, New York

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