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February 06, 2005

NY Times advice on avoiding "ruin" in Washington

On Sunday, the first section I check out after looking at the front page is the Sunday Styles section, because it's the Times's latest effort to be hip. In it, we learn about the frontiers of plastic surgery (about which I posted some time ago), about the latest in the partying scene, and, today, about the 10 rules you should follow to "avoid ruin" in Washington. Not those 10 rules; they're for wusses and troglodytes and the "poor, uneducated, and easily led."

Here is #1:

"1. Don't get up in the middle of dinner and announce that you have to run off to do 'Larry King Live.'"

Yes, thank you, that will definitely save my life, or at least help me avoid ruin. Or maybe not. The people at my dinner table tend to be my wife and children, who are not so easily impressed. And there's something about the phrase "doing Larry King Live" that sounds like when someone "runs off" to do it, it's probably to a small room elsewhere in the house. Ah, ruin!

Here are numbers 4 and 6:

"4. Don't change your hairstyle too often."

"6. Don't wear a beaded Armani to a Friday night dinner in Cleveland Park."

You get the idea. Anyone wearing a beaded Armani in Cleveland Park on Friday night is headed toward ruin, unless she happens to be married to the head the of the Federal Reserve. Not much help for me. Most of my Armanis are not beaded, anyway.

Finally, this is my personal favorite rule:

"2. Don't use the expression 'Do you know who I am?'"

Why do I like this? Here's why.