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March 15, 2008

A wedgie ad campaign

When I was in college, a woman I knew told some friends of mine that she thought I should go into advertising. We all found the idea ludicrous at the time, and a couple of years later, I ended up in law school.

But I'll tell you this: If I had gone into advertising, I probably would have come up with a campaign to advertise women's underwear that's "wedgie-free."

As Dave Barry would say, I'm not making this ad campaign up.

If you'll notice, the ad mentions a website at Hanes, which I didn't really want to go to, but despite my own feelings, I did it, anyway. It was for you. That's just the kind of guy I am.

The first thing I learned at the site (which redirects to was that some chick named Sarah Chalke used to suffer from embarrassing underwear wedgies. It turns out Sarah Chalke is an actress or something, which may explain her talent for re-enacting embarrassing underwear wedgie scenes, like this (from the site):

The site has some useful videos of ol' Sarah prancing around until she gets a wedgie and tries to correct it. In my opinion, the best video is the one taken by a "security camera." All of this being conveniently unstaged, mind you. She's only an actress.

As far as I can tell, not being a person of the female persuasion, an underwear wedgie is sort of like what happens when men have the need to rearrange their personal regions in public. You women readers, we men call this Code Blue. You may think we're just digging and scratching, but we're not. We have really serious business to take care of.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. If you visit the site, you'll find what might be called the Wedgie Monologues, if you catch my drift. It's actually called The Wedgie Stories, but we all know what they're talking about, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, right? It's a "book" where you can read Sarah's personal wedgie story: At the Emmys, she twisted around in her four-inch heels trying to unwedgie it (I'm pretty sure that verb is found in the Oxford English Dictionary) but tore her dress doing so. You can also read the wedgie stories of something like 25 other unfortunate women. For example, the board room wedgie, the air cadet wedgie, the rainy day wedgie.

But my truly favorite feature of the site is, if you click on "Wedgie-free Wednesdays," you can send an e-card to your friend, which will arrive on Wednesday. I'm totally serious, by the way. Try it for yourself.

What's troubling to me, however, is that if you want to send an e-card, you'll have to agree to the terms and conditions posted there, which include this: "I also agree that my submission does not contain defamatory, obscene, threatening or otherwise unlawful material . . . ."

It would have been a lot simpler if they had just made you agree that it's not that time of the month.

Previous underwear ad campaigns: Bras that do tricks, Thank goodness it fits.