Stuck

I have to say I still think this whole story is a hoax. It's so inconceivable that it just can't be true. But toilets are really important to us at Pillage Idiot, so I did a little research.

The story I'm referring to was aptly described by Allah at HotAir as follows: "Dude. I say again, dude."

Sheriff: Woman sat on toilet for 2 years
By ROXANA HEGEMAN Associated Press Writer
Article Launched: 03/12/2008 10:20:26 AM MDT

WICHITA, Kan.—Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years—so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Which is far worse than the last stuck toilet seat I wrote about.

There's more to the story, of course, but first I have to tell you that Editor & Publisher apparently believes this story because some dopey journalists heard a tip that a person had been found stuck to the toilet seat, dead.

CHICAGO The strangest and likely most e-mailed story in many parts today -- on a day when the governor of New York resigned because of a call-girl scandal -- belonged not to New York City's tabloids, but The Hutchinson News in far western Kansas.

"Oh, I knew this one would get picked up," Newsroom Editor Jason Probst said with a laugh.

* * *
The story was a classic phone tip, Hutchinson News' Probst said.

"One of our reporters got a tip from someone who said he'd heard about a woman found bound to the toilet," Probst said. "Everyone here was operating on the idea that she was dead. You get that sometimes, someone in an abandoned house."

But when the reporter, Edie Hall, called the Ness County sheriff, he didn't want to release any information, Probst said. Eventually he laid out the story to assure the reporter the woman was not dead.

Sure, this is in the somewhat remote locale of Ness City, Kansas (population 1,299), about 50 miles north of Dodge City, but how could it possibly be true?

The ASS-ociated Press (sorry!) has an article about this incident that provides hope that someone will be able to verify it.

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

"Something wrong with his girlfriend?" I'll say! She has a boyfriend who leaves her stuck on the toilet for a couple of years.

The AP article, by the way, has this stunning scoop from a neighbor:

The case has been the buzz of Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

But getting back to the helpful information in the AP article. Here it is:

Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

Now, when a name is mentioned in a story like this -- at least, one that involves toilets -- I run to do a Google search. There's a single entry for "Kory McFarren" (with quotation marks), a listing for him at classmates.com under -- get this! -- Ness City High School. If you scroll down to his name, you notice he attended NCHS from '86 through '90, which would make him about 36 years old now, as the AP article stated.

Also, you can look him up on an online phone directory, and even find his address, although I suspect by now that he's not answering his phone or his doorbell, even assuming he's not in custody.

If I were a journalist, I would pick up my phone right now, just in case. But I'm not, and besides, I feel kind of sorry for the guy. Because there sure seems to be something just a little odd about him.

I'm still expecting this to turn out to be a hoax. If it isn't, Mr. McFarren's got some 'splainin' to do.

UPDATE: A random walk through the blogs on this story shows (a) an interesting photo concept; and (b) one of the better headlines for a story crying out for smartass or immature headlines.

UPDATE (3/13): If this is a hoax, there are a lot of people in on it. It's real, sadly real. And here's the video, via HotAir. Not what I expected Kory McFarren to look like, but I guess it's really the guy. The woman, who's obviously not seen there, is named Pam Babcock.

UPDATE (3/13): Via charles, in the comments, the sheriff is now saying it was about a month: "The sheriff said that judging by the woman's condition — she had open sores on which the toilet seat would stick — it appeared she likely sat on the toilet continually for at least a month." C'mon on, charles, ya gotta give me the link so I don't have to find it myself.

UPDATE (3/21): Now, McFarren has been charged with mistreatment of a dependent adult. The County Attorney: "I looked at the statutes and spoke to the attorney general's office. This was a very unusual set of circumstances, and this is the law that most closely applied to the situation." Well, given the nature of this case, someone's got to say it: "The law is a ass."