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August 02, 2006

Loosening the straps

We were recently writing about a catalog that advertises, among other underwear wonders, "Bras that do tricks." No, we don't understand it, either. You'll have to read the post.

Today, via James Taranto, we learned of an article about family medicine that complements our post nicely: "CLOTHING: Loosen that bra strap to ease headaches." (second item)

I am totally not making this advice up. Here's the key portion:

Here's something to think about the next time you choose a bra to go under that cute summer outfit. Wearing a thin bra strap too tightly can lead to a nagging headache, according to doctors at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.

"The binding from the strap puts pressure on the trapezius muscle, which causes strain and knotting of the muscle and may cause headaches or pain that radiates down the arm," says Dr. Karen Kowalske, UT Southwestern's chairwoman of physical medicine and rehabilitation.
The article also offers advice for what it tactfully describes as "[f]ull-busted women."

But, of course, the article reminds me of a joke I heard years ago. Which I'm compelled to relate now. (For a few other unrelated jokes, see here.)

A man suffers from terrible headaches. He tries every over-the-counter medicine he can find, to no avail. He still has terrible headaches. He goes to his doctor, and the doctor prescribes a stronger medicine, but it doesn't work. The man returns to his doctor and gets an even stronger prescription, which also doesn't work.

Finally, the man tries one more time. The doctor prescribes yet a stronger medicine and tells him: "I hope this works, because if it doesn't, there only one solution -- to castrate you."

The man runs off and tries the last medicine for a week and has no relief. He still suffers from those terrible headaches.

So he trudges back to the doctor and says: "It didn't work. You know what? Do the operation, but, you know, don't tell anyone."

The doctor does the operation, and the man is really, really depressed. The doctor tells him that it's often a good idea in these situations to go out and buy yourself something new, like a new wardrobe, to make yourself feel better.

The man figures that's a good idea, and he decides to buy himself a new wardrobe, custom made by a tailor. He goes to an old Jewish tailor who's been recommended to him and tells the tailor he wants a complete wardrobe.

The tailor eyes the man and says: "Eh, you vear a size toity-nine reg'lar suit jecket." The man is astonished at the tailor's ability to determine size without measuring him. The tailor continues: "You vear a size fifteen and a helf, toity-tree shoit, size toity-six, toity pents, size seven and a quarter het" and on and on.

Then, the tailor says: "End you vear size toity-six undaveh." At this, the man smiles and says: "Ah, you finally missed one. I wear size 34 underwear." The tailor insists: "No, you vear size toity-six undaveh." But the man repeats: "I wear size 34 underwear."

And now, the tailor is shouting: "No, no, no! If you vore size toity-four undaveh, you'd hev terrible headaches."