Chestal pains

Somehow I appear to be the foremost authority on whether the U.S. Constitution allows a female president to show cleavage. (My discussion is here.)

So I figure it's my duty to bring you the following information: The Constitution does not require a public school to allow students to show cleavage.

"But, wait a minute!" you're thinking. "My daughter couldn't buy large enough blouses to cover her cleavage if she tried, though I'm quite sure she hasn't." Well, you're right. She hasn't tried. And you're also right that the way clothes are made these days, for a normal high school girl to find clothing nearly large enough to cover her chestal area, she would have to shop for plus sizes in the large ladies' section of the store.

All of this may be so, but in Arlington, Texas (registration required), high schools girls will just have to wear two blouses, because the school board has put the kibosh on cleavage.

ARLINGTON -- Few subjects are harder for school administrators to deal with than the student body — literally. In June, the word cleavage caused consternation for Arlington school board members grappling with a new dress code, which most students and parents will get their first look at during registration this week.

"I don’t know an easy way to put this," Trustee Gloria Peña said. "The cleavage line is getting further and further down [in teen fashion]. The only words I can think of are 'no cleavage.'"

It's a little tricky, this subject. But we can be thankful that the school board has come up with the four-inch rule. And no, you smart alecks, the rule applies to girls, not boys.

Kennedale [school district], Wade said, has a 4-inch rule: "Four inches from the neck. But again, you are not going to have a male teacher with a ruler run up and measure 4 inches down."

But here's the real problem. Some school professionals have trouble with the whole concept:

"If we see cleavage, which as I understand the common definition is the space between a young lady's breast, the're going to ask her to change," said Arlington Independent School District Superintendent Mac Bernd.

This definition is bound to cause problems, because in Texas, most girls have two of them.

Now, I personally think a cleavage ban in high school is an excellent idea and I'd even be willing to have school uniforms (which would make the rules a lot easier). But one thing I can almost guarantee you, some enterprising shyster will bring a suit. Which would be a bad thing. After all, the book of Genesis says that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, which proves that wives may show cleavage, but not daughters.

UPDATE: Although Mrs. Attila doesn't generally read Pillage Idiot, I should emphasize the word "may" in my final sentence. Mrs. A prefers to dress relatively modestly.