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June 22, 2008

Justice Kennedy runs a radio commercial

Police sirens are heard in the background. Shouts of "Freeze! Hands on top of the car! Spread your legs!"

Voiceover: Have your rights be denied to you?

Sounds of Muslim call to prayer at Guantanamo.

Voiceover: Have people tried to tell you that you have no rights at all?

Voiceover: If you think they have, call Justice Anthony Kennedy, the protector of your rights, at 1-800-KEN-NEDY.

Justice Kennedy: Hi, I'm Justice Tony Kennedy. Has something like this ever happened to you?

Father: (in an angry voice) Do you know what time it is? It's 1:30. I told you you had to be home by midnight. This is the third time this month you've missed your curfew, so I'm taking away the car keys for two weeks.

Teenaged girl: (crying) Daddy! That's so totally unfair. I hate you!

Justice Kennedy: This scene could have unfolded in a completely different way.

Teenaged girl: (crying) Daddy! That's so totally unfair. And I have Justice Kennedy on the phone to protect my rights. Here, talk to him.

Father: Justice Kennedy, you have no business interfering in this family matter. Since the time of the Magna Carta, there's never been a single precedent in which the federal courts have intervened to tell a father whether or not he can take the car keys away from his child.

Justice Kennedy: History, shmistory, it doesn't matter. We're the Supreme Court, and it is emphatically our province to say what the law is, whether that law is the Constitution . . . a federal statute . . . the law of supply and demand . . . or the second law of thermodynamics.

The strains of "My country, 'tis of thee" are heard in the background softly, gradually becoming louder as Justice Kennedy continues.

Justice Kennedy: And everywhere you go where someone's rights are being denied, I'll be there to protect them. Because if I didn't protect your daughter's rights, the rights of teenagers everywhere would be at risk. And if I couldn't protect teenagers' rights, the President would probably transfer the detainees from Guantanamo to the homes of ordinary Americans in the hope that I couldn't protect them there. And as long as my name is Justice Anthony Kennedy, THAT . . . WILL . . . NOT . . . STAND.

Voiceover: If you think your rights have been denied, call Justice Kennedy at 1-800-KEN-NEDY. That's 1-800-KEN-NEDY, to get justice. He's waiting for your call to protect your rights.

Teenaged girl: Call Justice Kennedy. He's awe-some!