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February 21, 2007

Holy flopping fake bull genitals!

It's very sad that I occasionally have to get news about Maryland from But I know you wouldn't forgive me if I didn't.

A state delegate from Allegany County, Leroy E. Myers Jr., has introduced a bill that would prohibit "any 'model, sign, sticker or other item' that shows uncovered human or animal genitals, as well as human buttocks or female breasts, from motor vehicles." Why? Because in Maryland there are "fake bull genitals flopping from the hitches of pickup trucks."

Fake Bull Genitals might be a great name for a rock band, but it is a very displeasing sight to some in our legislature. In fact, another delegate, Kevin Kelly, says, "Private body parts, you know, hanging from the trailer hitch are offensive, particularly if you've got a couple kids...."

If you don't understand what this is all about, you're probably a northeastern Jew like me. So in the interest of science, I did some research and found this site,, which sells the things and even has pictures of how they look on trucks. Go figure.

Now, the funny thing is that the ACLU of Maryland has stuck its nose where you wouldn't want yours. I'll bet you a nickel you can't guess what the ACLU's objection is.


OK, then read this:

"The legislation is overly broad, and would probably make it illegal to have a sticker on your car of the Venus de Milo from an art museum," ACLU of Maryland spokeswoman Meredith Curtis wrote in an e-mail.
It would also make it illegal to hang fake genitals of the statue David from your pickup truck. Which would be hard to bear, but, you know, we all have to take one for the team.

Extra: Also in the interest of science, I should provide you with the following warning:
During cold and windy weather, producers need to be aware of the potential for scrotal frostbite in bulls. * * * Older bulls, with lower hanging scrotums are more frequently adversely affected because they are not as able to pull their testicles up close to the body to keep them warm.
No need to thank me. It's all in a day's work.