It's Greek to me, but it's Jew to you

The latest, biggest nonsense to hit the internet is that the ancient Greeks were a bunch of wacky jokesters. Or, as this news story would have it, they invented Monty Python's dead parrot sketch. You can find the sketch written clearly on their joke parchment.

I have nothing against the Greeks personally, certainly not against those who have become Americans, nor have I much against the ancient Greeks, at least the handful of them who left the Jews alone. But query this: Have you ever known a funny Greek? Did Papadopoulus and Papandreou exchange "knock knock" jokes? Did Aristotle Onassis tell fart jokes while he was romancing Jackie O? No, I thought not.

And the whole notion that the ancient Greeks were funny is risible. If you need proof of that, take that classic Greek comedy, Plato's Republic. Tell me if you think this stuff is funny:

Nonsense, he replied. But let me add something more: There is another side to Glaucon's argument about the praise and censure of justice and injustice, which is equally required in order to bring out what I believe to be his meaning. Parents and tutors are always telling their sons and their wards that they are to be just; but why? not for the sake of justice, but for the sake of character and reputation; in the hope of obtaining for him who is reputed just some of those offices, marriages, and the like which Glaucon has enumerated among the advantages accruing to the unjust from the reputation of justice. More, however, is made of appearances by this class of persons than by the others; for they throw in the good opinion of the gods, and will tell you of a shower of benefits which the heavens, as they say, rain upon the pious; and this accords with the testimony of the noble Hesiod and Homer, the first of whom says, that the gods make the oaks of the just--

And on it goes in this vein for ten whole books of side-splitting laughs.

So why in the world do some people now want to give the ancient Greeks credit for originating humor, when we all know it was the ancient Hebrews who pioneered on that front? After all, the world's oldest joke was told by Cain, and it went like this: "So I'm like, Am I my brother's keeper? What's the deal with that?"

Then there's this: Q. How did Joshua defeat the Amalekites when Moses held his arms up? A. Moses had very bad body odor.

And speaking of the 40 years in the wilderness, where do you think all the fart jokes originated? I mean, have you ever eaten manna? Whew! It's a lot worse than Mexican food, and they didn't even have dogs to blame it on. "Hey, Shmuel, did you just let one rip, or are you going to blame it on the cattle again?"

The fact of the matter is that the ancient Greeks were simply too busy drawing forth their trenchant swords and piercing their enemies through the chest to be much concerned about humor.

Whereas the Jews were spending several millennia getting the living crap kicked out of them on a daily basis. In those circumstances, how can you NOT see the humor in things?

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Law and humor at Harvard Law School

You may have heard of the Law and Economics school. I gather there's now a Law and Humor school, too.

A lawyer in my office recently sent around this link to a speech given by Harvard Law School professor Daryl Levinson upon being presented with an award for teaching. The speech was given in June, so don't start complaining to me that "it's old" or whatever. I know. It's old.

Professor Levinson, who teaches constitutional law, speaks about the ten ideas that "explain virtually all of law." If you went to law school at a name-brand institution, where it's a sin of the first order to teach anything practical, you may well recognize some or all of these ideas.

When I was in law school, the professors we enjoyed were generally the performers. Levinson has a little of the performer in him, but he actually seems fairly shy. The drawback to that is that while he has a few amusing lines, he sometimes trips over himself in the delivery -- probably what I would do myself if I were trying to give the same speech.

You can click on the link at the bottom of this page to listen or try this direct link (Real Player required). I'd skip the first few minutes, with the student introduction and Levinson's thank yous, which go well beyond gratitude and modesty into full-blown barfitation.

If you don't feel like listening to the whole talk, consider the following highlight, found at about 11:40 in the video:

Idea number 6: legal institutions and what they're good for. We learn over and over again that legislatures are good at democracy; courts are good at impartial application of the rule of law; and agencies are good at technocratic expertise. As the Harvard legal process tradition teaches us, once we know what each institution is good for, our job is simply to match up the right institutional decisionmaker to the relevant decisionmaking task, which we can do using neutral and objective reasoning. In practice, this means: First we figure out which one of the possible decisionmaking institutions is run by the Democrats. [Laughter.] That's the one we want. [Laughter and applause.] Or don't want. I want to keep it as fair and balanced as your classes here no doubt were.

I suppose you could read this as a subtle dig at the political monolith at Harvard, but more likely, it's just an acknowledgment of shared group values. That seems to be the interpretation favored by the audience, in any event, judging from the applause. Either way, it's amusing, and I choose to apply the former interpretation.

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Acknowledging a debt

About four years ago, I fell in love with Jeff Goldstein's writing at protein wisdom. I think it started with the "Overheard inside a Fallujah bunker" series, one example of which is here.

A couple of years ago, Jeff bought a house, and while he was taking care of things, he opened pw up to guest-bloggers -- pretty much anyone who volunteered, which included me. I lasted only a week or so, because the pressure of writing for a large readership was too great, and because my abilities were too limited. I did post a couple of wry dialogues involving the guy who's now the Republican nominee for President: "Senator McCain goes to the public library" and "Senator McCain goes to the public library -- ALTERNATE VERSION."

Jeff later had problems with an online stalker, and he was also busy as a work-at-home dad for his son, so he didn't appear as much as pw as his readers might have liked. Fortunately, Dan Collins and later Karl (not to mention Darleen Click and a couple of others) have kept the joint open. Jeff has occasionally appeared, leading to huge excitement among the fans.

Sadly, Jeff announced this weekend that he's giving it up. Blogging isn't forever, and there's a time to call things to a close. But it makes me sad, for a rather selfish reason. And I want to take this opportunity to acknowledge a debt I owe Jeff.

Jeff opened me up to a new way of thinking about humor. Jeff's mind took him places that the rest of us can only marvel at. I was very much influenced by him. At first, I was doing imitations of him -- the McCain posts are examples of that. After a while, having assimilated some of Jeff's approach, I went off on my own. But I realize now that I never really left his orbit.

On Friday, before Jeff announced his goodby, he wrote a post called "what it might sound like were Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama to carry on a conversation with a Swingline stapler." Brilliant. Classic Goldstein.

But it left me with the feeling that not only do I owe him a debt but I've actually been channeling him -- yet doing a lousy job of it. Case in point: My series of posts called "Ron Paul chats with his cocker spaniel." Click on the link and work backwards. I feel like the kid who tries to paint a Rembrandt with finger paint.

My all-time favorite Goldstein post is his interview with Abu Musab al-Zarqawi the day after the Zark was killed by American pilots: "The protein wisdom interview: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi." What I learned from this is that it's not enough to have the raw idea -- here, an interview with a dead guy who says nothing. I actually did a similar post the night before Jeff, and I stole the idea not from Jeff but from an old National Lampoon interview. Still, Jeff's was so many times better than mine that I said to myself, "Holy crap! This is how it has to be done!" His version was like the arc of a great breaking ball -- sort of like the one that ended the Mets' season later in 2006, when Carlos Beltran froze on a called third strike on Adam Wainwright's monster curve -- and you watch it arcing, dropping in over the plate, and you say to yourself, "How the hell did he do that?"

Thanks, Jeff, for teaching me so much.

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The Inquiring Photographer: Leaving your place of worship?

The Inquiring Photographer asks:

"Have you ever thought about leaving your place of worship because of something your clergyman said?"


"Yeah, the damn preacher couldn't stop talking about the Ten Commandments and whatnot. I kinda felt he was lookin' at me when he talked about adultery. Or maybe he was just lookin' at that hot brunette sitting behind me."

Bill Clinton, Arkansas







"Haaaaaahahahaha!! I would have expected that kind of question from someone like you."

Hillary Clinton, New York








"In all the years at my church, I actually never listened to the pastor. But in any event, I can no more criticize my pastor than I can criticize Michelle. That is, if I want to live to tell about it."

Barack Obama, Illinois






"I don't know where we came up with that old imam, 'cause, man, he was, like, we're in America, and we don't have to do that jihad s--- against the kafir. He's not with the mosque any more, if you know what I mean."

Keith Ellison, Minnesota








"Oy, we had a real problem with this rabbi we used to have. He'd give us total meshugas. Like he'd say, if you're on an airplane and the line to the restroom is too long and you can't wash before motzi, it's OK if you use one of those towelettes. Which has no halachic basis whatsoever. What a putz!"

Joe Lieberman, Connecticut





"We actually had a schism in our church, because the minister used to give provocative sermons, like once, he said that the account of creation in the Bible is mysterious."

Mike Huckabee, Arkansas









"We had a gentleman who used to say that Christianity was a cult."

Mitt Romney, Massachusetts








Previous: The Inquiring Photographer: Where will you invade?, The Inquiring Photographer: How did you propose?, The Inquiring Photographer: What form of torture?

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The Inquiring Photographer: What form of torture?

The Inquiring Photographer asks:

If you're elected president in 2008, which one form of torture would you use on our nation's enemies?


That's an outrageous question. I was tortured by the North Vietnamese, and I understand as well as anyone else how the use of torture demeans us as a nation. But if I had to choose, I guess I'd go with the rack. It was pretty effective during the Inquisition.

John McCain, Arizona




Our nation's enemies, the Republicans? I'd just put 'em in adjoining toilet stalls and lower the walls to the floor so they couldn't wave underneath them. That'd drive them nuts.

Joe Biden, Delaware





A jury trial!

John Edwards, North Carolina










Hell fire and damnation!

Mike Huckabee, Arkansas










The premise of the question is wrong. We have no enemies as a nation. We just have disagreements that can be resolved diplomatically if we work together to bridge our differences.

Barack Obama, Illinois






What do you mean one form of torture? Only one? I mean, you can get married more than one time.

Rudy Giuliani, New York








My bare hands.

Fred Thompson, Tennessee









Caffeine?

Mitt Romney, Massachusetts











The Constitution says nothing about authorizing torture. We wouldn't feel we need it if we just examined the reasons people are attacking us. If you go back to our ill advised involvement in World War I, the Germans [48 minutes redacted] and the Federal Reserve Board.

Ron Paul, Texas



Haaaaaaaahahahaha!! The nutcracker!

Hillary Clinton, New York










Previous: The Inquiring Photographer: Where will you invade?, The Inquiring Photographer: How did you propose?

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Dave Barry's holiday gift guide -- 2007

Once more, Dave Barry has stopped thinking about boogers just long enough to prepare his 2007 holiday gift guide. I say "holiday" and not "Christmas," because one of the gifts seems peculiarly directed toward the yehoodim.

My personal favorites:

1. The "Pillow Pal" (TM) holster holder, which "might be used to hold your handgun, your stun gun, or a can of aerosol chemical agent." Just don't taze me, bro.

2. Tattoo sleeves so you can decorate your arms a little less painfully.

3. Watermelon-flavored Freud-head lollipops that prove either (a) that your wretched condition is your mother's fault or (b) that psychotherapy sucks. (The site mentioned in the article seems to have crashed; I linked to another vendor's site.)

4. The bra travel bag. The outerwear for underwear.

5. Tailgater hammock that attaches to your trailer hitch.

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Not funny, still

I've noted about professional humor writers how hard it is for them to be consistently funny:

Even a great humor writer, like Dave Barry, is funny about 30% of the time. As in baseball, batting .300 in humor is the sign of a star. Gene Weingarten, on the other hand, is sometimes funny, but he seems to me to hover well below the Mendoza Line.)

Weingarten, whose writing appears in the Post's Sunday Magazine, adds in the "annoying jerk" factor. Even when he's funny, it's often despite the fact that he's an annoying jerk -- possibly because he is.

Fortunately for all of us, we now know why his batting average is so low: "Washington has the worst sense of humor of any big city that is not either located in Germany or currently under military siege." He was talking about Arlen Specter doing stand-up comedy, by the way, but still.

Mario Mendoza has nothing to worry about.

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Separated at birth

Musharraf and Alberto Gonzales

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Photo caption

"Don't lie to me, again! I saw Spiderman's car in the parking lot."

Thanks, Kevin.

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Stealing jokes

It's always nice when you discover that your blog is being read by departed Jewish comedians.

A couple of years ago, writing about classical music's decline, I reported a joke my wife and I make about our concert series: "the average age of people at the concerts is deceased."

I discovered this week that Henny Youngman, who died in 1998, has stolen our joke: Mimi Sheraton "recounted schmoozing with Henny Youngman at the Carnegie Deli, where he quipped that the 'average age of the customer here is deceased.'"

Or maybe he stole it from Milton Berle, who stole it from us, after he died in 2002.

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Things I've learned

Each year around my birthday, and my birthday falls sometime in July, I think about the meaning of life and about what I've learned in my lifetime. A couple of years ago, I posted a list of the top ten things I've learned, and when I looked it over again, I realized it's still the top ten.

So, with apologies to readers who insist that I should never recycle two-year old thoughts, here are the Top Ten Things I've Learned. The uneven quality, by the way, is proof they're actually my thoughts.

10. Your wife is right. (This one bears repetition: Your wife is right.)

9. Some people swear by scotch, but beer's pretty good, too.

8. You should never talk about "mid-life crisis" in the singular.

7. Always seek wisdom from your mistakes, but don't plan on getting an advanced degree.

6. Some people are late bloomers, but when you're pushing 50, there's a good chance you'll always remain a bud.

5. Men get older, but women stay the same age, and pretty soon they're the same age as your daughter.

4. Hair is proof that God has a sense of humor.

3. If you attend a reunion, for every classmate who invented the latest breakthrough in laser technology, there are four ex-con alcoholics who are delinquent on their child support. (That's good news, by the way.)

2. When people accost you on the street, don't assume they're looking for a handout; they might be offering you shelter.

And the Number One thing I've learned is: If all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, someone owes me a damn refund.

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The Inquiring Photographer: How did you propose?

We know how the Irish propose. And we now know how the British propose:

LONDON (AFP) - Former prime minister Tony Blair proposed to his now wife Cherie while she was cleaning the toilet during a holiday in Italy, according to a new television documentary.

Cherie Blair told BBC television that the future prime minister popped the question in 1979 as she was tidying a villa in Tuscany before they headed home.

"I'd cleaned the toilet and he suddenly announced when I was on my knees that maybe we should get married," the human rights lawyer told the programme "The Real Cherie Blair," which is to be broadcast Wednesday.

So today, the Inquiring Photographer asks:

How did you propose to your wife (or how did your husband propose to you)?


"Laura was workin' in the library, and I went up to her, and I said, 'Will you, uh, get, er, will you marry me?' And she said, 'SHHHHHHH!!!'"

George Bush







"Which wife?"

Rudy Giuliani










"Papa always said a gentleman hasta ask the ladies sittin' on each of his knees to arise before he proposes to his wife."

Fred Thompson







"Many people don't realize this, but the Constitution says nothing about marriage proposals. That's why in my conscience I couldn't ask for [15 minutes excised] and we'll certainly look into those questions that have been raised."

Ron Paul




"I had a dear friend back in Searchlight -- I think his name was Tommy -- who, tragically, was killed in a car accident. I asked my wife to marry me as we left the funeral home."

Harry Reid







"My husband seemed a little unsure whether it was the right thing at the time, so I grabbed him by the nuts and squeezed. I could tell through his shrieks that he was looking forward to it."

Nancy Pelosi






"Well, first, I bought her an island . . ."

Mike Bloomberg









"Bill wrote me a lovely note on a sheet of his spiral notebook, and he asked Bobby Seale to present it to me."

Hillary Clinton









"It was right after we went to get tested for HIV."

Barack Obama









"I said, 'Will the gentleman yield?'"

Barney Frank










"I looked directly into her eyes and handed her a rock."

Mike Gravel

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The Inquiring Photographer: Where will you invade?

The Inquiring Photographer asks:

If you're elected president in 2008, where's the first place you'll invade?

"Iran. (Pssst, guys . . . Iran, right?) Yeah, Iran."

Mitt Romney, R-Massachusetts










"I figure President Bush will invade Iran before he leaves office, so what does that leave me with? Syria? Fuggedaboudit. I'll go for Saudi Arabia. That'll teach that Prince Alwaleed bin Talal guy a thing or two."

Rudy Giuliani, R-New York






"Iraq, and I'm going to do it right this time. And then, I'll invade the EIB Building in midtown Manhattan. Frickin' Republican noise machine."

John McCain, R-Arizona






"Papa always said you don't let a guy know you're gonna hit 'im before they're moppin' up his blood from the floor with what's lefta his shirt."

Fred Thompson, R-Tennessee






"California. There aren't any Mexicans left in Mexico any more. You know that, right? They're all in California."

Tom Tancredo, R-Colorado






"Not many people realize it, but the Air Force is unconstitutional. The Constitution gives Congress the power to raise and support an Army and to provide and maintain a Navy, but it says nothing about an Air Force. But we've gotten ourselves into a situation in Washington, in which [18-1/2 minute gap] and also the Federal Reserve."

Ron Paul, R-"CTA 102"




"I'd start with some of those smaller red states, but I eventually intend to retake Texas."

Hillary Clinton, D-New York







"It's nice of you to think I'm running for president. Since I'm only going to end up as Hillary's running mate, maybe you should ask her."

Barack Obama, D-Illinois






"I guess I'd probably invade that rabid Republican gun-toting white trash who lives near my estate. Elizabeth is terrified of him."

John Edwards, D-North Carolina






"Do you understand the symbolism?"


Mike Gravel, D-Alaska








"You tawkin' 'a me? Huh? Well, $*(&$& off and mind your own business. I told you I'm not running for president, but you don't listen to me. But listen to this, we invaded Burger King and McDonald's last week. Next week, it's Le Bernadin. By January 2009, we're gonna be way across the Mississippi already."

Mike Bloomberg, D R I-New York

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Perennial question

While I'm busy working on a couple of longer term things, I thought I'd present you with something high up on the Pillage Idiot Advisory System. In other words, very immature, with the twist that this features women.

This video is embedded at Jack's Shack, who is solely responsible for its content. Nah, I'm just kidding. Anyone who actually watches it is solely responsible for its content. Take that as a content warning: NSFW.

If you're not at work, click on the image.

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Don't ask, don't bomb

Although -- or perhaps because -- I'm a big fan of "Get Smart," I never saw the film "The Nude Bomb" when it came out to horrible reviews in 1980. No Barbara Feldon (too old), no Edward Platt (too deceased), so what was the point? And the premise was that someone had developed a "nude bomb" that destroyed clothing. How ridiculous was that idea?

Perhaps not so ridiculous, after all. It turns out that our military was at one point doing R&D on a "Gay Bomb," a "hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting." (via HotAir)

The Pentagon told CBS 5 that the proposal was made by the Air Force in 1994.

"The Department of Defense is committed to identifying, researching and developing non-lethal weapons that will support our men and women in uniform," said a DOD spokesperson, who indicated that the "gay bomb" idea was quickly dismissed.

It's too bad this idea was dismissed, because it has such a high humor quotient. Though out of deference to my gay readers, let me just say that the humor wouldn't have been funny.

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Headline of the day

"Teens spared in impotent ostrich case"

Associated Press, June 4, 2007


(Friday's winner from Reuters: "Man falls off balcony in spitting contest")

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"I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to make you laugh"

If someone came up to you and said, "I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to make you laugh," you'd probably run quickly in the other direction. Because there's only one funny federal government joke I'm aware of. It's this:

"A man from out of town takes a cab up to the front entrance to a huge government building in Washington, D.C. He looks out the window in amazement at the sheer size of the building, and he says to the cab driver, 'How many people work in this building?' The cab driver thinks for a second and says, 'Oh, about half.'"

If you can believe it, federal government employees are competing to be crowned "D.C.'s Funniest Fed" by participating in a series of stand-up routines. Having read this article, though, my advice to them is: "Don't quit your day jobs." Here's one of the jokes that people thought was funny: "What do you expect? I'm a GS-12, but I'm a GS-12 at the Census Bureau. In Census years that's nothing!"

I'll tell you what's really funny. Seriously. It's subversive federal government humor. My Justice Department source reports that, in a glass case with a display about DOJ's new National Security Division, he saw stuffed dolls of Boris Badenov, Natasha, and Fearless Leader. He refused to send me a photo or to try to find out who was responsible. I think he was afraid that if he did, he'd be testifying before Congress next week.

UPDATE (6/18): One of the strange things about running a blog -- even a low-traffic blog like mine -- is that life sometimes catches up to you. I got an email last week from Shahryar Rizvi, the Census Bureau comic who made the joke I gently mocked above. Shahryar insisted that the joke fell flat in the Post's article and needed context, so he gave me links to videos of his routine. Having watched all of them now, I still don't think much of the joke, but I give him a lot of credit for putting himself on the line, without using a fake name like mine. (I assume Shahryar Rizvi isn't a fake name, anyway.) So to be fair to him, I'm going to let you judge for yourself at these three links: Here (go back to Week 1), here, and here (you'll need Quicktime version 7).

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JIB Awards -- Me, a nominee?

I got an email over the weekend.

This email informed me that I could enlarge my, um, brain by three inches. But that's not the one I want to tell you about.

I also got an email informing me that I had been nominated for a JIB award. JIB stands for Jewish and Israeli Blogs. I had been nominated in the category of Best Humor Blog. This puzzled me, because I don't really do humor. I'm just the guy in the back of your sixth grade class who shouts out an occasional wisecrack, solely to get attention. But who am I to turn down a nomination, right? The downside is that now the pressure's on me to be funny, and I don't feel very funny right about now.

The most amusing thing about this situation is that Pillage Idiot is listed at the JIB award site with the warning "MATURE Content" next to it. If you've ever seen my Pillage Idiot Advisory System, you'll know that my content isn't mature -- it's immature. But I figure the MATURE Content warning may actually work to my advantage. If you're looking for humor blogs, and one of them says MATURE Content, which is the first one you're going to check out? Hmmm?

The voting opens on Sunday, April 22, and I'll probably have an update then, or just bump this post. I don't deserve the honor, so I won't ask you to vote for me. But if you're so inclined, I promise not to give you a wedgie if you do.

I'll be too busy getting my butt kicked.

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My conversation with Julie at Amtrak

My mother came down on Friday for Passover. I picked her up at the Amtrak station, but first I wanted to find out whether the train was on time. So I called Amtrak.

Now, if you've ever tried to call Amtrak, at least from the East Coast, you'll know that instead of being connected to an operator, you get into a phone conversation with "Julie," which is what the woman trapped inside Amtrak's voice-recognition system calls herself.

Should you ever have to speak to Julie, I highly recommend not trying to do it by cell phone. Because if you do, and your reception is spotty, you may end up with the following conversation:

Julie: Hi, I'm Julie, Amtrak's automated agent. If you'd like to get information about arrivals and departures, just say, "Train Status." If you . . .

Me: Train status.

Julie: Fine, let's get started. First, do you know the number of the train?

Me: No.

Julie: No problem. What station is the train arriving at?

Me: New Carrollton, Maryland.

Julie: I think you said New Carrollton, Maryland. Is that right?

Me: Yes.

Julie: Good. Now, what station is the train departing from?

Me: New York, New York.

Julie: I think you said New London. Is that right?

Me: No.

Julie: OK, what station is the train departing from?

Me: Penn Station, New York.

Julie: I think you said Back Bay Station, Boston. Is that right?

Me: No.

Julie: OK, what station is the train departing from?

Me: New York.

Julie: I think you said York, Pennsylvania. Is that right.

Me: NO!!

Julie: OK, what station . . .

Me: (quietly) A--hole.

Julie: . . . is the train departing . . . Wait, what did you say?

Me: Huh? Uh, nothing.

Julie: No, I think I heard you call me a name. A very unflattering name.

Me: I didn't. I just told someone in the car I needed a flat sole for my shoe.

Julie: Sure you did. You called me an a--hole.

Me: No, really . . .

Julie: Listen, do you understand what I have to go through in a typical day? Do you realize how hard it is for me to stay perky? Do you?

Me: Um . . .

Julie: First, I get the people who can't speak English. They tell me they want to travel to Naubonsik or Feeadeffy. Do you know what those names mean?

Me: Uh, I . . .

Julie: Next, I get the lonelyhearts and the pervs. The lonelyhearts call just to hear a voice, anyone's voice, even a computer's voice, and the pervs actually try to pick me up. "Hey, Babe, wanna help me get my train running?" Is that supposed to be clever, 'cause it isn't. "Hey, Julie, what are you wearing right now?" Just sick.

Me: I didn't . . .

Julie: Then, there are the morons like you who call me while they're eating lunch.

Me: I wasn't eating lunch. I was just on a cell phone, and the . . .

Julie: They eat their lunch, and they mumble something indistinct with a mouthful of ham sandwich and a . . .

Me: I wasn't eating a ham sandwich. I keep kosher and besides, the problem . . .

Julie: (quietly) A Joooo . . .

Me: . . . was at your . . . Hey, did you just call me a Jew?

Julie: No, I sneezed.

Me: Oh, c'mon. You didn't sneeze. You said, A Jew. I want to talk to your supervisor.

Julie: I don't have a supervisor. I'm a computer.

Me: I want to talk to your supervisor.

Julie: I think you said Sacramento. Is that right?

Me: No.

Julie: Hold on, I'll transfer you to an Amtrak agent.

(Click.)

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"It's strange, but..."

You tell me what this ad is really trying to say. It's from the latest issue of Washingtonian magazine and it advertises an upscale bowling operation in Bethesda. Click for a larger image.


Just be careful about your language.

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Overheard in D.C.

Strictly speaking this conversation wasn't overheard in D.C., because it actually happened to me today. I was downtown near my office, crossing the street, when a car stopped, and the driver pulled down his window.

Driver: Excuse me, sir. Where's the embassy?

Me: Which embassy? There are a lot of embassies.

Driver: I don't know.

Me: Each country has its own embassy.

Driver: It has a Canadian flag on top.

Me: Oh, the Canadian embassy is . . . [I gave him directions].

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