Things I've learned

Each year around my birthday, and my birthday falls sometime in July, I think about the meaning of life and about what I've learned in my lifetime. A couple of years ago, I posted a list of the top ten things I've learned, and when I looked it over again, I realized it's still the top ten.

So, with apologies to readers who insist that I should never recycle two-year old thoughts, here are the Top Ten Things I've Learned. The uneven quality, by the way, is proof they're actually my thoughts.

10. Your wife is right. (This one bears repetition: Your wife is right.)

9. Some people swear by scotch, but beer's pretty good, too.

8. You should never talk about "mid-life crisis" in the singular.

7. Always seek wisdom from your mistakes, but don't plan on getting an advanced degree.

6. Some people are late bloomers, but when you're pushing 50, there's a good chance you'll always remain a bud.

5. Men get older, but women stay the same age, and pretty soon they're the same age as your daughter.

4. Hair is proof that God has a sense of humor.

3. If you attend a reunion, for every classmate who invented the latest breakthrough in laser technology, there are four ex-con alcoholics who are delinquent on their child support. (That's good news, by the way.)

2. When people accost you on the street, don't assume they're looking for a handout; they might be offering you shelter.

And the Number One thing I've learned is: If all I really need to know I learned in kindergarten, someone owes me a damn refund.