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October 12, 2008

A day in the life of Congressman John Lewis (D-GA)

I. Breakfast at the IHOP

Waitress: Would you like sausage with your pancakes, sir?

Congressman John Lewis: Whatchu saying to me, lady? You trying to kill me with all that fat and cholesterol? I didn't march with Martin Luther King so I could be offered sausage with my pancakes just because I'm black, you know.

Congressman John Lewis: (under his breath) Got better service at the Kresge's lunch counter.

II. Coffee at Starbucks

Starbucks barista: Should I leave room for cream, sir?

Congressman John Lewis: Hell, no, son. Take a look at me. I take my coffee . . . black! You know what color cream is? White!

Congressman John Lewis: (under his breath) Don't understand why Starbucks always hires these pasty young racist kids.

III. Lunch at the diner

Counterman: If you want some crackers with your soup, here you go.

Congressman John Lewis: What did you say?

Counterman: Crackers. Right here.

Congressman John Lewis: No, sir. I . . . do . . . not . . . like . . . crackers. Like you.

IV. Back home in the evening

Lillian Lewis: Hi, dear. How was your day?

Congressman John Lewis: Now, don't you go talking to me like that old racist b****, Lurleen Wallace.

Story. Also here. Related.

UPDATE: "A careful review of my earlier statement would reveal that I did not compare my wife to that old racist b****, Lurleen Wallace," Lewis stated. "It was not my intention or desire to do so. I compared her 'talking' to that old racist b****'s talking. My statement was a reminder to all Americans that I'm a senile old racist, myself."