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August 24, 2008

Joe Biden works with his speechwriter

Through the miracle of electronic eavesdropping, we here at Pillage Idiot were privy to a conversation between Joe Biden and the speechwriter he's using to draft his acceptance speech as the vice presidential nominee at the Democratic convention this week in Denver.

Here is a partial transcript.

SW: I do understand, Senator. I see what you're trying to do. But . . .

Biden: Don't "but" me like that, Butthead. I've served in the Senate since before you were born.

SW: Technically, Senator, I don't think . . .

Biden: You don't think, is right. I'm the one who thinks here. Remember that.

SW: What I was saying was, I see what you're trying to do, but you really can't start your speech with "Four score and seven years ago."

Biden: What's wrong with it? Language a little . . . archaic?

SW: No . . .

Biden: Because it wouldn't work for me to say "87 years ago." I mean, try it. "87 years ago, our fathers and mothers brought forth . . ." No, it just wouldn't work.

SW: I realize . . .

Biden: You don't realize anything. Listen to me. I got simultaneous law degrees at Harvard, Yale, and Oxford. I'm the one who realizes.

SW: I realize that, Senator.

Biden: Don't you understand what an important year 1921 was?

SW: Yes, but . . .

Biden: There you go, "but"-ting me again.

SW: But Senator, there are millions of people who will be watching your speech. If you start it with "Four score and seven years ago," people will . . . they'll think . . .

Biden: People don't think. They're like you.

SW: They'll know where that line . . .

Biden: Get this through your thick skull. My IQ is at least two score and ten points higher than yours.

SW: All right, OK. But can't we at least take out the part about dedicating a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives? Please?