More scourge of customer service reps

I written twice about Washington Post humor columnist Gene Weingarten's prank calls to customer service 800 numbers. This Sunday's Post magazine has another installment.

FOR MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION this year, I promised to stop making crank calls to customer service reps. Fortunately, I made these calls in December.

Here's the best one:

Loctite Power Grab adhesive

Me: I have a complaint. Your product says it creates a permanent bond with plastic, metal, etc. But it doesn't mention ears.

Duane: Say that again . . . ?

Me: Ears. Like when someone uses it to glue together the earpiece of his phone, and then makes a call too soon, if you see what I am saying.

Duane: Right.

Me: I didn't know who else to call, but I had to call someone, because I can't do anything else.

Duane: I'm almost scarily getting an idea of what you are talking about.

Me: I've been making phone calls for the last six hours. Making phone calls is basically my whole life, now. I have made my mother happy, though.

Duane: This is one of the most interesting calls I've gotten all year. The best way to dissolve it is to submerge yourself in hot water. It'll break up at 140 degrees, and humans can take 150 degrees before their skin burns.

Me: Whoa. You know, it really doesn't look that bad. It kind of makes me look important, like I've always got business to transact. Can I just keep it?

Duane: Sure you can! Or you can saturate your head in canola oil, which will free it up, too.

Me: Duane, you are laughing at me.

Duane: No, I'm not.

Me: I can hear you.

Duane: Okay, I am.

The rest of the column is here.