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April 06, 2008

Cutting it

When you get a bunch of doctors together, the talk inevitably turns to bagel injuries. Those of you who don't eat bagels may not realize this true fact: that so many people arrive in the emergency room having sliced their hands in a foolish attempt to slice a bagel that the ER personnel can tell immediately what the cause of the injury is.

So this weekend, during one such discussion, I explained the proper way to cut a bagel, which involves holding the bagel on its edge from above and running the knife through the arch formed by your thumb and forefinger so that it won't slip and cut your hand.

Someone jokiningly suggested that I write a book about the zen of cutting bagels. But I think if I wrote about cutting bagels, I would also want to write about cutting other things, too.

Here's the chapter outline of my book, called "Cutting It."

1. Cutting a bagel.
2. Cutting classes.
3. Cutting up.
4. Cutting corners.
5. Cutting the cheese.
6. Cutting the crap.
7. Cutting bait.
8. Cutting loose.
9. Cutting in line.
10. Cutting the mustard.
11. Cutting to the chase.
12. Cutting taxes.
13. Cutting wit.

I've found that most of these are far safer than cutting a bagel.