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February 25, 2006

Would you like fries with that?

You may or may not agree, but I think this story actually improved with the correction.

Via Ace, we first learned that a man had come into a convenience store and asked to use the microwave to warm up something wrapped in a paper towel. "Concerned about an unusual odor from the oven, the clerk opened the microwave to check on the item and out tumbled what appeared to be a severed human penis, wrapped up in the paper towel."

It later turned out to be a simple mistake. The body part was not real; it just looked like a "severed human penis."

There’s a new twist in an extremely bizzare story out of McKeesport.

Police had been investigating a report that a customer handed a clerk a severed penis to heat up in the store’s microwave.

Investigators have since learned that it was not a real body part; but instead, it was part of a couple’s alleged plan to pass a drug test.

According to McKeesport’s police chief, a man and a woman had inserted urine into a fake penis that the woman was planning to use to pass a drug test.

One of them then went into the store and asked the clerk to microwave the object, which they had wrapped in a paper towel, so the urine could reach body temperature.

When the clerk noticed an unusual odor, she unwrapped the item to discover what she thought was a severed body part.
The new twist actually makes the story interesting, instead of just another report about a severed body part being heated up at your local 7-11. The woman was going to use a "fake penis" at a drug test? Clever. No one would ever suspect a thing! And she couldn't heat the urine without putting it in something that resembled a "severed human penis"? I don't think these smarties are going to fool anyone.

And, in case you're wondering:
Giant Eagle, the company that owns Get-Go, says the microwave involved in the incident was immediately removed from service and will be discarded.
Couldn't they just kasher it?