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July 13, 2006

Tomorrow's news tonight

Police in Suffolk, England, are warning women who are "going on boozy nights out" to "'wear nice pants' in case they fall down drunk in the street." You'd think they'd want to wear old, ratty pants in case the pants were torn or soiled when they fell in the gutter. But that's not the point.

The point is:

"If you fall over or pass out, remember your skirt or dress may ride up," the magazine says. "You could show off more than you intended -- for all our sakes, please make sure you're wearing nice pants and that you've recently had a wax."
If that's the concern, however, you'd be better off remembering what your mother taught you: always wear clean underwear.

And meanwhile, over in Kazakhstan, a drunken chicken fell down after a boozy night and laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell, kind of like the swirly-cones. The word "Allah" was written in Arabic, of course. Chickens don't know English.

Within hours, Muslim protesters had burned down the Danish embassy in Kazakhstan.