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July 21, 2008

More like a "large"

If you were a normal kid, when someone told you that the dead look down upon us, you asked yourself whether they could see you in the bathroom. You wondered whether, when you were there doing number two, Grandpa was watching you.

Apparently, the answer is "yes," at least according to a "medium" (or possibly a "large") named Concetta Bertoldi.

Do dead people watch us shower? Does Grandma know I like to do that in bed?

Sure they can! And Grandma certainly does … They see us in the bathroom and they see us in the bedroom! But who cares? They’re dead! Who’re they gonna tell anything?
So now, you're thinking, "That totally misses the point!" And you're right. You don't care if Grandpa tells his buddies at the pool hall that you just did number two or even that you like to play a little pocket billiards yourself from time to time. You don't even care if Grandma tells her friends that you like to do that thing in bed. You just don't want them to see you doin' that stuff.

As Bill Cosby pointed out, that's why they put doors on bathrooms, so no one knows whether you're one-in' it or two-in' it in there.

I'll leave you with this:
What do the dead wear?

Just remember that. When Grandpa's watching you do number two, he's naked as a jay bird.

UPDATE (7/22): "Fortuneteller suing to overturn Montgomery ban on forecasting." They allow predictions of global warming, after all.