Yet another nude geezer calendar

I was beginning to wonder about it, when I got a bunch of visitors today looking for something about naked geezer calendars, if you can imagine such a thing.

I can, actually. I wrote about semi-naked geezer calendars twice (here and here), which is why Pillage Idiot showed up in the search results.

Today's installment in the continuing saga of "Old Folks Coyly Displaying Everything You Don't Want To See Except For The Things You Really Don't Want To See" takes place in Madrid. That's Madrid, New Mexico, not Madrid, Spain, which actually might be more interesting. I understand there are a lot of bulls there.

A group of 60-something men who live in Madrid are peddling something that may sound like it would not have much of a market.

The group, which calls itself the Geezers, is publishing the Nude Geezers calendar featuring nude pictures of themselves.

"There are some people who are offended at naked old men," said Doug Wesley, one of the participants.

"All clothes does is cover up the beauty," chimed in Len Self.

"Well, that's what our theory is, actually," said Wesley.

Just in case you thought this was some kind of way to raise money for charity, the article makes sure to disabuse you of that notion: "Unlike other beefcake calendars of firemen or police officers, the money raised by selling the Naked Geezers is not going to charity. It's going to the Geezers."

Now, in any project of this sort, one of the most important things you can do is to issue a press release: "Nude Geezers Weenie Roast Launches Funny Calendar." A weenie roast for a semi-naked men's calendar. That's funny, now!

I'm happy to report, however, that the press release is false in a very important respect. It opens by stating:

Santa Fe, NM, August 17, 2007 --(PR.com)-- A veteran fighter pilot, a cowboy, a doctor, a retired stock exchange floor trader, a lawyer, a miner, a biological consultant, an impresario, an engineer, and other men over sixty have bared all for a Nude Geezers Calendar in this former old west ghost town, turned hippie haven.

That's a -- well, it's a fib, which the press release doesn't correct until near the end. If you mosey on over to the geezers' own website, what they bare is all the photos on the calendar. I promise you I haven't looked at all of them, but the two or three I've checked out aren't really baring all. There are some delicate props covering the naughty bits -- a book, a cat, and, if the press release is correct, in one case an attractive, fully clothed young woman.

That's really not so bad, though. We don't really need any more of a weenie roast than they give us.

Click here to read more . . .

But can you beat me?

No, I don't read Esquire, but there was a link to an article there called "The New Laws of Fashion." And that's fashion for men, obviously.

Me, I try not to look awful. That's my strategy in a nutshell. And when I wear a suit, I want it to fit well, but that's about it. No metrosexual, I.

But I did read this article through to the end, just wondering where I was going wrong. And then I found it here:

45. NOTHING SAYS "JACKASS" QUITE AS WELL AS A CELL PHONE ON A BELT CLIP. You know who you are.

Well, excuuuuuuuse me! I have a cell phone for the rare calls I need to make, and there's no better place for a man to put a phone than on his belt. It's easy to get at it when you need it. Pockets don't work for me; there's enough stuff there already.

When I was in sixth grade, a friend used this line when another kid told him how much better he was at everything than my friend: "But can you beat me?" Which I always found amusing.

And that's what I have to say to the fops at Esquire.

UPDATE: I should have clarified two things about my phone: 1. It's humorously out of date, vintage 2002. 2. I've turned off the ringer and set it to vibrate only. And if I'm still a jackass, the fops at Esquire and I will have to take this outside.

Click here to read more . . .