Post-modernism meets the Nigerian email scam

Tonight, I received a typical scam email from Nigeria, and specifically from a Dr. Mrs. Veronica Amadi, KTT UNIT CBN -- the CBN apparently being the Central Bank of Nigeria. Mrs. Amadi says: "I am taking this bold step because of my belief as a Christian." The bold step, of course, is getting me a heap 'o dollars if I open an account elsewhere, blah blah blah.

But I also received my post-modernist, self-referential email scam today, what you might call a second-order scam. It was from a Mr. Johnson Ibe, Accountant General of the CBN.

Good day

We wish to nofity you that the present Government of Nigeria in conjunction with the Central Bank of Nigeria has conducted a financial investigations through all the commercial banks in nigeria,which we discovered that alot of banks here has been invlvoling in all kinds of fraudlent transaction with beneficiaries abroad,thereby bringing bad image to this nation,in that view the government has taken adquate measure against such banks,and the good news is that the federal government has approved a total sum of US$ 91,000,000.00 (NINETY ONE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY) to compensate all beneficiaries who has been a victim of scam in the past from this country.

We have a good news for you,your name has been short-listed among the victims (beneficiaries) of such scam,therefore you are entitled to receive a payment of US$7,000,000.00 (SEVEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY) as a part of your payment and as well a compensation from the federal Government of Nigeria,this exercise is to redeem the good image of this country abroad " MUCH KUDOS TO THIS PRESENT GOVERNMENT OF PRESIDENT UMARU YAR'ADUA".

It goes on from there in poorly typed almost-English, but you get the point. I'm entitled to $7 million to compensate me as a victim of a Nigerian scam, so I should just go about doing whatever victims of such a scam do in order to get that money.

I'm going to take a pass. Feel free to respond to Mr. Ibe yourself.

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FedEx West Africa has a check for you

Get your $800,000 check from FedEx West Africa now. What could possibly go wrong? The message was scanned for viruses, after all.

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Saturday evening linkfest

If you've been wondering whether I've been taken into the Witness Protection Program -- kind of like those shirts sold by Chinese vendors on the streets of Washington ("You Don't Know Me") -- the answer is YES! I've been taken into the Witness Protection Program.

But I've just been kicked out.

This has been the busiest period for me at work in over three years, and I've been in total panic mode. Until Friday, I didn't think I would be able to handle it, and now I think there's a least a slim chance. So things are looking up.

In honor of this, I'd like to give you a short linkfest. I should have some original stupidity up relatively soon.

1. The Jewish Community Center of Greater Washington is having a book festival, and one of the books featured (see page 5 of the PDF brochure here) is Louis Ferrante's Unlocked: A Journey from Prison to Proust, which the brochure describes this way:

Louis Ferrante, former Mafia associate in the Gambino crime family, was taken down by federal agents and sentenced to over twelve years in prison. In prison, he began a dramatic journey towards redemption and rehabilitation – culminating in the surprising and unexpected discovery of an innate passion for literature, writing and Orthodox Judaism. This is a Mafia memoir unlike any other!

I mention this solely to repeat my son's quip: "An aufruf you can't refuse."

2. Public Service Announcement: If you feel the need to urinate on your neighbor's porch, don't dress in a cow suit.

3. Your web browser hates you. (scary hat tip: fee simple)

4. Your wedding guests hate you.

5. Sarah Palin hates you.

Na, I'm just kidding. Actually, Sarah Palin used a PR consultant in Alaska. (via HotAir) And speaking of Sarah Palin, I did a post about six weeks ago called "Sarah Palin is evil." The post attracted numerous internet bottom-dwelling scum-suckers and has my largest number of comments for any post. My total for visitors who arrived on searches for "Sarah Palin is evil" or an equivalent is now up to 1650. The total who arrived on searches for "Sarah Palin is an idiot" or an equivalent is well over 1000.

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"It was Microsoft"

I have to report a totally true conversation I had at shul with a member of our congregation who is a computer consultant. I'm leaving nothing out between my question and his answer.

Me: Do you use ZoneAlarm for your firewall?

Him: It was Microsoft that did it.

To explain: This past week, Microsoft pushed an update to Windows XP that apparently "broke" ZoneAlarm in the sense that internet traffic was blocked. I figured out ZA was broken by eliminating about 10 other possible causes of our inability to reach the internet. The workaround was to go from High to Medium on the internet zone, which seems to unstealth one port but otherwise leaves things alone.

The guy I was chatting with said that many of his clients had called him this week to solve the problem -- which is why he knew what I was going to ask. Incidentally, he didn't blame Microsoft. He said these updates can't be tested on every software (although I would think major firewalls would be in the top 10 to test), and he thinks ZA could have alerted its registered customers with the solution and later with the upgrade. He's right, and I still don't have the upgrade.

But the idea that a Microsoft fix could be harmful was an amusing turn of events. And really not so surprising.

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Fourth of July linkfest

For the Fourth of July, instead of re-posting old July 4 posts, I'm going to bring you a linkfest. OK, I'll re-post one old post, too, but here's the linkfest.

1. While we're appreciating our independence and our freedom, some of our fellow Americans are not. Two years ago, I wrote about one such individual. And this week, a peculiarly repellent column out of the City of Brudderly Lub by a dude named Chris Satullo, who wants to cancel the celebration because "we have sinned." (via Stop the ACLU, via Ace) You already know the rest. No reason to read the column.

2. From last week: At the Seattle Mariners' ballpark, love is dead. (via Baseball Crank)

3. Mars, Saturn, and Regulus are converging in the evening sky.

4. "Police suspect giraffe in circus breakout."

5. Drink to Obama's victory? The tee-shirt.

6. Speaking of Obama, Jennifer Rubin explains his problem with Jewish voters in a single word, er, number: 1973.

7. If you're a white dude in England, whatever you do, don't call a white security guard "Honky!" (via HotAir)

8. Finally: A definition of torture.

9. It's hard to believe, but Maryland is only the 19th most corrupt state in the union. Should be higher.

10. David Wissing says you are what you Google. Anyone who's read my "Visitor of the day" series would have to agree.

11. New York dude moves to Atlanta and finds that "New York style" pizza in the South exemplifies major suckitude, so he returns to New York to "reverse engineer" real New York pizza. (via Fark)

12. Last but not least, for the woman concerned about "pelvic fitness," your own spa. (via HotAir) In case you don't understand, the New York Times article explains: "And now comes the first medi spa in Manhattan wholly dedicated to strengthening and grooming a woman’s genital area."

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